


Being Known and All That Entails

by KiaraMGrey



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Flirting, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Meetings, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Pining, Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2020-07-26 01:49:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 52,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20035885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiaraMGrey/pseuds/KiaraMGrey
Summary: Aziraphale was used to being a loser. In his final year of schooling, he just wants to get through it with as little trouble as possible. He's gotten good at avoiding the bullies. He thinks that if he can just keep his head down, he won't be noticed by anybody.Of course, he hadn't counted on the transfer student. Crowley is tall, dark, and dangerous. Everyone seems to know it, and even the biggest bullies seem to want to avoid him. To Aziraphale's bewilderment, Crowley seems to have decided to take it upon himself to be his own guardian angel. Or, perhaps guardian demon is more like it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok guys look, I KNOW I'm already writing a different Human AU for this Fandom. But I need to write this. If I don't, it will eat me away and I will get nothing done. So, I will be alternating between posting chapter for this fic and chapters for Basophobia. Hopefully rather quickly.

“Did you see him?”

“The tattoos?”

“And did you see that _car?_”

Aziraphale rushed down the tight halls of Morningstar High, trying his absolute best to not rub against anyone. The whole school seemed to be abuzz about something, or someone, from what he had heard. He did his best to block it out, as he didn’t care for gossip. But as he reached his locked, he found it nearly impossible. Emily Warrington and her group of friends were standing just a few feet away, and she was positively alight with her chaotic energy.

“I heard he transferred from out of the country. His family is in the mafia.”

Her close friend, Polly, frowned. “But I thought he has an English accent. Where would he have transferred from and still have this accent.”

Emily waved her hand. “He was probably just raised that way. I mean, he’s seventeen and he has tattoos! And driving that car? He’s definitely in some shady business.”

Rather that making this sound like bad thing, she sounded positively thrilled. Aziraphale frowned. So, there was a new bad boy in the school. Great, another person to bully him. Just what he needed. He let out a sigh as he shoved his books into his locker. He would have to do his best to stay away from him.

“Hey Zira.”

He leaned around his locker and smiled. Anathema was one of the few people in the school who was kind to him, though he wouldn’t call them friends. They had never hung out outside of school. But as she occupied the locker next to his, she always went out of her way to talk to him and make him feel comfortable, which he was eternally grateful for.

“Hello Anathema. How are you doing today?”

“Oh, about as good as usual. I’m guessing you’ve heard the gossip?”

He smiled politely. “Hmm. Yes, a new kid. He sounds unsavory.”

Anathema laughed, throwing her dark hair over her shoulder. “Well, seeing as none of these kids have actually met him, I would take that with a grain of salt.”

Aziraphale nodded. “That’s a good point. I shouldn’t judge before I meet him. Though, I doubt he’ll ever even speak to me.”

Anathema had the grace to not say anything to that, as it was likely true. “Well hopefully he isn’t too bad. As the head of student council, it’s my job to show him around the campus later today.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll be fine. Everyone likes you.”

Anathema cast a look over her shoulder. “I don’t know about that.”

As if on cue, Emily looked up at them. “Careful Anathema, don’t stand too close to the dweeb or you’ll catch it too. More than you already have.”

Anathema spun around, slamming her locker. “And if you talk to me like that again you’ll catch more than that.”

Emily pressed her lips together. She may be a bully, but she knew better than to test Anathema. Everyone did. The best way to describe her was a firecracker. Aziraphale wasn’t sure if it was because she was American, but he liked it. He gave her a sly smile.

“Come now, I find it’s best to ignore her.”

Anathema rolled her eyes. “And let her get away with it? I don’t think so. I _would _do it you know.”

“Oh, I know.” He pulled his oversized jumper down more snuggly on his body.

Anathema frowned. “You should stick up for yourself Aziraphale. Don’t let people walk all over you.”

He pressed his lips together but didn’t respond. It had been this way since primary school, he doubted anything was going to change in his last year. He closed his locker.

“Will I see you at lunch today?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I have to do work for student council.”

He nodded. This was normally the case, but he still held out hope. He didn’t mind eating alone, but having company was nice. The bell rang then, and everyone rushed to get to their classes. Anathema waved as she darted off through the crowd. Aziraphale began to walk towards his class, but he hadn’t noticed that he hadn’t zipped up his backpack all the way. A flutter of noise behind him alerted him what happened. He turned with a small groan. The few kids that were still in the halls snickered as they walked past.

Aziraphale dropped to his knees and began to assemble his belongings. He was a very organized person, but he didn’t have time now to put it all back properly. He was already going to be late to class. Once everything was stuffed into his bag, he stood and spun in the direction he needed to go. Unfortunately, he didn’t see the person stepping out of the door in front of him. He smacked full on into him, dropping the book he had been holding. Today was really not going very well. The person he had run into reached out a hand to grip shoulder, stopping him from falling backwards.

“Hey! Watch were you’re going!” the other person growled.

Aziraphale looked up and froze. He knew the minute his eyes landed on the other boy that this must be the infamous new student. He was decked out in all black, from his leather jacket to his boots. He was, for some reason, wearing sunglasses indoors. The only color he had was his mess of red hair that fell nearly to his shoulders. Aziraphale noted what appeared to be a snake tattoo just bellow his ear. He swallowed.

“Oh, I am so sorry! Didn’t see you there, dear boy!” In an effort to not get beat up, he gave the boy his most unassuming and pleasant smile.

The boy stared at him for several seconds, and Aziraphale’s smile began to slip. But then the boy smirked.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Aziraphale realized he was staring and instead began to reach for the book he had dropped, but the other boy had already bent and scooped it up with long fingers. He glanced at the cover. “Jane Eyre?”

Aziraphale swallowed. This was the part where the boy would laugh at him. Call him a dork. Maybe make him jump for the book. But he still maintained his smile, hoping he would take pity on him. He nodded.

“Yes. I’ve read it several times already, but it’s one of my favorite classics.”

The boy raised a single eyebrow above his glasses. Aziraphale held out his hand. The boy looked down at his hand for a moment before giving the book back. Aziraphale clutched it to his chest and let out a sigh of relief.

“Right, well I must be going! I’m already late for class, and I wouldn’t want to be even more late.”

The boy smiled again. “No, we wouldn’t want that.”

Aziraphale resisted the urge to frown. He was sure the boy was making fun of him, but he couldn’t tell.

“Yes, well. I’ll see you around.”

He scurried past him and in the direction of his class. He didn’t glance back, so he failed to notice the boy staring after him.

#

“And here, just past the science department, we have the lockers.”

Crowley was only vaguely paying attention to what the girl was saying. She seemed nice enough, and pretty at that, but he didn’t think he needed a guide. He could figure out where everything was on his own without being babysat.

He slid his hands into his pockets. “So, what are the people around here like?”

She looked up at him. “What? Oh, I don’t know, same as everywhere else, I guess. There’s a mix of good and bad.”

“And I’m guessing based on who you asked, the answer would change?”

She smirked. “Yeah, that’s true.”

Crowley was a fairly good judge of character, and though he didn’t know this girl, he felt like he could trust her judgment. “So, what’s your answer then?”

“Well,” she said slowly, “I think you should make your own mind up on that. For all I know you could be one of the bad ones and you might fit right in with them.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Oh, I’m definitely one of the bad ones. But maybe not in the way you mean.”

Anathema nodded. “Perhaps, only time will tell.”

They had entered the cafeteria. Every table was filled with people, all talking over each other. He grimaced. He doubted he would spend much time in here. He allowed his eyes to move across the room and noticed many eyes were turned to him. He was used to it. He stood out. But as his eyes moved towards the back of the room, he noticed someone sitting alone.

The blond boy from earlier, the one with the stunning smile, was sitting near the back with his nose in a book. He nodded towards him.

“Who’s that.”

Anathema followed his line of sight and frowned. She rounded on him.

“Aziraphale is a really nice person. He doesn’t need you being mean or making fun of him. He gets that enough from everyone else.”

Crowley stepped back, alarmed. “Whoa, calm down. I wasn’t going to make fun of him. I ran into him earlier and he seemed nice. I really just wanted to know his name.

She narrowed her eyes, but after moment seemed to believe him. “Well, alright. Yes, his name is Aziraphale Fell.”

“That’s a mouth full.”

She shrugged. “No more so that Anathema Device.”

He looked back to the boy. Aziraphale. He was drinking milk from a straw, and this drew a smirk from Crowley. So, he was bullied? Well, he was going to have to put a stop to that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley might be trouble. Aziraphale kinda likes it... just a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, another update in one day. I kinda do that.

Aziraphale slid into his seat in third period English. He always got to this class early, as it was his favorite and he didn’t want to miss anything. He pulled out his notebook and pencils, laying them out neatly in front of him. The rest of the class had begun to fill up the room, but he wasn’t paying attention. Nobody ever paid him any attention either.

So, when he felt a finger poke into his back, he frowned. Elle Banes sat behind him, and she had never so much as looked his way before. He turned around and almost gasped. It was not Elle behind him, but the new student. He leaned on his arms, as smirk playing on his lips. Aziraphale looked around and saw Elle sitting near the back of the class looking both annoyed and concerned. He turned his attention back to the red head.

“Yes?”

The boy stared at him for an unnerving moment through his glasses. “Can I borrow a pencil?”

Aziraphale blinked. He didn’t normally lend out his pencils, as others had little regard for others property and never gave it back. He looked the boy over and saw that all he had was a black binder. Perhaps since it was his first day of school, he had forgotten his materials. Aziraphale couldn’t relate, but he took pity on the new boy.

“Alight. But I _do_ expect it back.”

The boy tilted his head. “Oh, of course. I wouldn’t dream of keeping such precious cargo.”

Aziraphale frowned. He was making fun of him again. “If you’re going to be rude, I don’t need to lend you anything.”

The boy lifted his eyebrows, that smirk never leaving. “Hey, I didn’t mean to offend you. I was only joking.”

Aziraphale sniffed. “Well, it wasn’t a very good joke.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again, and he actually sounded sincere. “I would greatly appreciate it if you could lend me a pencil.”

Aziraphale sighed and placed one of his perfectly sharpened pencils on the other boy’s desk. Now that Aziraphale thought about it, he probably shouldn’t call him a boy. He looked more like a man, more so than any of the others in the school. But calling him a man felt weird. Maybe he should ask him his name. He opened his mouth to ask, but at that moment Professor Sandalphon walked into the room. Though English was Aziraphale’s favorite subject, Professor Sandalphon was not his favorite teacher. He had a way of saying things that made it clear he didn’t care. He stood in front of the class.

“Alright class, settle down. Before we get started, we have a new student with us today.”

All eyes turned to the boy, except Aziraphale. He remained facing forward.

“Mr. Crowley, would you care to come up here and tell the class about yourself?”

A moment of silence stretched out, then Crowley said. “No. I’m good.”

A murmur went through the class. Professor Sandalphon frowned. “Son-“

“I’m not your son. I’m good where I am. They know all they need to about me.”

At this, Aziraphale finally turned around. He knew his eyes were wide. He could never be brave enough to say something like that, especially to a teacher. Crowley’s eyes met his when he turned, and he only knew that because he could just make out the shape of his eyes through the lenses. He thought he saw a wink. The whole class was silent. Waiting.

Aziraphale looked back to the Professor. He had turned a shade of red and seemed to be debating with himself whether it was worth it. After a moment, he turned to the board and began to write. Aziraphale glanced back again and saw that the boy, Mr. Crowley, was still looking at him. Aziraphale let slip a small smile and turned back around.

The rest of the class went by without event. When the bell rang, Aziraphale gathered his things and rushed from his class. He wanted to have enough time to put his books away before going to the next class. He reached his locker and opened it. As he was pushing the last book in, a voice spoke from behind the locker door.

“Hey. You ran out of that class pretty fast.”

Aziraphale peeked slowly around the door. Mr. Crowley stood there, his shoulder pressed to the lockers and his arms folded over his chest. Aziraphale blinked at him.

“Um, yes, I just wanted to have time to put my books away.”

They stared at each other in silence. Staring seemed to comprise most of what they did. Aziraphale frowned. Why had he followed him to his locker?”

“Uh, is there something you needed?”

Crowley let out a huff. “I actually thought it was something you needed.” He held up a number two pencil and waved it around.

“Oh!” Aziraphale cried, reaching up and taking it from his fingers. “I had completely forgotten!”

He looked back at the red head and positively beamed. Nobody had ever been so kind as to return his pencils, let alone track him down to give it back. It was honestly one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for him. “Thank you so much! That was very kind of you.”

The red head snorted. “I would hardly call returning a pencil a miracle. And keep your voice down, I don’t need anyone else knowing.”

Aziraphale deflated slight. Of course, the cool, hansom, new kid didn’t want others to know he was talking to the geekiest kid in school. “Right, I’m sorry. Nobody needs to know you talked to me.”

The red head scowled suddenly, a dark look that actually frightened Aziraphale. He shrunk away, and the boy opened his mouth to say something. He was stopped, however, by a group of passing boys. Scott Loom and his two friends snickered, and then Scott said “Hey Azira-dork, nice sweater! Did your mommy knit it for you?”

Aziraphale barely registered what had been said, his eyes still on the other boy, but the red head turned his neck sharply to face the boys. If he had looked angry before, he now looked… dangerous. He had gone still, his eyes narrowing behind the glasses and his mouth curving into a sneer.

“What did you just say?”

Scott’s eyes moved from Aziraphale to the boy beside him. Aziraphale wasn’t sure if he just hadn’t seen him before (which was unlikely, as he was hard to miss), or if he had assumed he would not be involved. Scott stopped walking.

“What?”

“I asked you what you just said to him.” Crowley’s voice was low and calm, but not in a comforting way. In the way a cat goes still before it strikes.

Scott glanced at his friends. Scott wasn’t majorly popular, but he wasn’t unpopular either. He was of average build for a kid his age, and his friends were both a bit bigger than him. Yet, he looked a bit worried. “Uh, I asked if his mom knitted him that sweater.”

“Why?”

Scott scowled. “What do you mean why? He’s a dweeb. That’s what dweebs do.”

Aziraphale thought he heard the other boy growl. “Apologize to him.”

Scott looked completely bewildered. “I beg your pardon?”

“Then beg.”

A silence had filled the hall. All the students seeming to become aware that something was happening, and with the mysterious new kid no less.

Scott’s mouth had fallen open. He looked back at his friends and seemed to get some courage. “No way. Fuck of. I’m not going to apologize to a loser like him-“

The red head moved so quickly nobody could do much to stop him. He stepped across the hall and pinned Scott against the lockers, his forearm pressed to his throat. One of Scotts friends tried to step in and pull him off, but the red heads arm shot out and caught him in the throat. The boy fell to the ground, gasping. The other friend looked like he wanted no part in that.

The red head leaned in close to Scott’s face, but Aziraphale could still hear him. “I wasn’t asking. You were being rude, and I do not tolerate rudeness. Now, apologize.”

He pressed harder and Scott gasped. “I’m sorry!”

“I’m sorry who?”

Scotts face twisted as though it hurt him to say it. “I’m sorry Aziraphale!”

The red head turned to look at Aziraphale, whose mouth was hanging open. The red head raised his eyebrows.

“Do you accept?”

Aziraphale blinked, and then nodded. The red head turned back to Scott. “See, that wasn’t so hard was it? Now, if I hear you have been being rude to my new friend again, this will go much worse for you. Do you understand?”

Scott nodded, or at least jerked his head the best he could with the other boy’s elbow against his throat. The red head released him, and Scott fell to the floor. He looked up at the other with real fear. Then he was up and running down the hall as fast as he could with his friends. The red head turned around and looked at everyone around them in the halls. Everyone immediately began to walk and talk again, acting as though they had seen nothing.

He sauntered back over to Aziraphale, his hands in his pockets. Aziraphale was still staring with his mouth hanging open. A rush of emotions was going through him. Fear, shock, joy… attraction. Nobody had ever stood up for him like that before. Crowley went back to leaning against the locker like nothing had happened. He was smiling widely now, as though he had just had the most fun of his life.

“Oh, by the way. You can call me Crowley.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley is already protective of his new friend. Let me know what you think so far! I'm a bit self conscious of this one, just because I've never written anything like it before.


	3. Chapter 3

“How was your day at school?”

Aziraphale looked up from his plate. “Oh, it was fine.”

His mother glanced up as she cut her chicken. “Just fine?”

He shrugged. “Same as always.”

“So, I take it that means you didn’t talk to the coach about trying out for the football team,” his father grumbled.

Aziraphale tightened his jaw. “No, father, I didn’t. I wouldn’t make the team even if I tried.”

“You see, that’s your problem. You’ll never get anywhere in life if you don’t take the initiative.”

Aziraphale sighed. He had been having this conversation with his father since he was five. As his only son, his father had assumed he would be the typical boy. On all the sports teams, outgoing, good with girls. Just like his father had been. Aziraphale was painfully aware of what a disappointment he was to him. His mother was barely better. She didn’t try to push him into things he didn’t want to do, she just didn’t care. She took no notice of his hobbies.

“I don’t _want _to be on the football team. You know I don’t like sports. I’m happy as I am.”

His father scoffed. “What, alone? Lost in books all day? That’s no way to live your life. You need more friends.”

“Nobody wants to be my friend.” He was fully aware of how pitiful he sounded.

“Well not with the way you are now! But if you put yourself out there, I’m sure it wouldn’t be that hard. What about that one nice young man? Gabriel.”

Aziraphale looked up at his father like he had lost his mind. “Gabriel is the worst of them all! He’s a horrible person and I would never want to be his friend. I would rather be alone.”

“Really, Azira-“

He stood abruptly. “May I be excused?”

His father frowned, but his mother nodded. He took his plate that still had food on it and went to the kitchen. Once his plate was cleaned and put away, he ran upstairs to his bedroom. His room was the one place he felt safe. The one place where nobody judged him or mocked him or hurt him. It was his own personal Eden.

He grabbed his book from his bedside table and fell on his bed, but he didn’t open it. He stared at the ceiling. He was never going to be what his father wanted. He was never going to be sports star or Prom King. And he certainly was never going to marry a woman and settle down. His father had never mentioned his thoughts on homosexuality, but with how he treated every other aspect of Aziraphale, he guessed he would disapprove. Maybe he would tell him someday, once he had moved out. If he met someone. And that was big if. It was hard enough to find someone to love you when you were straight, let alone when you preferred people of your own gender. Let alone when you looked how he looked.

He closed his eyes, and suddenly another face filled his mind. A hansom face with sunglasses and red hair. A face that had smiled at him without a hint of malice. A face that had defended him. Aziraphale took a deep breath. He had had crushes before, and they never ended well. They were always straight, and he was forced to watch them from afar. Wishing for a love he couldn’t have.

But Crowley had called him his friend. He had actually said it to someone else, where others could hear him. But they couldn’t be friends. They didn’t know each other. And once Crowley did know him, he wouldn’t want to be anymore. Crowley would blend in with the popular kids and he would forget about him. But that didn’t stop Aziraphale from picturing it. From fantasizing about what it would be like to have a friend like Crowley. He fell asleep with a smile on his face for the first time in a long time.

#

Aziraphale did his best to not look for him the next day at school. He found that to be a challenge. Even as he stood by his locker, his eyes swept the halls, looking for that mess of red hair. He didn’t even notice that other people were looking back at him, with a bit of interest now.

“Hey Aziraphale.”

He jumped and turned to see Anathema. “Oh, hello, dear. How are you?”

She smiled. “Better after I heard what happened yesterday.”

He looked away, focusing on his locker. “What do you mean?”

She shoved his shoulder playfully. “Oh, come on, don’t play coy with me. Everyone’s talking about what the new kid did to Scott when he made fun of you.”

“Crowley.”

“What?”

Aziraphale cleared his throat. “He said to call him Crowley.”

Anathema raised her eyebrows. “He didn’t tell anyone else that. But good to know. So, spill.”

Aziraphale took his time putting his books away, not making eye contact and doing his best to not blush. Nobody could know about this stupid crush.

“There’s nothing to spill. I lent him a pencil and he came here to return it after class. He was standing there when Scott made some dumb comment. Crowley stopped him.”

She laughed. “That’s an understatement. He practically ripped his head off. Surely you had to do something to make him like you.”

“I didn’t! I only lent him a pencil!”

“But before that?”

He shook his head. “All I did before that was run into him, literally.”

Anathema looked skeptical but didn’t press the issue. “Well, anyways, people are talking about it. Now everyone thinks he’s even more dangerous and interesting. I heard Emily saying she was going to invite him to her party next week.”

“Hmm, well good for her.”

“Are you going?”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “Of course not. I wasn’t invited.”

Anathema leaned her back against the locker, gripping her books in her arms. “The whole school is invited.”

“Wait, don’t tell me you’re going? You hate Emily!”

Anathema rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but there will be hundreds of people there. I doubt I’ll even have to see her. She’ll probably be off making out with Crowley.”

Aziraphale wasn’t sure why those words hit him so hard. He turned his face away from Anathema, not wanting her to see the pain there. He had no reason to feel this way. Crowley was free to make out with whoever he wanted.

“You should come. Let loose for once. Get drunk and dance and kiss someone you don’t know just for the hell of it.”

Aziraphale shook his head. “I don’t think I could do that.”

“Oh, come on! Please? For me?”

He glared at her. That wasn’t fair. Even if they weren’t incredibly close, she was the one person who cared for him. And he would do anything for her. He sighed.

“Fine. But we must go together. I can’t show up there on my own.”

She grinned. “Deal! Oh man, I’m going to get you so drunk.”

He looked at her disapprovingly. “More likely I’ll end up babysitting you.”

She shrugged. “Win win.”

They began to walk together down the hall. Anathema was going on about the party, about what she should wear and what time they should go, when he saw him. He was leaned up against the wall, his arms folded over his chest, looking as cool as ever, and very bored. A group of popular kids were standing around him, all talking loudly and seemingly trying to get his attention. Emily and her gang were there. Aziraphale’s heart fell. It had begun. He was already one of them. He wouldn’t need to be friends with him now. Aziraphale didn’t realize he was staring as the walked past until Crowley looked right at him. Aziraphale gave a start at being caught, and in his awkwardness, gave a shaky smile and waved. Crowley straightened up and smiled widely, waving back. The group around him turned to see who he was waving at. Emily frowned.

Aziraphale made it through the next few classes without incident. At lunch he made his way to his normal table at the back of the cafeteria with his tray and his book. He settled in and began to read, munching on apples. He didn’t notice the person standing beside his table until they spoke.

“Is this seat taken?”

He jumped and looked up. Crowley stood over him, his backpack slung over one shoulder and a tray in his hand. He looked entirely out of place. Aziraphale straightened up.

“Oh, um, no.”

Crowley slid into the seat across from him and set his tray down. He didn’t say a word as he opened his pack of apples and began to eat, looking at his phone as he did. Aziraphale stared at him for several seconds.

“What are you doing?”

He looked up from his phone. “What do you mean?”

“Emily and her friends sit over there.”

Crowley looked to where he was pointing and scrunched up his face. “So? Why would I want to sit with them?”

“Well, you were hanging out with them this morning.”

“No, I was standing there and minding my own business when they accosted me. She seems like a real bitch.”

“Language,” Aziraphale reprimanded, then blushed. He couldn’t tell Crowley what to do.

Crowley raised his eyebrows. “Language? Oh boy, maybe we can’t be friends.”

Aziraphale pressed his lips together, and then couldn’t help but ask. “Why do you want to be friends with me?”

Crowley slouched back in his chair, sitting in a way the chair had never been meant to be sat on. “Well, for one you don’t seem like a bitch.”

Aziraphale opened his mouth to chastise his language, but suddenly he was laughing. He leaned over the table covering his mouth as he giggled. Crowley looked pleased.

“What’s so funny?”

Aziraphale took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. “For one, nobody has ever referred to me as a bitch.”

“Hey, I specifically said you _weren’t _a bitch.”

“Yes, but still. Not to mention, how would you know? You don’t really know me.”

Crowley shrugged one shoulder. “I have a good sense for these sorts of things.”

Aziraphale took another bite of an apple. “I’ll take your word for it.”

Crowley was still smiling at him, but then he looked away in the direction of Emily. “She just kept going on about this stupid party she’s having. She practically begged me to come, as if I was that lame.”

Aziraphale’s face dropped. “Oh, well actually, I was going to go. Anathema convinced me.”

Crowley looked back him, seeming surprised. “Oh.” He looked down at the table, then smiled. “Well, maybe I will go then. At least I’ll know there will be two cool people there.”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. “You have an interesting definition of cool. And I don’t mean Anathema, because she certainly is.”

Crowley titled his head. “Who says you aren’t cool?”

Aziraphale waved his hand around the room. “Take your pick. Everyone will tell you.”

“Fuck them.”

Aziraphale blinked at him. He said it with such severity, while also managing to sound like he was saying to most obvious thing in the world. He felt a blush rise to his cheeks.

Crowley continued. “Seriously. Fuck them. I stopped caring what people thought of me a long time ago and I was better off for it. I think you’re plenty cool.”

It took Aziraphale a moment to respond, but when he did, his voice was quiet. “You don’t know me.”

Crowley sighed and slid his glasses down his nose. Aziraphale almost gasped. His eyes were the most incredibly shade of gold. They reflected the light around them, looking like a pool of warm honey. He got the distinct impression that Crowley didn’t show many people his eyes, though he couldn’t imagine why. They were beautiful.

“Aziraphale, I’m going to bring that self-esteem up, even if it’s the last thing I do.”

Aziraphale gave him a small smile. “Good luck.”

Crowley’s eyes narrowed. “That sounds like a challenge.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all your lovely comments! I will do my best to update daily, though on the days I work it may be a challenge. But your enthusiasm for this fic is very motivational! I'm very glad you're enjoying it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale seems to be a magnet for trouble.

“Thanks for staying after and helping with this.”

Aziraphale looked up from the books he was sorting and smiled at Anathema. “Oh, it’s no trouble. I enjoy this sort of thing.”

Anathema laughed. “You really are a strange one.”

Aziraphale frowned. “I’m sorry-“

“Hey,” she shoved his shoulder playfully, “that’s a _good _thing. I like strange.”

“Oh,” he said. Then he smiled as he slid the last book into place. “Well, good. I like strange too.”

Anathema stood and then helped him to his feet. “Well, I’m just about done with this. Go ahead and go home, I’ll finish up.”

“Are you sure? I can-“

She waved her hand. “No, no, it’s fine. I just have some paperwork that needs to be done and you can’t really help with that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Oh, alright.” He smiled, but he had to admit that he felt a little disappointed. This was one of the first times he had had hung out with Anathema outside of school hours, even if they were still on campus. He picked up his backpack and slung it over his shoulder.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Anathema smiled over her shoulder. “Duh.”

“Ok, bye.”

Aziraphale made his way out of the library and towards the exit gate of the school. It was nearly a thirty-minute walk home, but he didn’t mind. The weather was nice today, if not a bit overcast, and despite not liking sports, Aziraphale enjoyed a nice walk. He took the side streets, away from all the traffic where he could walk in peace. School had gotten out an hour ago, so all the students were long gone. Or at least, he had thought so.

He turned the corner to another street and stopped. About thirty feet ahead, leaning against a brick wall, was Gabriel. His gang of jocks stood around him, laughing about something. Probably something they had done to some poor victim. Aziraphale’s grip tightened on his backpack straps and he swallowed. If he went back and walked all the way around, it would take him hours to get home. He lifted his chin and took a deep breath, Anathema’s words telling him to stand up for himself ringing in his head. He walked forward, looking past them. It didn’t take long for them to see him.

“Look who it is! Hey Azira-dork!” called Uriel.

Aziraphale didn’t respond. He walked right at the edge of the sidewalk, hoping they would just let him walk past. He didn’t have that much luck.

Gabriel pushed himself off the wall and stepped in front of him. “Hey, we’re talking to you. Don’t ignore us, it’s rude.”

Aziraphale clenched his jaw. “Let me pass, please.”

“Ooooh,” Michal cooed, “He said please.”

Gabriel smirked at them, then looked back to Aziraphale. “I haven’t seen you around school as much lately. My football practice has been keeping me pretty busy. Have you missed me?”

Aziraphale narrowed his eyes. “I certainly wouldn’t say that. As much as I enjoy being thrown against lockers, it’s been a nice break.”

Gabriel glared down at him, his lips twisted into a cruel line. “Don’t you get smart with me.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “Well, being smart with you isn’t too difficult. The opposite would be a far greater challenge.”

In a flash, Gabriel grabbed him by the front of his shirt and spun him against the brick wall. The speed and force of it knocked the breath out of him. He felt afraid as he looked up into Gabriel’s eyes.

“You think you can say shit like that to me and get away with it?” he snarled. “I should smash your head open and leave you here. Nobody would miss you. You’re so inconsequential even your parents wouldn’t notice for a while.” He laughed then, the sound cold and harsh. “You don’t matter to anyone.”

Aziraphale forced back tears. He wouldn’t cry in front of them. Gabriel’s grip tightened. Aziraphale was aware of the sound of a car nearby, but he didn’t pay it any mind. People never stopped to help.

“You’re a pathetic little worm. That’s why you don’t have any friends. Nobody wants-“

“Is everything alright here?”

Gabriel stopped and turned. Aziraphale looked past him and felt his heart leap. A sleek, black vintage car sat at the curb, its engine rumbling. And standing at the open door of the car was Crowley. His red hair fluttered slightly in the wind, and the smoke from the cigarette hanging from his lips curled gently away from him.

Gabriel stepped back but kept his hands on Aziraphale. “Aren’t you that new kid?”

Crowley used his tongue to slide the cigarette to the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, I am. Now let him go.”

Gabriel raised eyebrows as his gang closed ranks around him. “I think you need to mind your own business and get the fuck out of here.”

Crowley’s faces remained blank. “No, I don’t think I will. I won’t say it again. Let him go.”

Gabriel did, but he turned so that Aziraphale would have to get past him and all of his friends to escape. Aziraphale swallowed. Gabriel wasn’t Scott Loom. Gabriel could do real harm, and he didn’t want Crowley getting hurt for him.

“It’s alight Crowley, just go.”

Crowley looked at him and frowned. Gabriel chuckled. “See, everything’s fine. Now run along.”

Instead of leaving, Crowley stepped away from his car and moved in front of them. “I’m giving you one last warning. Let him go now.”

“Or what?” Gabriel snarled. “I don’t care how hard you think you are. We’ll destroy you.”

As though to make a point, his gang began to step forward. Crowley didn’t move, and instead lifted the bottom of his leather jacket. Gabriel and his friends froze. Because now, Crowley’s hand was resting on a gun. Even Aziraphale shrank back, his heart leaping into his throat. He had never even seen a gun in real life before.

“Aziraphale, get in the car.”

Aziraphale glanced at Gabriel. He was glaring daggers at Crowley, but he didn’t move to stop him. So, with shaking legs, Aziraphale darted around the gang and ran to the car. Crowley waited until he had closed the passenger door to step back and slide himself behind the wheel. He slammed the door, and then floored it.

Aziraphale would have yelped from the sudden speed if his heart wasn’t already racing out of his body. Crowley was silent as he drove. Aziraphale glanced over at him. His expression was dark, his eyebrows knitted together. Aziraphale swallowed.

“Thank you, for that.”

Crowley glanced at him. “So, does this just happen all the time?”

“Oh,” Aziraphale squirmed in his seat, “well, not _all_ the time.”

Crowley shook his head. “This is becoming a full-time job.”

Aziraphale huffed. “I’m sorry if I’m such an inconvenience to you. I didn’t ask you to step in.”

“What, and just let them beat your ass?” Crowley flicked his cigarette out the window and rolled it up.

“I would have been fine. I always am.” They were silent for a moment, then Aziraphale asked, “Why do you keep standing up from me?”

Crowley shifted slightly. “It has nothing to do with you. I just don’t like bullying.”

Aziraphale nodded. It made sense. Why would anyone, especially Crowley, take an interest in him? “Well, I’ll do my best to avoid them from now on.” He glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “Why do you have a gun?”

Crowley shrugged. “I don’t live in the best part of town. It’s necessary.”

Aziraphale frowned. “But, it’s illegal! How did you even get it?”

Crowley’s face remained blank. “If you know the right people, you can get anything.”

Aziraphale stared out the window, deep in thought. He had assumed Crowley was wealthy, based on the expensive clothes, the watch, and the car. If he wasn’t, how had he acquired all of these things? It was very likely that Crowley was wrapped up in some sort of illegal business, and this made Aziraphale’s stomach twist with nerves.

“Are you dangerous?”

He saw Crowley look over at him, but he kept his eyes forward. There was a tense moment of silence as Crowley stared at him. “Why? Are you afraid of me?”

Aziraphale swallowed. “A little bit.” He felt it best to be honest. “I’ve never met someone like you before.”

“Of that, I’m certain,” Crowley nodded. “But… you don’t need to be afraid of me. I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

His voice had gone soft at the end, and this make Aziraphale turn to look at him. He was still staring back.

Aziraphale nodded. “I believe you.” He didn’t know why he did, but he did.

Crowley smiled finally. “Good.”

Crowley went back to looking at the road, and Aziraphale chewed his bottom lip. “How old are you?”

Crowley laughed. “Why?”

“It’s just, you seem very mature for being in high school.”

He shrugged. “Life does that sometimes. But don’t worry, I’m eighteen. I’m not a nark or anything.”

Aziraphale let out a giggle. “I didn’t think you were.”

Crowley smiled and raised an eyebrow. “And you?”

“I’ll be eighteen next month.”

Crowley nodded. “So, um, where am I taking you?”

“Oh!” Aziraphale hadn’t even been paying attention to where they were going, but luckily they had been driving in the right direction. He instructed Crowley on where to go, and a few minutes later they pulled up in front of his house. He smiled at him. “Thank you for the ride. And, again, for stopping Gabriel.”

He nodded. “Anytime.”

Aziraphale got out of the car and looked back. “Bye. I’ll see you around school?”

“Yep.”

Aziraphale felt like he should say something else, but he had nothing. So instead he closed the door and walked to his front stoop. He looked back once and waved. Crowley waved back, and then with the rev of an engine; he was off. Aziraphale stared after the car for a moment, and then let out a breath. He was going to have to find a way to thank Crowley for being so nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be from Crowley's point of view! Again, thank you so much for all of your support!


	5. Chapter 5

Crowley sat in his Bentley, the window down with a cigarette in his hand. The other students of Morningstar High filtered in through the parking lot. He didn’t pay attention to anyone in particular, just let his eyes roam over the current of bodies. He certainly wasn’t looking for anyone in particular, and that someone definitely didn’t have white blond curls or a tartan sweater vest. He ran his tongue absently over his teeth. He had no idea what it was about him, but ever since Aziraphale had smiled at him like he was made of pure sunlight, Crowley hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

Aziraphale seemed genuinely good, and that was exceedingly rare in his world. Kindness wasn’t a profitable commodity and it didn’t stop you from getting your teeth knocked out. Hostility and apathy were the main emotions he dealt with. But not Aziraphale. He smiled freely and without care. Which was incomprehensible to Crowley, as it seems Aziraphale didn’t exactly have it easy. This school was filled with sharks, and he was an open wound. He smiled to himself. It was fine by him, as he had learned a long time ago how to be the biggest predator in any environment. These kids thought they were big shit, but he doubted they had ever known real problems in their life.

He took another drag from his cigarette as his eyes combed the crowed, and then he saw him. He was impossible to miss. In the sea of colors and darkness, he was like a beacon. He wore khaki pants with a tartan sweater vest over a long sleeve cream colored shirt. His while curls stuck up in their usual wispy way. He really did look like an angel, which matched him name. He was alone, like always. Yet he still smiled as he walked.

Crowley absently twirled his cigarette and smiled. He knew he should stay away. It wasn’t like he was seeking him out… he just kept being there. And he couldn’t just stand by and let him get hurt. Honestly, why anyone would want to hurt him was beyond Crowley. He was like a walking ray of light. Then again, people that dealt in darkness hated the light. So why was he so drawn to it? His mind was so caught up on this, that missed the person walking up to his window.

“Hello Crowley.”

It took all of his willpower to not jump. He looked up sharply at Emily. She stood over him with her arms crossed over her chest and a smug smile on her face. He didn’t respond to her greeting and instead took another long drag. She tilted her head.

“Aren’t you going to go into the school?”

He shrugged. “Eventually.”

“Come on, walk with me.”

Crowley had to stop himself from telling her he would rather set his car on fire. He only shook his head. “No thanks. I’ll go when I’m ready.”

She frowned for a moment, but then her smile was plastered on her face again. “Are you coming to my party on Saturday?”

“Maybe, if I have time.”

“Well, it starts at nine and will go until the morning, so you can come whenever you like.”

Crowley tapped his cigarette on edge of the window. “Good to know.”

She stood there for moment more. “Right, well, I’ll see you then.”

She walked away, swinging her hips as she went. He shook his head. There was more than one reason why she wasn’t his type. His sexuality wasn’t something he discussed with anybody. The less people knew about him, the better. And in his world, being attracted to other men could put a target on your back. So over time he had gotten very good at not giving out any vibes. The only problem with this was, it made it nearly impossible for him to get close to someone else who might be like him. Someone who wouldn’t shove him away or be disgusted by that part of him, but would celebrate it. Someone like Aziraphale.

Even though it wasn’t confirmed, he was fairly sure Aziraphale swung his way. But even if he did, that didn’t mean he would ever be interested in him. No, Aziraphale would likely settle down eventually with a librarian, or maybe a teacher. Someone nice and gentle and safe. Someone that was not Crowley. He flexed his jaw and leaned his head back. He didn’t know why he did this to himself. He needed to stay away from Aziraphale. It was best for everyone. He could watch over him and look after him from a distance, but getting close was a bad idea. Then again, Crowley was the King of bad ideas.

#

Aziraphale would have been lying to himself if he said he wasn’t looking for Crowley. He didn’t see him in the halls that morning, but that was to be expected. He had hoped he would see him at lunch, but he was disappointed in that regard as well. He wanted to thank him again for helping him. He had considered possibly asking him to come to the party with Anathema and him, but that thought made him feel quite nauseous, so he put that out of his mind. At least, he thought, he would be able to talk to him in English class.

He sat at his desk and pulled out his usual materials. When the bell rang and he was sure the rest of the class was there, he turned around to ask Crowley if he needed a pencil. He was startled to see that Elle was once again behind him. He frowned and looked around, and then spotted him. He was sitting near the back where Elle had been last class. He felt his heart sinking into his stomach. He had known it would happen eventually, but he had hoped he would have enough time to get to know him first. Crowley had decided he wasn’t worth the trouble. He couldn’t blame him, but he also couldn’t help the sadness that thought filled him with.

Before he could turn back around, Crowley looked up at him. He couldn’t see his eyes, but he thought he looked surprised. Aziraphale spun around and buried himself in his book. It was fine. He didn’t need Crowley to be his friend. He didn’t need anyone to be his friend. He was perfectly happy on his own.

When class was over, he practically ran from the room. He was doing his best to hold it together, but he knew if anyone talked to him, he would break. He got to his locker and busied himself with putting things in and organizing them. Anything to keep his mind from the thought that he had once again ruined his chance at friendship.

“Aziraphale?”

He looked up at Anathema, who stood beside him with a concerned look. “Are you alright? I saw you running through the halls and you looked like you were going to cry.”

Aziraphale clenched his jaw. He had gotten very good at not breaking down in front of others. He never gave the bullies what they wanted. But Anathema wasn’t a bully. She was kind, and right now she was looking at him with such tenderness. He shook his head.

“I ruined it.”

She frowned. “Ruined what?”

“I- I just thought Crowley and I could be friends. But he seems to have decided I’m not worth it. I think he’s avoiding me.”

“I didn’t realize you and Crowley were getting close.”

He shook his head. “No, no we weren’t. But it seemed like maybe he wanted to be my friend. I don’t have any, and I just thought it might be nice to have someone who really cared about me.” He was horrified to realize tears were running down his face.

Anathema looked aghast. “What do you mean you don’t have any friends? I’m your friend!”

Aziraphale hastily wiped the tears away. “Well, sort of. We see each other here at school and we talk when we have the chance. But… I always thought friendship was more than that. Friends go to each other’s houses. Friends text and talk outside of school. Friends do things together. But maybe I’m wrong. I’ve never actually had a real friend to know these sorts of things.”

He looked up at her and was horrified to see tears in her eyes. “Oh, Aziraphale, I didn’t know! I assumed you were happy as you were. I thought you liked being alone.”

He sniffed. “Well, yes, sometimes. But it would also be nice to have someone come over to my house and hangout, or go to lunch with, or maybe a play. And I thought that could be Crowley.”

Anathema took his hand. “Aziraphale, I’m so sorry. From now on, I’ll be real friend to you. And if Crowley can’t see what an awesome person you are, then fuck him! He doesn’t deserve you!”

Aziraphale smiled and gripped her hand more tightly. “Thank you, my dear. That’s very kind of you.”

“I’m not doing it to be kind. I genuinely like you Aziraphale. And it would be an honor to be your friend.” She undid the scarf from her hair and wiped Aziraphale’s cheeks until they were completely dry. When all the tears were gone, she wrapped the scarf around his neck and hooked her arm through his. “Come on, they’re selling churros in the student lounge. I can get a discount.”

Aziraphale felt most of the sadness ease out of him, replaced by a pleasant feeling of contentment. Though, if he thought about it, some of the sadness remained. Because a very small part of him had hoped for more than friendship with Crowley. He shook his head. That was ridiculous. Crowley could never, ever be interested in him in that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was bit more angsty than the others. But on the plus side, next chapter is the party! And party chapters are always fun! As always I love reading what you guys think! You guys are the reason I do this!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley attend the party!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, another chapter in one day? And a long one? Almost 4,000 words? Go me! But seriously, I've been working on this all day because I love these idiot and writing about them is fun. Also, I've been listening to "I Love You" by Billie Eilish, and I'm not going lie, it's affecting how I'm writing this relationship.

“So, you’re actually going to a party?”

Aziraphale looked up from his plate. His dad was giving him a skeptical look.

“Yes. I was invited.”

His dad narrowed his eyes. “By who?”

“Anathema.”

“Anathema? That’s an odd name. Is she one of those band geeks?”

“Honey,” his mother chastised.

His dad ignored her, waiting for an answer. Aziraphale sighed. “No, she’s not. She’s the head of the student council, actually. She’s really nice, and she’s my friend.”

“Well, at least you have a friend,” his dad grumbled.

Aziraphale shrugged and pushed the food around on his plate. He was actually incredibly nervous about tonight. He had never been to a house party before, and he had certainly never drank.

“She’ll be here around eight. She wanted to get ready here and then go over together.”

His dad looked at him sharply. “So, it this like a date?”

“No!” Aziraphale cried. “No, absolutely not. Anathema and I aren’t like that.”

“Come on, son. Even if she isn’t your type, it’ll be good practice for you to date someone. You should ask her out.”

Aziraphale closed his eyes in an attempt to not go on a tirade about how much she wasn’t his type. “No. We both only want to be friends. Now please drop it.”

His dad sighed. “Fine, fine.”

Once dinner was finished, Aziraphale made his way up to his room. He stared at his reflection. He was wearing his best sweater, a green cashmere, with his best khakis. But even if he was dressed in his very best, he was going to stand out. At eight o’clock he heard the doorbell ring. He flew off his bed and ran down the stairs, but his mom had already beat him to the door. Anathema stood in front hall, her dark hair hanging like a cloak around her shoulders. She was in one of her typical long flowing dresses and held an incredibly large bag in her arms. Aziraphale smiled at her as he rushed down the stairs.

“Hey, Anathema! We can go get ready in my room if you like.” He really just wanted to get her away from his parents as quickly as he could. His dad came into the hall and stopped when he saw Anathema. His eyes went wide. He clearly hadn’t been expecting Anathema to be as beautiful as she was.

His dad strode forward and held out his hand. “Pleased to meet you! My son has told us all about you!”

Aziraphale frowned. He hadn’t told them much of anything really. Anathema took his hand and shook it firmly. “Only good things I hope.”

“Oh, an American? He didn’t tell us that.”

“Ok, Anathema, lets go!”

He took her by the hand pulled her up the stairs.

“Keep your door open please!” his mother called after them.

“Ellen, stop it! We can only hope something happens between them.”

Aziraphale squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment. Once they were in his room and his door was shut, Anathema turned to him.

“So, they don’t know?”

“Don’t know what?”

She rolled her eyes. “That I’m not your type.”

He shrugged, not looking her in the eye. “No, not exactly. My dad already disapproves of everything else about me.”

Anathema frowned but didn’t push the matter. She set her bag down on his bed and began to take out items. Some of them he recognized as women’s clothing, and a makeup bag, but then she was taking out other clothes that he couldn’t make sense of. They looked like men’s clothes. He picked up a t-shirt. It was incredible soft and black, with what he assumed was a band logo on the front. He frowned.

“Anathema, what are these?”

She glanced at him. “Oh, I got some clothes for you.”

“What?” he choked out. “Why? I already have clothes.”

“Well, you have school clothes. But I guessed you didn’t have any party clothes. So, I picked some up for you.”

He glanced back at them. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know, but I wanted to. I had to guess your size, but I’m pretty sure I was right. Here are some jeans.”

She threw him a pair of faded jeans with rips in the knees. He stared at them skeptically.

“These aren’t really my style Anathema.”

“I know, but it’s a party. Let loose for one night. Now go put them on.”

He sighed but did as she said and went to the bathroom. He pulled on the jeans, then the shirt. They both somehow fit him perfectly. Anathema had to have used witchcraft to find something that fit him so perfectly. He stared at his reflection, then smiled. He actually looked kind of… cool.

By the time he went back to his room, Anathema had changed as well. She was wearing a dress much shorter than normal, only to her knees, and more form fitting. She was currently applying makeup in the mirror, which she didn’t normally wear. She looked at his reflection when he came in and smiled.

“Wow, you look great! I have fantastic taste!”

He chuckled. “Yes, yes, you’re practically a miracle worker.”

Aziraphale eventually agreed to allow Anathema to style his hair into a messy yet stylish coif that didn’t feel like him, but it did look sort of good. Around nine twenty they left the house and got into Anathema’s car.

“Just letting you know, we’re probably going to have to get a cab home.”

“I could always just drive you home,” Aziraphale said as he buckled himself in.

“Oh no, you’re drinking tonight mister. We are going to drink and dance and have good time. You’ll see. It’ll be fun!”

He pressed his lips together. The worry in his stomach was growing more restless. He didn’t like the idea of letting his guard down in front of people who had been tormenting him for years. He would just end up making an idiot of himself.

They pulled up at nine thirty in front of a house that was already overflowing with people. The music was blasting out the open front door and people were scattered across the lawn.

Anathema took his hand and smiled. “Are you ready?”

“No.”

She laughed. “Come on.”

#

Crowley took another long drink from the red cup in his hand. The mixture inside was fruity, but strong enough that it burned his throat. He liked it. He stood near the back of the house, doing his best to ignore the people around him. He had come here to get drunk, not socialize. But people like Alice Felton were making it exceedingly difficult. She leaned against him, smiling in a way he was sure most boys melted for. He only felt annoyed.

“You’re like, the cutest guy in the whole school. You know that?” She was shouting it over the sound of the music, and her voice was giving him a headache.

“Thanks.”

“I’m serious! Half the girls at school want to jump your bones.”

He smiled idly to himself and thought _‘Good luck with that’_. “That’s nice.”

“Do you want to get out of here?”

He frowned down at her. He had only gotten here twenty minutes ago, and he wasn’t even buzzing yet. Not to mention he hadn’t seen his reason for coming in the first place.

“No. I’m good.”

He pushed her off him and made his way to the kitchen to get a refill. He had been doing a good job of avoiding Aziraphale. He would be lying if he said it didn’t bother him. Talking to Aziraphale made him happy. Too happy. Catching feelings was not something he wanted to do, it would only lead to pain. He had gotten very good at dealing with pain over the years, but it still wasn’t something that he sought out or wanted to feel. And he was sure that if he let himself have feelings for Aziraphale, that would be the result. He refilled the cup and drank deeply, downing nearly the whole thing, before filling it again.

“Crowley!”

He looked up and had to stop himself from sneering. Emily made her way towards him.

“I’m so glad you could make it!”

He shrugged. “I didn’t have much else to do.”

She grabbed his hand. “Come on! Let’s dance!”

He pulled away. “No thanks. I don’t dance.”

She pouted her lips and leaned forward on the counter, exposing her excessive cleavage. “Oh, come on! It’ll be fun!”

He shook his head, only wanting her to go away. “Maybe later. I just want to drink right now.”

He sighed. “Fine. But I’m going to find you later!”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that,” he mumbled.

She ran off into the sea of people who were currently grinding against each other in the living room. He gulped down some more alcohol and made his way into the dining room. He nearly ran into someone, and was about to yell at them, when he looked down and saw who it was. For a moment he didn’t even recognize him. For once he was wearing dark clothing, a band t-shirt and jeans, no less, and his hair was combed into something more stylish. But there was no missing those bright blue eyes. He looked extremely hot.

“Oh, Crowley! I didn’t see you there! I can’t seem to stop from running into you.” Aziraphale laughed, though even over the sound of the music, he sounded nervous. He had likely never been to a house party.

Crowley smiled at him. “Don’t worry about it. I guess it’s just fate.” He internally cringed. What did that even mean?

But Aziraphale only smiled wider. “Yes, perhaps you’re right. So, you decided to come?”

He shrugged. “I thought, why not? Not much else to do.”

Aziraphale nodded. “Yes, Anathema is quite insistent on getting me drunk.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

As though on cue, Anathema appeared beside Aziraphale. She shoved a cup filled with the same fruity alcohol Crowley had into Aziraphale’s hand.

“Hello Crowley. How are you doing?”

He looked away, doing his best to seem nonchalant. “Eh, alright. These people kind of suck.”

Aziraphale took a large gulp of punch and began to cough. Anathema patted him on the back and laughed. “Careful. Drink it slowly or you won’t last an hour.”

Aziraphale nodded and wiped his mouth. “I didn’t expect it to be so strong.” He took another smaller sip.

“You know, there are soda’s in the kitchen if you don’t want that,” Crowley offered.

Aziraphale shook his head. “Oh, no, it’s fine. I want the full high school experience.”

Crowley frowned, about to tell him there was no such thing, but Anathema took Aziraphale by the arm. “Come on, let’s go dance.”

She began to pull him away, but Aziraphale gave him one last glance and smile. “I’ll see you later?”

Crowley nodded as he watched him be pulled away, and said quietly to himself, “Yeah, I hope so.”

#

Aziraphale had never felt like this before. His whole body felt light and happy, like he was floating around the dance floor. He laughed as Anathema stumbled into him and he caught her. He had only had two cups of the punch, or was it three? Either way, he was quite tipsy. He liked it. For once he wasn’t worrying about what everyone around him thought. He felt free. The music was loud and he bounced himself back and forth to it.

He leaned into Anathema’s ear. “You know, I’ve never danced before!”

She laughed. “But you’re so good at it!”

He thought she had had even more to drink than him. But she always looked comfortable. She swayed elegantly around him, and he was aware of the men that stood around them, looking her up and down. He stepped closer to her, protectively. He scanned the rest of the room, and near the back, saw Crowley again. He was swaying to the music, bopping his head. He brought a cigarette to his mouth and inhaled. Aziraphale guessed there was more than just nicotine in it. Crowley threw his head back and shook his hair, making Aziraphale’s heart thump unevenly. Without thinking, he said to Anathema, “He’s quite beautiful, isn’t he?”

She frowned and looked where he was looking. Her eyebrows shot up. “You like Crowley?”

Even drunk, Aziraphale felt his face blushing. “What? No, no. It’s just, he is pleasant to look at, right.”

She looked back to Crowley and smiled. “Yeah, I guess so. You should go talk to him.”

Aziraphale shook his head, which he realized was a horrible idea when he almost fell down. “No, I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Anathema!” he cried. “He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

She rolled her eyes but dropped it. Aziraphale wasn’t sure how much later it was when he stumbled down the hall in search of the bathroom. There was a line of people waiting outside of a door, which he assumed was the restroom. He fell against the wall and waited. He felt someone touch his shoulder and looked up.

Mia, who he knew from drama class was smiling at him. “Hey Aziraphale. I almost didn’t recognize you. You look good!”

He smiled hazily at her. “Oh, thank you my dear. That’s very nice of you.”

She stepped closer, her body pressing against his. Even drunk, his alarms bells were going off. He leaned away. “I can be even more nice. You want to go someplace more private.

He shook his head. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Oh, well we can both go in there.”

He scrunched up his face. “Oh, no, that’s-“

“Come on, I insist!” She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his neck.

Aziraphale had gone completely still. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. But a moment later her body was off him. She stumbled back, and Aziraphale looked up at the person who had her arm. Crowley was glaring down at her, and it was just as frightening as the other times he had done it.

“Get the fuck out of here,” he snarled.

She gasped and stumbled away into the crowd. Crowley looked back to Aziraphale.

“Are you ok?”

He nodded. “I was just waiting in line for the bathroom.”

Crowley glanced at the line and then smiled. “Come on, there’s a bathroom off Emily’s parents’ room. There won’t be a line there.”

Before Aziraphale could say anything, Crowley had taken him by the wrist and was leading him up some stairs. He pushed open a door at the top and closed it behind them once they were inside. The sound of the music dimmed and Aziraphale found he could finally think. The room they were in was dimly lit and cool, and Aziraphale let out a sigh.

“Come on, it’s over here.” Crowley said as he stumbled forward. Aziraphale realized that Crowley was drunk as well. Crowley walked to an archway and leaned against the wall, thrusting his thumb over his shoulder.

Aziraphale looked and saw it was an open-air bathroom, which meant there wasn’t a door. “Um, but-“

Crowley snorted. “I’m not going to look. Just go.”

Aziraphale decided not to argue. He really had to go quite badly. He stumbled to the toilet and unzipped his pants. The sound of him peeing made him blush, as he realized Crowley could certainly here it. He glanced back to the arch way but couldn’t see Crowley. He finished up and washed his hands before stumbling back out. Crowley was sitting on the floor with his head against the wall. His glasses had slipped down his nose and he was looking up at him with lidded eyes. He actually looked quite sweet like this. He patted the floor beside him.

“Come on, sit down. It’s too hot and loud out there.”

Aziraphale agreed, so he slid himself down until he was sitting right beside him. “I think I like alcohol.”

Crowley laughed. “Yeah? Why’s that.”

“I don’t know. It feels good. I don’t feel so nervous. I feel like I’m always anxious, always afraid of what people think of me. I wish I could be more like you and just not care what people think.”

Crowley looked at him. “I care what some people think.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “Like who?”

Instead of answering, Crowley pulled his sunglasses off and tucked them into his shirt collar. “You want to know a secret?”

Aziraphale lit up. “Oh, yes!”

“I only came here tonight because I knew you were going to be here.”

Aziraphale frowned. “What? Why?”

Crowley shrugged. “You’re the only person at the school who isn’t desperately trying to be what everyone around them wants. You’re real. You smile when you’re happy and you frown when you’re sad and you just don’t care. People keep trying to beat you down. But you get back up. And still, you smile. I’ve never met someone like you before.”

Aziraphale blinked and rested his head against the wall. “Then why have you been avoiding me?”

Crowley sighed. “I wasn’t exactly avoiding you.”

“Yes, you were! I’m not stupid.”

“I know you’re not stupid. You’re the opposite of stupid.”

“I believe the word you’re looking for is _smart._”

Crowley raised his eyebrows and scoffed. “Well, there’s that sass I was looking for.”

Aziraphale smiled indulgently. But then the smile slid from his face. “Really, though. Why have you been avoiding me? If you don’t want to be my friend, I understand. But you could at least tell me. I’m used to people ignoring me, you know, I just hoped you would be different.”

Without his glassed, Aziraphale could see the sadness in his eyes. He immediately wanted to take his words back. He never wanted to see that hurt in Crowley’s eyes.

“Aziraphale, I do want to be your friend. I just…” He closed his eyes, as though searching in the dark for the right words. “I just thought it would be best for you if we weren’t. I’m not exactly like the other people in your life. I don’t want to get you into trouble.”

Aziraphale frowned. “I’m not a child Crowley. I’m plenty old enough to decide who I want in my life. My parents already try to control every aspect of my life, I don’t need you to do that too. Besides, you’ve been the one getting me out of trouble.”

Crowley smiled. They sat in silence for several moments, and then Aziraphale spoke again.

“Look, I know I can be a lot. I’m stuffy and anxious and nerdy. I’m not cool at all. And if you don’t want to be my friend, it’s ok, really. Just… tell me. So that I don’t have to waste my time looking for you.”

Crowley turned his whole body suddenly so that he was facing him. Aziraphale blinked as he was suddenly face to face with Crowley. Crowley reached up with both hands and Aziraphale’s heart nearly stopped. He cupped his cheeks in between his hands in a way that contradicted Crowley’s harsh outer appearance. Aziraphale held his breath.

“Aziraphale, listen to me. I do want to be your friend. I’m sorry if I made you think otherwise. I promise, from now on I won’t make that mistake.”

Aziraphale swallowed. “We could be friends in secret if you wanted. Nobody would have to know, and you could still be cool. We could just hangout after school.”

Crowley shook him suddenly, his eyes ablaze and his mouth scrunched up. “Stop that! Stop that right now! Stop putting yourself down and letting others treat you like crap. And don’t you dare assume that I’m like them! I’m not and I won’t ever treat you like some horrible secret! I’ll go scream it at everyone right now if it’ll help you believe it.”

Aziraphale laughed and pulled his hands from his face, keeping them between his own. “No, no that’s fine. I do believe you. If you really insist.”

Crowley nodded. “I do. If I’m being honest, I could use a friend like you as well.”

Aziraphale beamed. “Well, then it’s settled. We’ll be each other’s emotional support friends.”

Crowley threw his head back and laughed fully. It was the first time Aziraphale had heard that laugh from him, and it was breathtaking. Aziraphale wasn’t sure what his face looked like when Crowley looked back at him, but however he looked, it seemed to sober Crowley. Aziraphale watched his throat as he swallowed and licked his lips. Aziraphale didn’t realize that he mimicked the movement, but Crowley did. He wasn’t even aware that he was leaning forward.

“Aziraphale, I-“

Whatever he was about to say was interrupted by the door being thrown open. Crowley sprung away from him as Anathema stumbled into the room. She looked from where Crowley was leaning back on the floor to Aziraphale who was looking up with very startled eyes. She seemed to realize she had stumbled into something.

“Oh, crap, I’m sorry! I was just looking for the other bathroom!”

“No!” Aziraphale stood. “It’s fine. We were just talking. The bathroom is here.”

Anathema looked back to Crowley, who was also stumbling to his feet. He nodded. “Yeah, we were just talking. I have to leave anyways. Um, bye Aziraphale.”

Without another word, he stumbled past Anathema and ran down the stairs. Aziraphale closed his eyes and cursed himself. Why did he have to push it? Crowley wants to be his friend. And that’s enough for him. It must be.

Anathema was clearly drunk and stumbled against the wall. “Um, did you say the bathroom was in here?”

Aziraphale pointed and Anathema rushed past him. Aziraphale would have to set boundaries for himself from now on. He didn’t want to scare Crowley away.

#

Crowley sat in his car and took long, slow breaths. What the hell had he been about to do? He had told himself that he would stay away from Aziraphale, and yet he had just practically kissed him! What was wrong with him? Only a few minutes alone with Aziraphale and he had been about to throw all of his thoughts on self-preservation out the window. He wasn’t entirely sure how it had even happened. All he knew was that Aziraphale looked sad and he had felt the need to put an end to that. He couldn’t bare those eyes looking at him with such hurt.

He leaned back and closed his eyes. Ok. So he felt more strongly than he had initially thought. The feelings were there. But he couldn’t pull away again. He had promised Aziraphale that they would be friends. And a friend was what Aziraphale needed. He could be that. He could. He needed to put his feeling on the back burner, ignore them. For Aziraphale. It wouldn’t be too difficult, he lied to himself. He was strong. He and Aziraphale would be… how had Aziraphale put it? Emotional support friends. He laughed to himself again. What a dork. He loved it.

His eyes shot open. No, abso-fucking-lutely not. He was not going to use that word. He took another deep breath. This would be fine. He just had to set… boundaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendship status= Achieved. Now if only these two could get past their hangups. Let me know what you guys thought of this one!


	7. Chapter 7

On Monday morning Aziraphale made his way along the sidewalk on his way to the front steps of the high school. His mind was off in another universe, as was typical for him. At the moment, he resided with in the world Pride and Prejudice. He hummed lightly, too low for anyone else to hear, and smiled to himself. He was pulled from those thoughts, however, when he felt someone nudge his shoulder. He looked to his left and saw Crowley walking beside him, hands in his pockets and a small smile on his face. Aziraphale lit up.

“Oh, hello Crowley! How are you this morning?”

Crowley glanced down, looking amused. “Oh, just about as good as I am every morning. That is to say, tired and wishing I was anywhere else but here.” He nodded his head up at the building and Aziraphale chuckled.

“I know what you mean.” He didn’t, actually. He loved school. “Did you do anything fun over the weekend?”

He glanced down at him. “You mean besides the party?”

Aziraphale flushed suddenly at that thought. The memory of his face too close to Crowley’s coming to mind. “Well, yes, besides that.”

He shook his head. “Nope. You?”

“I helped my mother bake cookies for her work party.”

Crowley let out a laugh. “Cookies?”

“Yes!” Aziraphale said indignantly. “I like baking.”

Crowley smirked. “I bet you do.”

Aziraphale glared up at him. “Are you making fun of me?”

Crowley pouted his lips, as though to look innocent. “Oh, I wouldn’t dare do that! Teasing you? Yeah, maybe.”

Shaking his head, Aziraphale made his way up the school steps. “You’re a wily demon, you know that Crowley?”

Crowley chuckled. “Well if I’m a demon, that makes you an angel.”

Aziraphale nodded. “Hmm, I suppose that does fit us rather well.”

As they walked through the halls, they were too caught up in talking to each other to notice to students around them staring. They did make an odd couple, Crowley all lean lines and darkness and Aziraphale all round curves and light. They reached Aziraphale’s locker and he opened it. Crowley leaned his back against the locker next to him.

“Do you have any plans for after school?”

Aziraphale looked up at him sharply? “What? Oh, no, not really. Why?”

Crowley shrugged, not looking at him. “There’s a cool coffee place I know that I thought you might like. It’s a bit more my speed, but I think you would still like it. We could, I don’t know, study or something.”

Aziraphale smiled slowly, his chest filling with something that felt dangerously close to hope. But he squashed that down. Crowley was straight, and it wasn’t right to pine after your straight friends. “Oh, ok. That sounds lovely.”

Crowley nodded and smiled, still not looking at him. “Great. I’ll meet you here after school and we can drive there.”

Aziraphale nodded with excitement. “Yes, that sounds wonderful!”

Right then Anathema darted up to them and stepped close to Aziraphale. “Aziraphale! I need to talk to you.” She turned and looked at Crowley. “Is he in?”

Aziraphale looked back and forth between Anathema and Crowley. “Um, in? Crowley and I are friends.”

“Oh good. Well then you can stay,” she said to Crowley.

Crowley raised his eyebrows. “I’m honored.”

She ignored him. “Ok, _so_, you know how at the party on Saturday when I burst in on you two… talking?”

Aziraphale blushed and Crowley shifted, as though uncomfortable. Aziraphale cleared his throat. “Um, yes. I remember.”

“Right, well what I didn’t tell you that night was that I had just finished making out with someone.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “Oh really? Who?”

Anathema bit her lips and giggled. “Newton.”

Aziraphale’s mouth fell open. “Newton Pulsifer?”

“Yes!” Anathema cried, breaking out into a fit of giggles.

“Wait,” Crowley frowned, “why is that so funny?”

“Well, I’ll just say Newt is barely a step above me. He’s in band and the math’s league, and he’s quite socially awkward.”

Crowley narrowed his eyes. “He sounds several steps below you.”

“I think he’s very cute, actually,” Anathema frowned.

“Yeah, well so is Aziraphale.”

Aziraphale looked up at Crowley sharply, and saw that his whole face had gone very red. Crowley cleared his throat. “I mean, so are you Anathema. It’s just a fact. I have eyes.”

He looked away; his face still incredibly flushed. Aziraphale smiled. He had never seen Crowley flustered before, and it was extremely adorable. Anathema was looking at him as well, and she looked very smug about something.

She shook her head. “Right. Well, anyways, I was thinking of asking him out.”

“_You _are going to ask _him _out?” Aziraphale asked with raised eyebrows. “Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”

Anathema rolled her eyes. “It’s the twenty first century Zira, catch up. Besides, he almost fainted when we kissed, so I’m guessing he’ll never take the initiative. Which is fine. I have more than enough personality for the both of us.” She looked down at her watch suddenly, as though she had remembered something. “Oh, crap. I need to stop by the student council building before class. I’ll see you two later.”

With that she was off, pushing her way through the crowd. Crowley blinked after her. “Wow, she’s… a handful, huh?”

Aziraphale laughed and nodded. “I’d say so. But in the best way possible. I don’t know many people more kind than her.”

“Hmm, I think I might know one person.”

Aziraphale looked up at him and saw that he was staring at him with a small smile. Aziraphale felt a blush creep to his cheeks.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I’m not _that_ nice.”

“Pfft, yeah, ok. You’re like a puppy.”

Aziraphale’s jaw fell open in mock outrage as he struck Crowley’s arm. Crowley pretended to wince in pain. “How dare you? I’ll have you know I can be quite formidable when provoked.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to provoke you then.”

Aziraphale was going to retort, but the sound of the bell stopped him.

Crowley pushed himself off the locker. “Right, meet me here after school?”

Aziraphale nodded and watched as Crowley made his way down the hall. He had to stop his heart from pounding to quickly.

The day passed by dreadfully slow. Class’s that Aziraphale normally liked seemed quite dull. He didn’t see Crowley at lunch once again, which dampened his spirits, but he was pleased to find Crowley once again behind him in English.

“Can I borrow a pencil?”

Aziraphale shook his head in disapproval but smiled. “You really should remember to bring your own supplies.”

“But then I wouldn’t have the joy of talking to you,” Crowley said with a smirk.

Aziraphale swallowed loudly. “You could just talk to me about normal things.” But he set one of his pencils on his desk anyways.

Crowley shrugged. “There’s time for both.”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow, but turned back around when the teacher walked in. The rest of the day went on as normal, and after his last class, Aziraphale rushed to his locker. Sure enough, Crowley was already there. The way he looked leaning back against the lockers could have been art hung in the Louvre for all his beauty. Aziraphale sighed and brushed that thought away.

“Hello Crowley!” he said with a smile.

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “You act like we didn’t just see each other an hour ago.”

Aziraphale stopped and cleared his throat, forcing his expression to be more under control. He didn’t want to scare him away by being over enthusiastic. “Right, sorry. I’m just looking forward to our study session.”

“Hey, don’t apologize. I never said it was a bad thing.”

Ten minutes later Aziraphale found himself in the passenger seat of Crowley’s car. A Queen song blasted from the radio as Aziraphale gripped his seat for dear life. Crowley’s style of driving was… terrifying. He whipped through traffic like it wasn’t even there. But Crowley looked the picture of ease. He drove with one hand on the wheel and one hand thrown along the back of Aziraphale’s seat. Aziraphale told himself this was likely how he always drove and was comfortable with. The reached the coffee shop far more quickly than what should have been possible. Aziraphale stumbled from the car and clutched his chest.

“My dear, I’m not sure how you haven’t been in an accident yet.”

Crowley looked at him sharply and stared for a moment before shrugging. “I’m just that good.”

“Hmm, indeed.”

The inside of the coffee shop was dimly lit, with plants growing on every open surface. Some sort of ivy grew on the walls, creeping all the way onto the ceiling. It was quite beautiful.

Crowley nudged him. “Hey, I’ll get the drinks while you get us somewhere to sit.”

Aziraphale nodded and began to take out some money, but Crowley pushed it back into his hands. “No, my treat. What do you want?”

“Oh! Um, I’ll just have tea. With cream and two sugars please.”

Crowley nodded and made his way to the counter as Aziraphale looked around for some place to sit. It was fairly crowded, thought luckily not too loud. He spotted a comfortable looking loveseat near the back and made his way over. Was it normal for friends to buy each other drinks? He supposed it must be. Crowley would have more experience with it than him. He settled into the couch and took out his books and notepads. Crowley joined him a minute later, holding two cups. Aziraphale took one and smiled warmly.

“Thank you, my dear.”

Crowley just nodded. He looked at the spot beside Aziraphale and seemed to be considering his options. Aziraphale looked up. “Is something wrong?”

“What? Oh, no. Nothing.”

Crowley dropped into the seat. It sunk slightly in the middle, and Aziraphale found his leg pressed firmly against Crowley’s. He fought back a blush and focused on his books. He sipped his tea and worked away on his homework, only noticing about fifteen minutes later that Crowley didn’t have any work out. He was instead scrolling through his phone.

“Aren’t you going to study?”

“Hmm? Oh, I don’t have any homework.”

Aziraphale frowned. “I know for a fact that’s not true. We both have an assignment in English.”

Crowley smirked. “Yeah, I’ll just work on it at home.”

Aziraphale huffed. “Well, then why did you invite me here to study?”

Crowley stared at him for a moment. “I don’t know. I just thought you might like this place and it might be fun to hangout.”

Leaning back into the couch, Aziraphale considered this. “Oh. Well then, I could always do this later. We could… hangout.”

Crowley laughed. “No, angel, it’s fine. You do your work.”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened and Crowley frowned. “What’s wrong.”

“Oh, nothing. It’s just… you called me angel.”

Aziraphale noticed a pink tint grow on Crowley’s face. “Oh, sorry. I just thought… you were calling me dear. I thought we were thinking of nicknames. But, um, I’m realizing you must call everyone that. And you’re named after an angel so… I’m sorry, that was stupid.”

“No!” Aziraphale rushed. “No, I like it. It fits, I think.” He gave him a reassuring smile, and after a moment, Crowley returned it.

“Well, ok. If you’re sure.”

“I am.” Aziraphale nodded. “Oh, and for the record. I don’t call everyone dear.”

He turned back to his book, continuing writing where he left off. And Crowley continued watching him while he wasn’t looking, right where he left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think! All of your comments make me super freaking happy!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, Trigger Warning for this chapter for child abuse, bodily harm, and excessive swearing. We find out a little bit more about Crowley's life, and why he is the way he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've said it before and I'll say it again, "I Love You" by Billie Eilish is basically my anthem for Crowley in this fic and it both breaks my heart and makes me very happy. This chapter was a bit hard to write because of Angst, but I hope you all like it. It's very necessary to the plot of the story.

The dim lights of Crowley’s room would have been difficult for some to see in, but not him. He preferred it. Bright lights were exposing. They were harsh and cruel and exposed every flaw. No. Crowley would prefer to live in the dark. He currently sat on his bed with a notebook propped against his legs and a pen in hand. The Velvet Underground played quietly in the background, lulling him into a sense of comfort. The subject of his drawing also gave him comfort. Though he was drawing in black and white, the blue of Aziraphale’s eyes practically shone out of the paper. He smiled to himself as he drew the gentle lines of Aziraphale’s lips.

He thought himself a very good artist, but he would never be able to capture the pure beauty that Aziraphale radiated. This was because his beauty wasn’t just physical. It was within him. He didn’t believe in souls, but if he did, Aziraphale’s would be a lighthouse. Everything about him was stunning. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back.

He had hoped that spending time alone with Aziraphale would ease the growing feelings he had. Unfortunate, the opposite had happened. He had hung out with him every day after school for the past week, and everyday he noticed something different. On the first day he noticed how Aziraphale scrunched up his nose when he was trying to solve a particularly difficult problem. On the second day he had discovered that no matter the song, Aziraphale always hummed out of tune. Normally, he would find this annoying. With Aziraphale, it was adorable. Like he was humming to his own frequency. On the third day he had found that Aziraphale could be quite the bastard, in the best way possible. And the more time he spent with him, the more he found he needed to be a round him. He wanted to discover everything he could about him.

The sound of his front door opening, and loud voices, broke him from his thoughts. He sat up, listening. One of the voices was definitely his mothers. The other certainly male. He frowned. What would it be tonight? Drunken laughter was followed quickly by a crash. He closed his eye. They were in the kitchen now, probably breaking the few dishes they had. Crowley shook his head and tried to ignore it, going back to his happy place in Aziraphale’s eyes. The sudden rise in voices made it clear that wasn’t going to happen.

“Stop being a dumb bitch!”

“Fuck you!”

“Oh, fuck me? Isn’t that what you brought me back here to do? You stupid whore!”

“You’re a stupid fucking bastard. Get the fuck out!”

“I’ll go when I’m good and ready!”

Crowley threw open his door to the sound of another crash. He was wearing only a tank top and jeans, but he grabbed the bat that was propped up near the door. He walked the few steps down the short hall until he reached the living room and kitchen. His mother was currently being pressed against the counter by a large bald man with tatted arms. He had one hand wrapped around his mother’s throat and the other up her shirt. Crowley clenched his jaw.

“Hey!”

The man pulled away abruptly. He clearly hadn’t realized anyone else was home. He spun around and took in the sight of Crowley. A sneer pulled at his lips.

“Who the fuck are you? Her pimp?”

Crowley gripped the bat more tightly. “Get the fuck out of here.”

“Anthony, go back to your room!” his mother slurred.

The man laughed. “What, is this your kid? This little fairy?” He looked to his mother and then back to Crowley. “Yeah, go run back to your room little Anthony. Mommy and daddy and having a conversation.”

Crowley swung the bat with force, connecting with the wall and creating a large hole. The man jumped slightly, but otherwise didn’t move. Crowley fought to keep his voice calm.

“Get out of my house now.”

“Anthony, stay out of this! It’s none of your goddamn business!”

He chose to ignore his mother once again. The man took a step towards him. “You think you’re a big man Anthony? Come on then. Let’s go, let’s see what you got. If you win, I’ll leave. If I win, I’ll knock out every tooth in your mouth and take your mum with me as a prize.”

Crowley had had enough of this. He tossed the bat onto the ground and reached around his back to his waist band. He pulled out the gun and pointed it. The man immediately took a step back.

“Jesus, what the fuck?”

“I said,” he clicked the safety off, “Get out.”

The man stumbled backwards without another word and ran out the front door. Crowley’s heart was pounding out of control. You’d think after doing this shit enough, he would be used to it. He lowered the gun and blew out a breath.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” his mother screeched.

Her blonde hair was a mess, some of it sticking to her forehead while the rest hung in a tangled bun. She stepped in front of him, her teeth bared and her eyes bleary from alcohol. He knew he shouldn’t engage with her, but his anger got the better of him.

“What’s wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you? That’s the eighth guy you’ve brought home this month! Is there a specific place you have to go to find the absolute scum of the Earth?”

“Don’t you fucking talk to me that way! I’m your mother!”

“Oh, yeah, and you’re really great at acting like it! That guy could have killed you and then me! But you don’t even care.”

“It’s none of your god damn business! I was handling it!”

“Oh, really? Like you handled it that one time when that guy robbed us? Or when that other guy broke your arm? Or when they gave you stitches? I’ve been having to protect your ass ever since I was able, and before I was able I to I had to put up with your shit boyfriends too! Or did you forget about that?”

He lifted his shirt to show the scars on his stomach that matched the scars on his back. His mother barely glanced down. “You’ve always been such a damn cry baby.”

Crowley stepped forward, his hands balled into his fist as his anger surged through him.

His mother sneered. “What are you going to do? Hit your own mother?”

Crowley was shaking, but he shook his head. “No. I’m not like them and I’m not like you.”

He turned around and began to walk away, but her voice cut through him. “You think you’re so much better than me? You’re exactly the same! You’re broken, and that’s why you destroy everything and everyone you get close to.”

He spun back around. “That’s bullshit! I at least understand the concept of loving someone besides myself!”

She laughed a harsh and cutting laugh. “If I didn’t care about you would I be here? If I was such a bitch would I have made the trouble of moving us here after all the shit you did? After you almost got yourself killed? After you acted like a fucking thug? I have given up everything I wanted in life to raise you!”

“Oh, you act like you gave up so much! So we had to move from one shit hole to another! But you’re in luck, because the men here are just like they were back there!”

“I had a life!” she screamed.

He stepped right up to her face, his own voice so loud he was sure they could hear him from blocks away. “You act like I asked to be born! You act like I wanted him to walk out and leave you! It’s not my fault you couldn’t keep your god damn legs closed!”

Her hand struck him across the face, hard enough to throw his head to the side. They remained frozen for a moment, both breathing deeply. Without another word he walked around her and grabbed his jacket from near the door and walked out. He pulled the keys from the pocket and got into his car, speeding away. He knew he was driving too fast, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care what happened, he just wanted to get as far from that place as possible. He didn’t realize that he had tears in his eyes until he couldn’t see the road. He hit the brake and pulled over.

It had been a long time since he had cried, but he allowed the emotion to take him now. His body rocked with sobs as he threw himself onto the steering wheel. The tears streamed down his face, no longer being held back. He hated her. He hated what she had put him through and what her actions had pushed him to do. He had done what he had to in order to survive. He always had, long before it should have been necessary. She didn’t know the meaning of love. And hell, maybe he didn’t either. But as he sat there crying, he realized he only want to do one thing. He pulled out his phone and hit call.

He got his breathing under control as it rang. He didn’t want to sound like he was crying. He picked up on the fifth ring.

“Crowley? Are you alright? It’s three in the morning, you know?” Aziraphale’s voice was rough from sleep. He had clearly just woken up. 

Despite the ache in his heart, Crowley smiled. His voice was like a gentle caress. “Sorry angel, did I wake you?”

Aziraphale cleared his throat and Crowley heard rusting, like he was sitting up from bed. “Oh, no, not at all! I was just up late reading. But are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just…” I just wanted to hear your voice. I just wanted to hear the voice of the one person I actually care about. “I was just bored.”

“Oh, I see. Are you at home?”

“Yeah, I’m in my room. What book are you reading?”

“Oh, um, it’s not a classic actually. It’s a mystery I picked up recently. It’s quite interesting actually.”

Crowley laid down across the front seat of his car, smiling at the ceiling. “Tell me about it.”

And so Aziraphale went on a thirty-minute tangent about the poor heroine of his story and her desperate search for a lost book that was in fact a family heirloom. There were twists and turns and many surprising outcomes, and Aziraphale told him all of them like he was explaining the plot of an action movie. Crowley hummed and replied when appropriate, but otherwise just let him talk. When he finished, Crowley could hear the sleep in his voice.

“Are you tired?

“Oh, just a bit. But I can talk more if you’d like.”

Crowley shook his head and smiled. “No, angel, it’s fine. Get some sleep. I’m going to bed too. I’ll see you at school on Monday, ok?”

“Hmm, ok. Well, goodnight dear.”

“Goodnight.”

The line went dead and Crowley rested the phone on his chest. His smile slid from his face as the realization hit him. He knew it now, without a doubt. He loved Aziraphale. He loved him in way he had never loved anyone before and in a way he had never been loved himself. The realization brought tears back to his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, this was bit heavy. But this was actually one of my favorite chapters to write so far. Please let me know what you think!


	9. Chapter 9

“Hey, don’t laugh at me!”

Aziraphale covered his mouth. “I’m not laughing at you, dear. I just can’t picture it.”

Crowley leaned back in his chair, chewing on a baby carrot like a cigarette. “Why not?”

“Well, just imagine _you_ in a garden! You’re so… suave. I can’t imagine you covered in dirt and surrounded by flowers. It’s a lovely image, really, it’s just surprising.”

Crowley shrugged and smiled. “I mean, I’ve never actually had a garden of my own. But at my old school they had a greenhouse and you could get extra credit if you staid after and did work in it. I used to stay there until it got dark and they made me go home.”

Aziraphale smiled softly. The more he found out about Crowley, the more he was drawn to him. He wasn’t all that he appeared to be on the outside. There were layers of beauty in there, and Aziraphale was determined to pull them all back. It was like turning the pages in a particularly interesting book, where he never knew exactly what he was going to find next.

“Well, perhaps you could come over and do something with the garden at my house. My mother always intended on making something of it, but I suppose she never had the time.”

Crowley raised his eyebrows. “Are you inviting me over to your house?”

Aziraphale smiled. “Yes, why not? Friends go to each other’s houses, don’t they?”

“I guess so,” Crowley said with a nod.

“Hey guys!” Anathema said pleasantly as she approached their table with a tray in her hands.

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “Do you finally have a lunch free from student council?”

Anathema set her tray down beside Aziraphale. “I figured Becky could handle everything for a day. So we thought we would join you.”

Aziraphale turned to where she was looking and saw Newt standing a few feet away with a tray of his own. He normally looked nervous, but right now his eyes were on Crowley and he looked positively petrified. He had obviously heard the rumors.

“Come on Newt, sit down,” Anathema urged.

Newt walked forward on shaky legs and sat down beside Crowley. He glanced over at him and Crowley gave him a smile that showed far more teeth than normal, giving him the appearance of a frightening predator. Aziraphale kicked his leg under the table, and Crowley looked at him sharply.

“Hello Newt. It’s lovely to see you again.”

Newt moved his eyes to Aziraphale. “Oh, hello Aziraphale. How are you?”

“I’m fine. Have you met Crowley yet?”

Newt looked back at him and shook his head, then slowly extended his hand. “It’s, um, it’s nice to meet you.”

Crowley smirked and shook his hand. “Is it? You seem a bit tense.”

“Oh, sorry. Yeah I’m just like that sometimes.”

“So, do you two have Halloween plans?” Anathema asked.

Aziraphale frowned. “Plans? We’re a bit old to go trick or treating.”

Anathema rolled her eyes. “Yeah, duh. But I was thinking it might be fun to have a few friends over to watch scary movies and eat candy. Would you two be down?”

Crowley shrugged. “I suppose I could put off my plans of sacrificing a virgin under the moonlight. Movies might be more fun.”

Aziraphale and Anathema laughed, but Newt noticeably paled.

Aziraphale nodded. “Yes, it could be fun.”

“Great!” Anathema clapped her hands. “Make sure to dress up in a costume!”

Aziraphale frowned. “Why? It’ll only be a few of us.”

“Come on, get in the spirit! It’ll feel more like an event.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “I haven’t dressed up for Halloween since I was eight.”

“Well then, it’ll be a fun new experience.”

After school, Aziraphale and Crowley sat in their favorite love seat at the coffee shop. Aziraphale was working on his paper for English while Crowley watched videos on his phone. Aziraphale glanced at Crowley out of the corner of his eye, feeling slightly nervous.

“Hey, Crowley?”

“Hmm?” He looked up from his phone.

“Would you want to come to dinner at my house?”

Crowley blinked, then frowned. “Why?”

“Oh, it’s just, I told my parents about you. I’ve never had a close friend before, and they want to meet you.”

Crowley raised his eyebrows. “Do they want to make sure I’m not a bad influence on their perfect angel?”

Aziraphale flushed. “What? No! It’s nothing like that. I’m fairly sure they think I’m boring enough that no one could make me do anything bad.”

Crowley smirked. “Maybe I’ll have to change that opinion.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes but smiled. “I’m sure my father would encourage it.”

Crowley looked away, considering it. Finally, he nodded. “If you really think it’s a good idea for me to meet your parents, I will.”

“Why on Earth would it not be a good idea?”

“I don’t know,” Crowley shrugged. “I don’t exactly make the best first impressions.”

“That isn’t true! You made you a good first impression on me.”

Crowley smiled. “Yeah, well, you’re different angel. I think you might have a couple feathers loose up here.” He tapped Aziraphale’s forehead.

Aziraphale swatted his hand away. “Oh, stop that. I’m sure they’ll love you.”

Crowley fell silent, looking off into the distance. Aziraphale watched him, wanting desperately to know what was on his mind. What did he think about when he was silent and distant, when his eyes searched the middle distance as though he were searching for something nobody else could see? Aziraphale found that he wanted to reach out and touch him. To press his fingers against the soft skin of his cheeks and allow his fingers to roam up to his flames of red hair. Maybe Crowley would hum and lean into it. Aziraphale blushed and looked away.

_Stop that. Stop fantasizing about a man you cannot have. All you are doing is torturing yourself. _

Crowley seemed to come back to himself and looked over at him. “Do you want a scone?”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “What?”

“A scone,” Crowley repeated. “I could go for one. Do you want one?”

Aziraphale lit up. “Oh, yes, that would be lovely. Thank you dear.”

Crowley got up and made his way to the counter. Aziraphale had stopped trying to give him money, as he had shoved it back at him every time, as though it insulted him. Aziraphale watched Crowley as he ordered and noticed other eyes in the shop looking at him as well. Young women watched from over cups of coffee, their eyes raking over his tall form. Aziraphale felt what he knew to be jealously stir in his stomach. It would happen someday, Aziraphale knew. Someday Crowley would get a girlfriend and he would start spending all of his time with her. The thought made Aziraphale nauseous. It was selfish of him. He knew he should want Crowley to find love, to find someone to share his life with. But when that happened, Aziraphale would be alone once again. They could still hangout sometimes, sure, but Aziraphale would be forced to watch Crowley love someone else. To watch him kiss her and hold her hand, and he would have to go home and wish it was him. He swallowed hard. It would hurt, that was for certain. But Aziraphale would stay, non-the-less. He couldn’t walk away from Crowley now. His spiraling thoughts were interrupted by a scone being shoved in his face.

“Ok, angel?”

Aziraphale blinked and plastered on his most reassuring smile. “Oh, yes! I’m fine.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow but didn’t push the subject. He dropped back onto the couch, his leg pressing against Aziraphale’s once again. Aziraphale sighed and leaned back. He may as well enjoy this while it lasted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale my dear, you are an idiot. This chapter was a bit short but I hope you still enjoy it! Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley meets the parents!

Crowley sat in his car outside the two-story house. He had turned the engine off several minutes ago, but he hadn’t gotten out yet. He glanced at the time. Six o’clock. It was time. They were expecting him, but truthfully, he didn’t know what to expect himself. What the hell did it mean? He knew what it normally meant when someone wanted you to meet their parents, but this wasn’t the case with Aziraphale. Aziraphale was only his friend. Maybe he had really never had a friend before, and his parents were curious. He blew out a breath. Oh well, he might as well get this over with.

He got out of the car and slammed the door. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t put any effort into how he looked tonight. Instead of his leather jacket he wore a black button up shirt with his best pair of jeans. He had swapped his normal leather boots for a pair of snakeskin shoes. He had even pulled his hair back into a low bun. He approached the front door, then knocked. He heard quick footsteps inside, then the door was thrown open. Aziraphale stood in the entrance way, his face looking flushed and a wide smile on his face.

“Crowley! I’m so glad you could make it. Come in!”

He stepped back so that Crowley could walk in. The house was warm a cozy. Crowley took in the entrance way, and then the living room beyond. It felt like a home.

Aziraphale shut the door. “I would ask if I could take your jacket, but you don’t seem to have one for once.”

Crowley smirked. “Yeah, I figured I would dress light.”

“Well,” Aziraphale’s eyes moved down Crowley’s body, and Crowley had to suppress a shiver, “I don’t know if light is how I would describe you.”

“No, that’s more of your department,” Crowley said with a wink.

Aziraphale flushed. “Right, well, come along. My parents are in the kitchen. Dinner is nearly ready.”

He led him down the hall and into a dining room that was set for four. A man stood to the side beside a bar, pouring a drink. His hair was dark, and he was barrel chested, with a thick mustache. Crowley supposed he could see some of Aziraphale in him, in the shape of his eyes. He raised his eyebrows at them as they entered the room, taking Crowley in. Crowley slid his hands into his pockets and smiled. He told himself that he didn’t care what they thought, but truthfully, he did a little bit. Aziraphale’s father smiled.

“So, you must be the infamous Crowley we’ve heard about?”

The man stepped forward and held out his hand. Crowley took it and shook his hand firmly. “Yes sir, that’s me.”

“Please, call me Robert! No need for that sir business. I have to say, you’re not what I was expecting.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “No? What were you expecting?”

Robert waved his hand at Aziraphale. “Well, someone more like him. A bookworm.”

Crowley frowned. He didn’t like the tone he addressed Aziraphale in, sounding so dismissive. “Aziraphale is more than a bookworm. He has a lot of great qualities.”

“Oh, yes, of course he does! But you know what I mean.” He nudged Crowley and winked, as though they were in on a secret together.

Crowley narrowed his eyes and looked at Aziraphale. His eyes were downcast, and he looked embarrassed. Crowley was about to tell his father that he had no idea what he was talking about when the kitchen door opened, and a woman walked in. She looked much more like Aziraphale. Her hair was the same shade of white blonde and her eyes were the same blue, though they didn’t shine quite like Aziraphale’s. She smiled.

“Oh, hello! You must be Crowley. I’m Ellen.”

She held out her hand as well and Crowley shook it. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“Alright everyone, take your seat. The foods coming out now.”

Crowley sat opposite Aziraphale while Robert sat at the head of the table. Ellen brought out a roast pork with a side of mash and peas. She took her seat at the other head of the table. They bent their heads and began to pray. Crowley shifted in discomfort. He hadn’t been to a family dinner like this in, well, ever. And he certainly didn’t pray. They finished praying and began to pass the food around. Crowley met Aziraphale’s eye over the table and Aziraphale gave him a reassuring smile.

“So, Crowley, Aziraphale tells us you’re new in town,” Ellen said, “Where did you move here from?”

Crowley spooned peas onto his plate, trying to decide what to tell her. He couldn’t very well say he moved from the slums. “London.”

“Oh, really? What was your reason for moving?”

“Um, my mum got transferred.” He had expected questions, but he hadn’t assumed they would dive right into his personal life.

Robert laughed. “Did your dad not mind leaving his own job.”

Crowley focused on his plate. “My dad doesn’t live with us.”

An awkward silence settled over the table. “Oh,” Robert nodded. “Right. Well then, good for your mum.”

Thankfully this helped shift the conversation from his personal life.

“So,” Ellen smiled, “How did you two boys come to meet at school?”

Aziraphale laughed. “It was my fault actually. I ran right into him and dropped my book.”

“See, that’s what happens when your head is lost in the clouds,” Robert said as he took a bite of pork.

Crowley frowned. Aziraphale had gone back to staring at his plate. “I don’t see what’s wrong with that. If he hadn’t, we may have never met.”

Crowley didn’t think this was true. He felt deep within him that he would have found Aziraphale regardless of how they met. Aziraphale looked up at him and smiled.

“Hmm, I hope you don’t encourage this foolish behavior. Aziraphale needs to get out there more.”

“There’s nothing wrong with what he likes to do. People can’t all be the same. He likes to read; I would say that’s the opposite of foolish. There are far worse things he could be out there getting into.”

“That’s certainly true,” Ellen agreed.

They ate in silence for several minutes. Every few seconds Crowley and Aziraphale would look up across the table and meet each other’s eyes. Crowley smiled.

“So, Crowley, are you into any sports?” Robert asked.

“Um, I watch football occasionally. I don’t play though.”

“Well that’s alright, as long as you’re interested in it. I’ve been trying to get him into it for years, but I’ve had no luck. Maybe you can give it a try.”

Crowley found he was gripping his fork very tightly. He tried to keep his voice calm. “He doesn’t have to like anything he doesn’t want to. I would never push him into anything he doesn’t want to do.”

“Well, you seem like a kind young man,” Ellen smiled. “It’s very nice of you to be spending so much time with Zira.”

Crowley’s temper was rising, but he luckily had a lot of practice keeping it under control. “Nice? How is it nice? I’m not spending time with him as a favor, I like him.” He made eye contact with Aziraphale. “He’s one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, and the smartest as well. Someone would have to be crazy to not like him.”

Aziraphale looked a bit dizzy as he said this. “Thank you, Crowley.”

“It’s true,” he insisted.

Robert chuckled. “I’m glad Zira finally has a real friend, then. We were getting worried.”

Crowley broke eye contact with Aziraphale and began to eat again.

“So, Crowley, I bet you’re a real lady’s man.”

Crowley stopped with his fork halfway to his mouth. He looked up at Robert. “What?”

“I mean look at you! You’re clearly a popular young lad. I bet you’ve had lots of girlfriends.”

Crowley looked over at Aziraphale, who was pushing peas around on his plate with a dejected expression. Crowley swallowed.

“Oh, uh, no. Not really. I’m not really interested in girls right now.”

“Ah, keeping up with your studies, huh? That’s smart, so long as that isn’t the only thing you think about. I’ve been trying to get Aziraphale to ask out a nice girl for a while. He needs to just put himself out there or he’ll end up alone.”

Crowley looked in bewilderment from Robert to Aziraphale, who had gone quite pink. Did his parents not know? “Um, I think he’ll be fine.”

“But I want my son to be more than fine. You should help him out! Give him some pointers on how to get girls. God knows he won’t listen to me.”

Crowley stared at Aziraphale, who looked like he wanted to run out of the room. A sudden surge of protectiveness and bravery swept through Crowley. He straightened up and looked at Robert.

“I’m gay, actually.”

Robert and Ellen’s eyes went wide. Crowley swallowed and looked to Aziraphale. He was staring at him with his mouth hanging open, looking just as shocked as his parents. They were silent for several moments, then Robert cleared his throat.

“Oh, well, right. That’s fine then. There’s, um, nothing wrong with that.”

“No, nothing at all!” Ellen rushed in. “I have a cousin, in fact, who is, um… gay. Maybe you know him? His name is Steven.”

Crowley zoned them out and focused on Aziraphale. He was still looking shocked, though he had lowered his eyes and seemed to be deep in thought. Crowley wanted to reach out to him, to make sure he hadn’t overstepped a boundary. But when Aziraphale looked back at him, he smiled. It was warm and reassuring and filled Crowley’s chest with that same warm light.

After dinner Aziraphale offered to walked Crowley to his car. Crowley breathed in deeply once they were outside. He had felt confined in the house. He breathed out and saw his breath rise like a mist. He smiled. He loved this time of year. Aziraphale walked silently beside him to the car. Crowley wasn’t sure what to say to him, but Aziraphale spoke first.

“I’m sorry for them. I know they can be a lot.”

“No, it’s fine. Well, not fine. I don’t like how your dad treats you.”

Aziraphale shrugged. “I’ve gotten used to it. I appreciate you sticking up for me though.”

Crowley pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. Aziraphale stared at him in the flash of fire from his lighter. Crowley inhaled and then released it. “It’s no problem. I just couldn’t take him saying those ridiculous things about you. Like you have to change something, when you absolutely don’t.”

Aziraphale nodded. “So, you meant it?”

“Meant what?”

“That you’re, well, gay.”

Crowley took another drag and looked away. He reached up and pulled out his bun, shaking his head so that his hair could fall around his shoulders. He heard Aziraphale gasp quietly and looked back to him. “Yeah, I am.”

Aziraphale pressed his lips together, then cleared his throat. “Well, you should know then… So am I.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. He had, of course, known this. But this seemed to be the first time Aziraphale had said it out loud. So, he nodded. “That’s good to know.”

“Yes, indeed.” Aziraphale smiled. “It’s good to know we at least have one thing in common.”

Crowley laughed. “There only needs to be one thing really.”

As he stared at Aziraphale then, Crowley had the sudden urge to reach out and touch his face. To cradle his cheek against his hand and feel the pressure of Aziraphale leaning into him. To step closer and feel Aziraphale’s body against his as he looked into his eyes. Maybe brush his lips against Aziraphale’s gently as they leaned together. Instead, he took a step back and towards the car.

“Right, I’ll see you at school.”

Aziraphale blinked, as though broken from a spell. “Oh, yes. You will.”

Crowley opened the car door and glanced back at him. “See you later.”

“Yes, goodnight Crowley.”

Crowley smiled, the cigarette hanging from his lips. “Goodnight, Aziraphale.”

He sped off into the night, cursing his cowardice. Well, it was out there now. Aziraphale knew. But that didn’t change anything. He still wasn’t Aziraphale’s type. Even if he was, he wasn’t good enough for Aziraphale. Aziraphale deserved someone soft and safe, someone who could give him all the things he wanted in life. Even though he didn’t believe her, his mothers words rang in his head.

_“You’re broken, and that’s why you destroy everything and everyone you get close to.”_

Crowley took a deep breath. “No. I promise I won’t do that to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're really getting into this now!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I know, this is my third chapter in one day. What can I say, I write extremely fast and I have zero self control!

Aziraphale stood in front of his mirror and adjusted his costume. He felt a bit silly, but Anathema had asked him to dress up and so he had. He had put a lot of thought into it, trying to think of the perfect costume to make Crowley laugh. It had been two weeks since his dinner with his parents. Two weeks since he had come out to him. Nothing had changed, really. They still hung out everyday at school and after. Sometimes Anathema and Newt would tag along. Aziraphale smiled to himself. It had only been a couple months, but ever since he had met Crowley, his life had gotten significantly better. He now had friends who invited him to places and people to sit with during lunch. And, most importantly, he had Crowley.

Crowley was everything he had ever wanted in a friend. He was considerate and kind. He listened to Aziraphale’s problems, even when it was something small. He never judged Aziraphale. He was incredibly hansom. Aziraphale sighed and closed his eyes. Ever since Crowley had come out to him, he had felt that feeling of hope grow stronger. He was doing everything he could to push it back down though. Because just because Crowley liked men, it didn’t mean he liked him. Crowley would probably go for someone tall and hansom and interesting, just like he was. Not soft, nerdy Aziraphale. Aziraphale turned to a knock at his door.

His dad stood in the doorway, looking him up and down. “Son, aren’t you a little old to be dressing up?”

Aziraphale shifted. “It’s a costume party, dad. Everyone will be. Even Crowley, and he should be here to pick me up any minute.”

His dad nodded. “So, um, you and Crowley?”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “Yes?”

“Are you two, like, together?”

Aziraphale’s mouth fell open. “What? No! No, absolutely not! We’re only friends.”

“Ok, ok, sorry.” His dad held up his hands. “I just wanted to know. He seemed… protective of you. And the way he kept looking at you…”

Aziraphale blushed bright red. “No! We aren’t. Please don’t ever say anything like that in front of him.”

His dad shrugged, looking everywhere but at Aziraphale. His phone vibrated on the desk and he picked it up.

_C:_ Here

“He’s here, I have to go.”

Aziraphale pushed past his dad and ran down the stairs. He shouted a goodbye to his mother before running out the front door. He ran across the lawn and jumped into the passenger side. As he settled in, he turned to look at Crowley. Crowley was staring at him with raised eyebrows, taking in his costume. Aziraphale did the same, and a moment later they both burst into laughter. Crowley threw his head back and Aziraphale bent over in a fit of giggles.

“Honestly,” Crowley said through deep breaths, nobody is going to believe we didn’t plan this.

Aziraphale smiled at Crowley, who was dresses as an angel, and then looked down at his own demon costume. “No, I don’t think they will.”

Crowley wiped his eyes and shook his head, turning to seemingly take Aziraphale in fully for the first time. “You look good though. Who knew red was you color?”

Aziraphale adjusted his horns and gave him most devilish smirk. “I guess I just have a bit of a demon in me after all.”

Crowley raised his eyebrows, and Aziraphale saw him swallow. Well, that was interesting. He looked down then, letting himself really see Crowley for the first time. What he saw made his pulse quicken. Crowley always wore long sleeves, and Aziraphale realized he had never seen his arms. But now, Crowley was wearing a white toga style gown, and he was exposed all the way to his shoulders. And every inch of skin was covered in tattoos. Aziraphale leaned forward, immediately interested.

“Wow. I didn’t know you had so many tattoos.”

Crowley shrugged. “Oh, yeah. Do you not like them?”

Aziraphale looked back up at Crowley’s eyes. “Not like them? My dear, their exquisite! This artwork was clearly done by someone very talented. And it is, art I mean. It’s just as beautiful as the rest of you.”

Crowley inhaled sharply, but Aziraphale didn’t notice. He was too busy studying his arms. The arm closest to him depicted a scene of an angel falling from the sky, its wings burning to black as the divinity left them. There were a number of other figures, demons and angels and what looked like a hellhound and kraken. These took up the whole bicep. Aziraphale’s eyes scanned down to his forearm, to what depicted a snake wrapping itself around an apple in a thorn bush.

“I didn’t realize you were so into religious imagery.”

Crowley frowned, looking a little uncomfortable. “Um, I’m not. I just thought it would look cool.”

“Well, it does. Look cool, that is.”

He met Crowley’s eyes and Crowley smiled. “Thanks, angel.”

Aziraphale straightened up. “Right. Well, let’s get going. We don’t want to keep them waiting.”

They drove in silence to Anathemas house, with just the gentle voice of Freddie Mercury coming from the radio. The pulled up in front of Anathema’s house just after eight. Aziraphale straightened his costume once more as they approached her door.

“Angel calm down. You look great.”

“Thank you, dear. I just haven’t dressed up since I was a child, and even then, in nothing so outlandish.”

Crowley rolled his eyes and knocked on the door. A moment later Anathema answered. Aziraphale had been able to easily guess what she would be. She wore a typical witch costume, with a pointed hat and flowing purple dress. She beamed at them.

“Aww, you two look great! Come in, everyone else is already here.”

“Everyone else” turned out to just be Newt, dressed as a wizard, Becky Thomlin from student council, and Becky’s boyfriend Eric. Becky was dressed as a cat and Eric as a dog.

“Aww!” Becky cooed. “Everyone dressed in couples costumes!”

Aziraphale felt himself flush bright red. Crowley cleared his throat. “Oh, uh, no. This was actually on accident.”

Becky raised her eyebrows as though she didn’t believe them.

“Ok, sit down everyone! I have the scary movies all set up. And don’t forget your bowls of popcorn!”

Aziraphale looked around. Anathema and Newt sat on one part of sectional, with Becky and Eric taking up the other part. The only other place to sit was a rather small looking love seat. Aziraphale chewed his lip, but before he could say anything Crowley nudged his shoulder.

“Come on.” Crowley flopped down on the love seat, and so Aziraphale sat beside him. He told himself it was just like at the coffee shop. But at the coffee shop they were in public. There were people all around them and there were lights. But in Anathema’s dark living room, with only a few people, it felt different. The only other people in the room were couples. And now, Crowley’s leg pressed against his felt electric. As the movie began to play, Aziraphale sat stiff as a board. But as time went on, he sunk back. He was vaguely aware of Crowley’s arm over the back of the couch, barely grazing his shoulder. But that was just how Crowley always sat.

As the movie went on, Aziraphale remembered why he didn’t watch horror movies. He kept his hands firmly over his eyes, just peaking through his fingers. Every gory scene had Aziraphale gasping. As the movie came to its conclusion, Aziraphale lowered his hands with a sigh. Unfortunately, there was still one more jump scene that he hadn’t anticipated. As the horror monster jumped onto the screen, Aziraphale let out a little shriek and grasped at the closest thing to him. He looked down and saw that his hand was gripping Crowley’s. He knew he should let go. But as he looked up at Crowley, he saw that he was looking at him with an amused smile. Crowley turned his hand over and intertwined their fingers, then leaned over to whisper in his ear.

“Don’t be afraid, angel. I’ll protect you.”

Aziraphale stared at the television, but he wasn’t actually paying attention. Instead, he was focusing very hard on keeping his breathing normal and not passing out. Crowley’s hand was warm and dry, all long fingers and sharp lines. Crowley squeezed gently and Aziraphale swallowed. He was sure that Crowley was still staring at him, but he didn’t want to look back.

When the movie came to an end and Anathema stood up, Aziraphale released his hand immediately. Anathema turned off the tv and turned to face everyone.

“Alright everyone, now, I thought it might be fun to play some spooky Halloween games.”

Crowley frowned. “Halloween games?”

“Yes! Let’s play Ghouls in the dark.”

“What on Earth is Ghouls in the dark?” Becky asked.

“Well, it’s just hide and seek in the dark.” Anathema shrugged.

Crowley gave her a dubious look. “Aren’t we all a bit old to be playing hide and seek?”

Anathema placed her hands on her hips and gave Crowley a serious look. In the end, they all agreed to play. Newt was up first, much to his dismay. He was afraid of the dark, it turned out. Aziraphale hid in the space between the couch and the wall. He was sure Newt almost found him a few times, but each time he walked past he would stumble in the other direction. After a while he found Anathema, and Aziraphale was fairly sure she had let him find her on purpose.

“Ok, everyone, go hide again!” She pressed her hands to her eyes and turned to the wall. “Ten, nine…”

Aziraphale ran down the hall trying to find a place to hide. Newt had already hid himself behind the bathroom door, so that was out. Aziraphale moved further down the hall, when he felt a hand on his arm, and he was pulled sideways into a closet.

“What-“

Crowley laughed. “Shh, she’ll find us!”

He closed the door and they both listened for the sound of her voice. But as they listened, Aziraphale was painfully aware of how close Crowley was. Their chests were pressed against each other, and Crowley’s breath was hot on his forehead. Aziraphale’s breath caught in his throat as he looked up at Crowley. Even though it was dark, he was certain Crowley was staring back at him. Aziraphale shifted and he found that his knee was between Crowley’s legs, pressed almost completely against him.

His voice came out in a raspy whisper that didn’t sound like his voice. “Crowley…”

“Shh.” The feeling of Crowley’s fingers on his lips hushed him immediately. This time, it didn’t sound like he was hushing him for the game. His eyes were wide as he searched in the dark for Crowley’s eyes. He could just barely make out the golden flecks. Crowley’s fingers moved, sliding slowly from his lips to his cheek. Aziraphale closed his eyes and leaned into it. He felt Crowley huff out a breath, the smell of him encompassing Aziraphale. Crowley’s hand rested on cupping his jaw. Without letting himself think too much, Aziraphale lifted his own hand and rest it on Crowley’s chest. He could feel Crowley’s heartbeat, and it was pounding just as fast as Aziraphale’s. Aziraphale swallowed.

Was Crowley doing this because he really wanted to, or was this just another part of a game? Aziraphale knew people kissed each other all the time at parties, people they didn’t even care about, just because it was fun. Was that what this was? He didn’t want to think so. He felt a nose brush his own and his eyes fluttered open. Crowley’s face was right against his, only centimeters between them.

“Aziraphale.”

The sound of his name on Crowley’s lips, said like that, sent a shiver down Aziraphale’s spine. He spoke it right into his mouth, which sat partially open as he tried to breath. Crowley leaned barely closer, and as he did, their lips brushed against each other. It was gentle, like a brush against canvas. It was the softest and most tender kiss Aziraphale could imagine, so delicate it almost wasn’t there.

The closest door flew open. “Got you!”

Aziraphale and Crowley flew apart, their eyes wide and their backs suddenly pressed against the walls. Anathema’s jaw fell open. “Oh, shit shit shit! Crap, sorry!”

She slammed the door shut and they were once again thrown into darkness. Aziraphale’s breathing was ragged. He suddenly felt quite awkward, his body still partially against Crowley’s. The silence stretched out between them and Aziraphale felt panic overcome him. What was he doing? He was going to ruin the one friendship he had. Unable to find words, he slid past Crowley and pushed open the closet door. The hallway was much cooler, and he took several deep breaths. It was ok. This was ok. He could fix this.

Not too much later, Crowley drove him home. They had only staid at the party for a half hour more, both sitting on opposite ends of the sectional. There was a tense air around them now in the car. Aziraphale searched his brain. He had to make this better. He needed to let Crowley know he didn’t expect anything. As they pulled up in front of Aziraphale’s house, Crowley cleared his throat.

“Aziraphale-“

“No, Crowley, it’s fine. Really. I get it, that’s what people do at parties. We were just having fun. It doesn’t have to mean anything. I’d like it if we could just go back to being friends, like it was before.”

Crowley stared at him; his face unreadable. “Ok, if that’s what you want.”

Aziraphale nodded. “Yes, of course. You’re my best friend, Crowley.”

Crowley’s voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper. “And you’re mine.”

Aziraphale forced a smile. “Good. I’m glad. I’ll text you, ok?”

Crowley nodded, not saying anything more. Aziraphale climbed out of the car quickly and rushed to his front door. He left Crowley to stare after him, his heart feeling like a chunk of lead. After Aziraphale had gone inside, Crowley leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Crap. He had gone too fast for his angel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeee I'm sorry guys. But what more could you expect from "You go too fast for me" Aziraphale, who said it after 6000 years. I promise I won't make these two wait quite that long! But hey, at least they're making progress! Please let me know what you think! Your comments are literally typing fuel, keeping me going and pushing my erratic brain to type 7000 words per day.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so deep in this fic I've begun to dream I'm in high school again. I haven't been in high school for more than eight years! But anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter. There might be another chapter up tonight. If not, then definitely tomorrow. I work Monday- Wednesday, so I will likely only post one chapter per day on those days, maybe every other day depending on how tired I am. I appreciate all of your concern for my health, lol, but I assure you I'm fine. This isn't work to me, this is fun.

After the Halloween party, things had settled back into their normal state. Or at least, Crowley had tried to pretend that things were normal. They never mentioned what had happened in that closet, because he was very sure that Aziraphale wanted to forget it completely. Unfortunately for Crowley, forgetting that it had happened was completely impossible.

While he never said anything about it out loud, the memory never left him. The way Aziraphale had pressed against him, the feeling of his hand on his chest, the way his lips had brushed against his. He thought of it while driving in his car, while taking a shower, while sitting in class, while looking at Aziraphale. It was like his own personal torture.

Because while the memory was lovely and beautiful, the idea that Aziraphale never wanted to do it again burned his chest in a way that he had never experienced before. He had come to the conclusion that Aziraphale didn’t feel the same way about him as he did. This didn’t stop a little voice in the back of his head from whispering the opposite.

_He leaned into it. He touched you back. He didn’t pull away from the kiss. Maybe he’s just afraid. _

Either way, it didn’t change anything for Crowley. He still hung out with Aziraphale every day. He still went to the coffee shop with him and ate lunch with him and texted him and laughed with him. Just because Aziraphale didn’t want him in that way, it in no way effected how he felt about him. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, cut Aziraphale out just because being near him caused him physical pain. Because doing that would hurt Aziraphale, and that was unacceptable. He would tolerate the pain of loving someone who didn’t love him back if it made Aziraphale happy.

And so, currently, he was sprawled across Aziraphale’s bed, tossing a ball into the air and catching it while Aziraphale sat a few feet away in his cushioned chair and read a book. Classical music played softly from the record player on his desk. Crowley was doing his best at keeping the conversation light.

“So, do you have any plans this weekend?”

Aziraphale glanced up from his book. “Oh, not much. My parents and I are going out to dinner on Saturday to celebrate my birthday.”

Crowley shot straight up, staring at him with wide eyes. “What? When’s your birthday?”

Aziraphale gave him an innocent look. “It’s in two days.”

“What?” Crowley cried. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He shifted slightly in his chair. “I didn’t see the need. I don’t want a party or anything. Every year I do the same thing, just a simple dinner with my parents.”

Crowley swung his legs over the side of the bed. “Yeah, but that was before you met me.”

“Crowley, really, I don’t want to do anything. I’ve had quite enough of parties for a while and I don’t like when people make a fuss over me.”

Crowley made a face. “It doesn’t have to be a fuss. We could do something with just the two of us. Very lowkey.”

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”

Crowley dropped back onto the bed. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll think of something.”

“Crowley.” Aziraphale said his name like a warning.

Crowley just chuckled. “Don’t get all serious with me, angel. I promise it won’t be anything crazy. But you deserve to do something fun on your birthday, and I’m the king of fun.”

Aziraphale still looked skeptical, but he didn’t say anything more on the matter.

Later that evening Crowley drove himself home, his thoughts on what he was going to do for Aziraphale. He had a few ideas bouncing around. He would need to take the night to consider all of his options. He pulled up in front of his house and cut the engine. As he climbed out, his mind was so focused on Aziraphale that he didn’t see the two figures standing to the side of his house. But he was nothing if not diligent, so as soon as his foot hit the sidewalk, he sensed them. He spun to face them, his face immediately transforming into a furious sneer.

“Hey there Crowley. We wondered when you would be coming back.”

The two figures slinked from the shadows, and Crowley was able to see them more clearly. Hastur and Ligur walked towards him, their hands in their pockets and nasty smiles on their mouths. Crowley balled his hands into fists.

“What do you want?”

“Woah, woah, what’s with the hostility?” Hastur asked in mock confusion. “We just wanted to check in on you.”

Crowley narrowed his eyes. “How sweet. Well as you can see, I’m fine. Now please, fuck off.”

He tried to walk past them to his house, but they stepped in front of him.

“Hey, slow down.” Ligur smiled. “Let’s talk.”

“I have nothing to talk about. I want you to leave me alone.”

Hastur shook his head. “Tsk Tsk, sorry, Crowley, can’t do that. You were one of the best at what you did, and we and the others want you to come back and help out again.”

Crowley gritted his teeth. “No. I’m out. I have been for awhile and I’m not going back. You all know that. As far as I could tell, I made myself very clear on that matter. I’m living a normal life now. So please, kindly fuck off.”

He began to walk around them again, but Hastur’s voice stopped him. “A normal life with that blond?”

Crowley’s blood ran cold. They had been watching him. He should have guessed it, but he had been hopeful that they would leave him be. He stood very still as Ligur continued.

“He looks real sweet. Like a dweeby little librarian. All soft and chubby. I doubt he even knows how to protect himself. I didn’t imagine he would be your type.”

Crowley was shaking, every nerve alight in his body. His mind was racing with a thousand thoughts. They knew about Aziraphale. They knew he was spending time with him. They were threatening him. Crowley felt like a wildfire was burning inside him.

Hastur snorted. “Yeah, there were always rumors about you, but we never actually believed them. Thought for sure with your reputation you were into pussy. Guess we were wrong though. Guess you really are just a little fag.”

Crowley moved without really thinking about it. Hastur and Ligur had always relied on power in numbers, and so had never learned to really defend themselves. Crowley had always been alone. His fist collided with Ligur’s face and sent sprawling on the floor. Crowley’s foot connected with his stomach, but before he could kick him again, Hastur grabbed him from behind. Crowley was able to spin out of his grasp easily and pinned him to the car. His gun was currently sitting under his steering wheel, out of reach, but he didn’t need it. He pulled the switch blade out of Hastur’s pocket and flicked it open, pressing it to his throat. Hastur stilled, his face in a grimace. Crowley leaned in close, his teeth bared and his eyes full of fire.

“You listen to me you little piece of shit. You’re going to go away and leave me the fuck alone. You will tell Bee on no uncertain terms that I’m out and will remain that way. I will not be bothered again. Do you understand?”

Hastur glared, and when he didn’t respond, Crowley have him a shake. “Answer me!”

“Yes,” Hastur spat.

Crowley leaned in even closer and pressed the knife to his skin, a thin red line appearing beneath it. “And if you ever, and I mean ever, even mention him again, if you look at him, if you go near him, if you think about him, I will kill you. And I will make it look like an accident. Nobody will look too closely at a dead crackhead. And like you said, I’m the best at what I do.”

Hastur swallowed. He knew he wasn’t bluffing. The reputation Crowley had developed for himself since he was fourteen wasn’t entirely built on lies. Hastur had seen him do things back in the day that left him certain that Crowley would not hesitate to act if he felt threatened. And apparently, if the blond was threatened.

Hastur nodded. “Fine, I get it.”

Crowley glared at him for one more minute, and then stepped back. He threw Hastur to the side, where Ligur was still struggling to his feet. Hastur pulled up his friend, and with one more glare, took off down the street to where a car was parked. Crowley watched them climb in and drive off. He let out a breath, his adrenaline slowing. He immediately began to feel tired. Of course, they weren’t just going to let him go. He would be foolish to think they would. They had the ability to go to war with him if they chose too. Crowley let out a breath and leaned against his car. He only knew one thing for certain. If they went after Aziraphale, he would burn them to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley is a bit more tough in this world than canon, but i figured it makes sense given the world he grew up in. It doesn't stop him from being soft for Aziraphale. In this household we like multifaceted characters. Your comments are fucking awesome, so feel free to let me know what you think! Thanks!


	13. Chapter 13

Aziraphale stared out the window as they drove. They had been driving for nearly an hour now and had moved beyond the city and were in the countryside now. Green grass spread as far as Aziraphale could see.

“We have to make sure to be back by six. I can’t be late to dinner with my parents.”

Crowley smirked from the driver seat. “It’s not even noon angel. Stop worrying about it. It’s your birthday, this is supposed to be about you.”

Aziraphale sighed but smiled. “Yes, I know. I just wish you would tell me what we were doing out here.”

“That would ruin the surprise.”

“You aren’t bringing me out here to kill me, are you?”

Crowley snorted. “If I were going to kill you, I wouldn’t do such a messy job.”

Aziraphale stared at him. He said it like a joke, but the statement was still very odd. Crowley seemed to feel his eyes on him.

“I’m joking, obviously. I would never hurt you.”

Aziraphale tilted his head. “But you have hurt people before?”

Crowley frowned and remained looking forward. “That’s not something I want to talk about, Aziraphale.”

Aziraphale looked away. He would be lying if he said he didn’t wonder about Crowley’s personal life. About what he had done before they met. He often worried that Crowley was in some sort of trouble. But Crowley never seemed worried.

“Crowley, you know that if you ever needed help with something, I would be there for you.”

Crowley glanced at him. “Help with what?”

“I don’t know, if you needed someplace to stay. Or if you just needed someone to have your back. I would help you any way I could.”

Crowley looked at him over the tops of his glasses and smiled. “Thanks, angel. I appreciate it.”

Aziraphale smiled warmly. “I mean it. You mean a great deal to me Crowley. If something ever happened to you, I don’t know what I would do. I know I’m not strong or intimidating like you, but I would do whatever I had to.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “You think I’m intimidating?”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Crowley, you introduced yourself to me by slamming someone against a locker.”

He let out a laugh. “I like to be memorable.”

“Well, you certainly accomplished that my dear. I don’t think I could forget you if I tried.”

They fell silent after that. About ten minutes later Crowley pulled off the main road and onto a small dirt one. Aziraphale had to stop himself for asking where they were going. He was sure he would find out soon. Fifteen minutes later they came to a stop and Crowley cut the engine. He got out and Aziraphale rushed to follow him. He looked around. They were surrounded by rolling hill, and the smell of the sea was in the air. But there were no buildings or identifying markers for Aziraphale to understand what they were doing out there.

Crowley went around to the boot and opened it. A moment later he stepped up to Aziraphale with a wicker basket and blanket.

Aziraphale immediately perked up. “A picnic?”

“Yep,” Crowley nodded. “You said you wanted something lowkey, so I figured this was the most lowkey thing I could think of.”

Aziraphale positively wiggled. He loved picnics, and it was such a lovely day. He hadn’t been on one since he was young, maybe nine, with his mother. But now with Crowley, this truly felt special. He followed Crowley as they walked up one of the nearby hills. He didn’t have time to catch his breath when they reached the top, because his mouth fell open and he gasped. They were standing at the edge of a cliff overlooking the sea. It was breathtaking. Aziraphale breathed in deeply, taking in the magnificence around him. When he finally looked back to Crowley, he saw that he was watching him. When Crowley spoke, his voice was low.

“Do you like it?”

Aziraphale felt a warmth fill his chest. This had been happening a lot around Crowley lately. “Oh, yes my dear. I love it. It’s incredible. You didn’t have to do all of this for me.”

“Of course I didn’t have to. But I wanted to. It’s what you deserve.”

They stared at each other for several moments, only the sound of the sea between them. Crowley broke eye contact first. He turned and laid out the blanket and began to set out the food. Aziraphale sat down on the blanket and watched. There were sandwiches from the deli that Aziraphale liked, his favorite types of crisps, several types of fruits, small containers of pasta from an upscale restaurant Aziraphale had never been to, and last but not least, cake.

Aziraphale’s eyes were wide as he took it all in. “My dear, you didn’t need to get quite this much.”

Crowley shrugged. “I wanted to cover all my bases.”

He passed Aziraphale a sandwich and some crisps. They ate in a peaceful silence, both looking out at the sea. After a while, Aziraphale broke the silence.

“How did you find out about this place?”

Crowley chewed his food slowly. “I came here a long time ago with my mother.”

Aziraphale watched him. “You don’t talk about your family much.”

Crowley tried to look nonchalant as he chose a berry and popped it into his mouth. “There’s not much to tell.”

“Even so, I would love to know more about you. Put us on an even playing field and all.”

Crowley smiled. “I didn’t realize we were playing a game.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

Crowley fell silent, and Aziraphale assumed he wasn’t going to say anything more. But after a second, “It’s not all very happy.”

Aziraphale had figured as much. “If you don’t want to tell me, I understand.”

Crowley sighed and laid back on the blanket. “My mum had me when she was twenty-two. She was still in college, but she dropped out to take care of me. My dad promised her he would take care of us. That only lasted until I was four. He packed up his stuff one day and just left. Mum had to get two jobs to pay the bills. I guess I just didn’t notice when I was young, I thought we were ok. But she was slipping. Slipping deeper in alcoholism and likely depression. She hid it from me for a while. But when I was eight, I think she just stopped caring. She started bringing men home. She started getting drunk every night. She’s fine when she’s sober. Fun, sometimes. But when she drinks… she becomes a monster. She used to frighten me. I would lock my door at seven o’clock every night. That was around the time when she would pass the threshold of holding it together and becoming the monster I feared.

“The men she would bring home were ok sometimes. Sometimes not. They would hit her. Sometimes they would hit me. I got pretty good at hiding. There was this one boyfriend she had, Doug. He was the worst one. I was twelve, and I tried to get between him and my mom. He held me down and cut into my chest. He told me if I wanted to be her angel so bad, he would make me into one. He cut into my back. ‘Right where your wings would be’, he said. He was crazy. At least after that she had the sense to throw him out. She never called the cops though. She was too doped up, worried she would get busted for it.”

Aziraphale realized he was holding his breath as he listened. Part of him didn’t want to hear it. The horrors of Crowley’s life were a lot. But he needed to. He needed to understand him. He swallowed.

“May I see your back?”

Crowley looked at him sharply, his eyebrows knitted together. Aziraphale realized that was probably horribly insensitive. “I’m sorry, no, that’s-“

But Crowley had rolled onto his stomach and lifted his shirt. Aziraphale’s breath caught in his throat. He leaned forward to see him better. Just between his shoulder blades, on both sides, were two jagged scars. They were both about six inches long and had faded with time. And on either side of them, tattooed into his skins, were two black wings. They took up most of his back. The detail in them was exquisite, each feather detailed and textured. Without thinking, Aziraphale lifted his hand and ran his finger down one of the scars. Crowley’s whole body shivered, and he closed his eyes. Aziraphale made to remove his hand.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“No,” Crowley said in barely a whisper, “It’s ok. It… feels good actually.”

Aziraphale swallowed and licked his lips, then placed his fingers back on the scars. He could barely feel them, they were so faded. Crowley sighed and continued speaking.

“I learned quickly that I was going to have to know how to defend myself. We didn’t live in a great area, and I was a small kid. I started hanging around a gang. They told me they would be my family, and that was what I was looking for at that time. They taught me how to fight, among other things. I started to get into more violent activity. I got reputation pretty quickly. People would whisper on the streets when they saw me. Everyone knew to stay away from me, and that was how I liked it. By the time I was fifteen, nobody dared pick on me anymore. But the more I did, the more I saw, the more I hated it. I didn’t like being violent. I didn’t like what they started making me do. I didn’t want to be a monster.

Just before we moved here, I decided I wanted out. I told them, and the heads of the gang didn’t like that. I was useful to them. They sent five guys to let me know just how displeased they were with me. I ended up in the hospital, but so did all five of them. When I got out, I went straight to the “boss”. Her names Bee. I told her that if she tried that shit again, I would bring her whole organization down. It was easier for her to just let me go. But my mom and I had to move. Like I said, when she’s drunk, she’s horrible. But she didn’t want me dead. So, we moved here.”

As he had talked, Aziraphale had run his fingers slowly over each feather on his back. “And you’re out now? From that gang?”

Crowley was silent for a moment, but then he nodded. “Yeah, I’m out.”

They were silent for a long time, just Aziraphale slowly stroking his back in as comforting a way as he could manage, and Crowley breathing slowly with his eyes closed.

“I’m sorry you had to go through all that.”

Crowley shrugged. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not!” Aziraphale hadn’t meant to raise his voice, but he was suddenly very angry. Crowley opened her eyes and stared at him. “It’s not fine at all! You never should have had to go through any of that! You’re a wonderful person and you deserve to have a life filled with love and kindness and peace! You went through all that, and yet you are still one of the kindest people I have ever met. I don’t even know how you’re real. You are magnificent in every way. You deserve to have the rest of your life be exactly as you wish it.”

Crowley rested his chin on his arm and stared him. “People don’t always get what they deserve.”

Aziraphale reached forward and pulled Crowley up by his arms so that he was sitting cross legged in front of him. “Crowley listen to me. I don’t know how much I can do, but for as long as you’ll let me, I’ll do whatever I can to make your life happy.”

Crowley’s face had gone very soft. “Aziraphale, you already do that just by existing. I’ve never had a friend like you before. I’ve never cared about someone as much as I care about you. As long as you’re around, I’ll be happy.”

Aziraphale smiled and let out a sigh. “Well then, I guess I’ll be around forever then.”

Crowley smiled and stared into his eyes. Aziraphale wanted to reach out and touch him again. Screw boundaries. But then Crowley’s eyes lit up. “Oh, I almost forgot!”

He pulled the picnic basket closer and pulled out a wrapped package. “I got you a present.”

“Crowley, you didn’t have to-“

“Yes, yes, I know I didn’t have to. But I did. So just take it.”

Aziraphale narrowed his eyes but took it. It was slim and square, a book of some sort.

“I didn’t know what to get you, so I just made something.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows as Crowley laid back down and tucked his hands behind his head, staring up at the clouds. Aziraphale tore off the paper and saw it was a leather-bound sketch book. Aziraphale frowned and was about to tell him he didn’t draw, when he opened it and saw the first page. It took his breath away. It was him, smiling up from the paper and clutching Jane Eyre. Aziraphale turned the page. The next picture was again of him. He was sitting at a lunch table, drinking milk from a straw. The next was a picture of him turned around in his desk, a pencil in his hand. The next was him sitting in the passenger seat of the Bentley. Him dancing at a party, Anathema clinging to him. Him sitting at the end of a sofa, a pencil and notepad in his hand as he worked on his homework. Him standing with his hands behind his back while dressed as a demon. A close up of his face, his eye wide and his lips parted. These were their memories.

Aziraphale looked up at Crowley. He was staring at the sky like it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen, not making eye contact. Aziraphale felt a tear at the edge of his eye as he smiled. He looked back at the book and ran his fingers over the page. He knew it then, what that feeling in his chest was. It was love. He was in love with Crowley. And maybe, just maybe, Crowley loved him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter. These boys are so soft. I hope you liked it!


	14. Chapter 14

Crowley shoved his hands into his pockets as he rushed up to the front of the school. December had finally come, and with it the frigid cold. He hated the it. When he was young, his mother had joked that he was cold blooded. He reached the front doors and shoved them open, walking into the warm embrace of the heated school. He made his way quickly to Aziraphale’s locker. They met there every morning. They didn’t really need to, as they would see each other at lunch and after school. But truthfully, Crowley liked starting out his day with seeing Aziraphale.

Aziraphale was standing outside his locker in a thick tartan sweater. Crowley smiled. He looked so warm, and the thought of snuggling under the sweater came unbidden to his mind. Crowley shook his head, forcing that thought out.

“Hey, Aziraphale.”

Aziraphale looked up and beamed. “Hello Crowley! Oh, dear, you really should wear something a little warmer.”

Crowley made a face. “And ruin my aesthetic? I don’t think so.”

Aziraphale gave him a sly smile. “You really are a dramatic gay, aren’t you?”

Crowley’s mouth fell open. They hadn’t mentioned his sexual orientation since he had first mentioned it and having Aziraphale address it in such a sassy manner was a shock to his system. He recovered after a moment.

“You’re one to talk! Mr. “I have standards”.”

“Well, I do! It’s just nice to know that you have a flare for the aesthetic as well.”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “I don’t think my sexual orientation has anything to do with how I dress.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “My dear, in hindsight I should have known from the beginning. No straight man moves his hips the way you do.”

Crowley leaned back against the lockers and smirked. “You’ve been watching the way I move my hips?”

Aziraphale flushed but nodded. “Everyone has.”

Crowley considered this. “And? What do people say?”

Aziraphale grinned. “Depends on who you ask, I suppose. Most of the girls think you’re, how did they put it, sexy as hell.”

“Well, they’re right about that.” Aziraphale had gone back to organizing his books. Crowley chewed his bottom lip. “What about you?”

“What about me?” he asked absently.

“What do you think about the way I look?”

Aziraphale looked up and blinked. “Oh. Well, I think you’re very hansom of course. How could I not?”

Crowley couldn’t help but smile at that. That was certainly good to know. At least Aziraphale didn’t find him unattractive.

“Hey guys!”

Crowley looked up at Anathema. “Hey Ana.”

“Crowley, get off my locker.” She shoved him off, not unkindly, and he moved himself to the other side of Aziraphale. “Are you two going?”

“Going where?” Aziraphale frowned.

Anathema frowned and pulled a flyer from her locker, handing it over. “The winter formal! You have to go; I’m helping plan it.”

Crowley made a face. “Oh no, I don’t do school dances.”

Anathema put her hands on her hips. “You have to! I’ve put a lot of work into it.”

Aziraphale shook his head. “I’ve never been to a school dance.”

Anathema raised her eyebrows. “Never? Why not?”

“Well, I don’t know. I never had anyone to go with and going alone always seemed a bit pathetic. But, as this will be the last winter formal I’ll have, maybe I’ll go.”

Anathema clapped her hands. “Yay! You can come with Newt and me!”

Aziraphale scrunched up his face. “I don’t fancy being a third wheel.”

“Seriously? If anything, Newt will be a third wheel to us.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “Perhaps.”

“Alright, well I have to go. Lots of planning to do. I’ll see you two around.”

She took off into the crowd once more. Crowley watched her go and then looked back to Aziraphale. He was staring at the flyer still, looking almost wistful. He slid it into one of his books with a sigh. Crowley took a deep breath before speaking.

“We could always go together.”

Aziraphale frowned. “What?”

“The formal. We could go to it together.”

Aziraphale blinked. “I thought you didn’t want to go.”

Crowley shrugged, trying to look like it didn’t matter to him. “No, but I can tell you do. And maybe if we went together it would actually be fun.”

Aziraphale’s cheeks had gone pink, and he was staring at him with wide eyes. Crowley cleared his throat. “I mean, we would go as friends, of course. It could just be a casual thing.”

Aziraphale smiled. “Yes, I would like that. I would like that very much.”

Crowley smiled back. “Good. It’s a date.”

Aziraphale blinked several times, his mouth falling open. But Crowley didn’t take it back. He didn’t want to. “Come on, let me walk you to your first class.”

“Oh, Crowley you don’t need to. I don’t want you to be late to your class.”

“Angel, I don’t think I’ll be expelled for being a few minutes late.”

Aziraphale pulled his backpack over his shoulder and they began to walk. “So, should we coordinate? Our looks for the formal, I mean.”

Crowley smiled. So, he hadn’t scared him away by calling it a date. That was a step in the right direction. “Sure. As long as I don’t have to wear tartan.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Tartan is stylish. But no, I won’t torture you. I was thinking we could wear complimenting colors.”

Crowley nodded. “Sure angel, whatever you want.”

“Well, if it isn’t the two queers of the school.”

Crowley and Aziraphale stopped and turned. Gabriel and his gang stood behind them, cruel sneers on all their faces. Aziraphale stiffened and began to turn pink, but Crowley just raised an eyebrow and smirked. When he was young, he had been bullied by far worse than Gabriel and his goons. And that was before he had learned to be a predator himself.

“Gabriel, why don’t you run back to the locker rooms and let your lap dogs finish jacking you off. Maybe that’ll loosen the stick that’s up your ass.”

There was a gasp from the students around them. Everyone had stopped and were watching now. Gabriel looked furious.

“You think you’re such tough shit. But I know what you are. You’re just a little fairy who hides behind a leather jacket and those gay ass sunglasses. When you two are alone do you get on your knees and suck him off? It’s pitiful really. You’re so pathetic that the only other queer you can get is this chubby little dweeb.”

A fire had lit inside Crowley again. Not for himself, he didn’t give a fuck what they said about him, but for Aziraphale. How dare he insult him. He glanced at Aziraphale and saw that he was positively shaking. Crowley ground his teeth and took a step forward, but before he could say a word, Aziraphale erupted.

“How dare you! You absolute monster! You would be lucky to ever find someone half as wonderful as Crowley! And even if Crowley did like men, which is none of your business, he would still be ten times the man you are! You pretend to be so high and mighty, like you’re some great sports star. But everyone knows the only reason you made it onto all the sports teams is because your mother is sleeping with the coach!”

Crowley’s jaw fell open as he stared down at Aziraphale. Aziraphale’s eyes were alight with a fire that looked like it could have created War itself. It was stunning. He had never heard him shout before, and apparently neither had anyone else. Gabriel looked absolutely gob smacked for a full moment before his face transformed into rage. He stepped forward, walking right for Aziraphale, but Crowley stepped in between them.

“Four thirty-five, West Pelman lane.” Gabriel stopped, his eyes going wide as he looked at Crowley.

“Are you threatening me?”

Crowley smiled. “No. I’m promising you. You say I’m pretending. That you don’t believe what I’d do. How much are you willing to bet on that.”

Crowley lifted the sleeve on his right arm, revealing a small tattoo just above the wrist. Gabriel’s face paled slightly.

“You’re one of those.”

Crowley continued to smile. “Oh, so you’ve heard of us? Well then, you know what we do to people who cause us problems. Or are you willing to bet your gang against mine? I suggest, you leave us alone from now on. Hmm?”

Gabriel looked at him like he wanted nothing more than to ring his neck right then and there. But as the bell rang, he looked away, back to his friends. He straightened his jacket and took a few steps back. “You better watch your back.”

Crowley tilted his head. “Oh darling, I always do.”

Gabriel sneered and turned, leading his gang away. Crowley let out a breath and turned back to Aziraphale.

“Crowley, what was that? What did you say?”

“Oh, that? I was just letting him know that I know where he lives, and that I’m not afraid of him.”

Aziraphale frowned. “How do you know where he lives?”

Crowley began to walk towards Aziraphale’s class, with Aziraphale rushing to keep up. “It’s important to know everything you can about your enemies.”

“Hmm, I see. You aren’t really going to do anything to him are you?”

Crowley shrugged. “That’s up to him.” He looked down at him. “Oh, and Aziraphale?”

“Hmm?”

“You should go ‘Avenging Angel’ more often. It’s incredibly hot.”

Aziraphale blushed all the way down to his neck, but smiled. “Oh, well, thank you dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Bamf Aziraphale in every rendition I've seen him. You can make fun of Aziraphale all you want, but don't mess with Crowley! I should have the next chapter up tomorrow. I love hearing from you, so let me know what you think in the comments! Woot Woot!


	15. Chapter 15

Aziraphale stood in front of his mirror and adjusted his bow tie for the eight time. He supposed this was as good as it was going to get. He wore a form fitted grey suit with a dark blue waist coat and bow tie over a grey button up shirt. Crowley had talked him into the colors. He thought they would both look good in blue and grey. There was a knock at his door, and he tuned to see his mother. She smiled and folded her hands in front of her, much like Aziraphale often did.

“You look lovely darling.”

Aziraphale smiled. His mother didn’t often offer compliments. “Thank you.”

She walked forward and smoothed out the fabric on his shoulders. “I’m glad you decided to go to this dance.”

Aziraphale nodded. “Well, Crowley invited me.”

His mothers observed him in the mirror. “So, is this a date?”

Aziraphale flushed, the memory of Crowley calling it a date on his mind. “No. He said it was as friends.”

“But you want it to be date?”

Aziraphale pressed his lips together. “How long have you known?”

“What? That you like men? Oh, ages. Your father knows as well, it’s just difficult for him talk about. I think that’s why he pretends to not know.”

He sighed. “I wish he wouldn’t. It makes everything so much more awkward.”

“I know honey. But you didn’t answer my initial question. Do you want this to be a date?”

Aziraphale walked and sat on the bed. “Yes, I suppose I do. But I messed things up. I told him that I only wanted to be friends. I was scared and I panicked, and I just didn’t want anything to change. But, now. Now I do want more. But that’s not fair to him.”

His mother placed her hand on his shoulder. “Honey, you need to talk to him.”

Aziraphale nodded. “I know.”

The doorbell rang then and Aziraphale leapt up. “That’ll be him.”

His mother gave him a reassuring smile and followed him out of his room. When he reached the stairs, he saw that his father had already answer the door. Crowley was leaning against the doorframe, an easy smile on his face. Aziraphale gasped when he laid eyes on him. Crowley was wearing the same colors, only reversed. He was in a dark blue suit that fitted every curve of his body, with a grey waist coast and dark blue undershirt. He wore a black tie, because of course Crowley couldn’t not wear at least one black item. He had pulled back the sides of his hair and his sunglasses rested on top of his head, his golden eyes in full view.

Aziraphale walked down the stairs towards him, and when Crowley saw him, he straightened up. Aziraphale couldn’t make sense of his expression. He almost looked… awestruck. Aziraphale smiled brightly at him.

“Hello, dear. You look absolutely dashing.”

Crowley cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “Er, thank you. You look, um, fantastic angel.”

Aziraphale felt his heart swell at the compliment. “Thank you. Are you ready to go?”

“Oh, wait!” his mother said, “Let me get some pictures of you two.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Mother, that’s not-“

“Come on, this is the first chance I’ve had to get a picture of you going to a dance.”

She pulled out a digital camera and pointed it at them. “Go ahead, get closer.”

Aziraphale glanced at Crowley. He looked uncomfortable at having his picture taken but shrugged and stepped closer to Aziraphale. His mother began snapping off photos. Aziraphale glanced up at Crowley as she continued. He had a gentle smile on his face, and when he felt Aziraphale’s eyes on him, he looked down. They smiled at each other, and then Crowley stepped closer and threw an arm around Aziraphale’s shoulder. Butterflies erupted in Aziraphale’s stomach. After several minutes, he stopped his mother.

“Alright, that’s quite enough. We need to go.”

Before his mother could stop him, he grabbed Crowley by the arm and dragged him from the house.

“See ya, Mr. and Mrs. Fell!” Crowley called behind them.

Aziraphale smiled. “Are you trying to kiss up to my parents?”

Crowley shrugged. “It couldn’t hurt.”

They reached the Bentley and Aziraphale reached for the door handle, but Crowley beat him to it. “After you, angel.”

Aziraphale’s stomach did a somersault at that. He slid into the passenger seat as Crowley shut the door behind him and rushed around the car to the driver’s side. Once he was in, he gave Aziraphale a wink.

“Are you ready?”

Aziraphale nodded, and they were off. The parking lot outside the gym was already packed with cars when they pulled up. Students in suits and dresses rushed through the parking lot to get out of the biting cold and into the warm gymnasium. Aziraphale swallowed and rubbed his hands on his pants.

“Are you nervous?”

Aziraphale glanced at Crowley, who was staring at him. “Perhaps a little. I’ve never been to one of these before.”

Crowley shrugged. “Me neither.”

Aziraphale nodded and reached for the door handle, but before he could, Crowley reached out and grabbed his hand. “Wait. I got you something.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “Oh?”

Crowley opened the glove compartment and pulled out a small box. Aziraphale frowned as Crowley set it in his hand. “What is it?”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “You have to open it to find out.”

Aziraphale lifted the lid and gasped. Inside, on a bed of red satin, lay a white rose boutonniere. Aziraphale ran a finger over one of the silky petals.

Crowley watched him closely. “Do you like? I wasn’t sure which flower to get, but I figured classic was the best way to go. And white would go well with your suit. The lady in the flower shop told me white roses meant purity and innocence, and that sounded like you.” Crowley was rambling now.

Aziraphale reached out and pressed his fingers to Crowley’s lips. He immediately stopped talking. “I love it Crowley. It’s beautiful.”

Crowley smiled from beneath his fingers. Aziraphale reached back to the flower to take it out of the box, but Crowley’s hand stopped him.

“May I? Put it on you?”

Aziraphale beamed and nodded. Crowley picked up to boutonniere with careful fingers and situated where it would look best, then pinned it on. His hands remained on his collar for a moment, and he ran slow fingers down the breast of the jacket. Aziraphale had to stop himself from shivering. Crowley looked up into his eyes.

“Perfect.”

Aziraphale let out a breath. “Yes, my dear, you are.”

Crowley’s eye crinkled at the corners. “Shall we?”

Aziraphale nodded, and they both got out of the car. The cold wind immediately nipped at Aziraphale’s face. Crowley rushed around the car and offered his arm, which Aziraphale took happily. They ran together to the front doors of the gym, and Crowley pushed the doors open. Aziraphale sighed in the warmth of the front entrance. A girl sat at a table with a clipboard and a bucket. She smiled when she saw them arm in arm.

“Tickets?”

Crowley produced two tickets from inside his jacket and slid them across the table. She took them and dropped them into the bucket, then smiled at them. “Have fun.”

“Oh, we will,” Crowley said with a wink.

They walked through the second set of doors and were immediately hit with a blast of music. Aziraphale blinked rapidly. The room was dimly lit, with spotlights and shimmering disco balls reflecting shards of light around the room.

“Wow,” Aziraphale muttered. “It really is like in the movies.”

They walked further in and Crowley directed them towards the refreshment table. Before they could reach it, however, they were accosted by Anathema. She wore a floor length purple dress, and her hair had been pulled into a high bun.

“Guys! I’m so glad you could make it.” She looked them over. “Wow, you guys look great! Come on, Newt and I have a table.”

They glanced at each other and Crowley shrugged. They followed her to a table where Newt was sitting alone and looking very awkward. Anathema sat beside Newt and Aziraphale took the seat beside her.

“Do you want some punch, angel?”

Aziraphale smiled up at him. “Oh, yes please, dear.”

Crowley sauntered off to get them drinks and Aziraphale looked back to Anathema, who was giving him a sly smile.

“So, are you two finally together?”

Aziraphale flushed and shook his head. “No, no, we’re just here as friends.”

Anathema flopped back in her chair. “Oh Aziraphale, come _on!_ Why are you doing this to yourself? It’s obvious you have feelings for each other.”

Aziraphale fidgeted and looked over to where Crowley was getting drinks. “I think I rather messed that up, actually. At your Halloween party. I told him that I only wanted to be friends, and I’m afraid that’s all he wants now as well.”

“You have to talk to him. Do you want him to slip away?”

He chewed his lip. No, he truly didn’t. What if he had waited too long? What if Crowley had decided he didn’t actually want to be with him after all, after he had so rudely pushed him away? If that were the case, Aziraphale had nobody to blame but himself. His thoughts were interrupt by a cup being held in front of his face.

“You ok angel?”

Aziraphale blinked and looked up at Crowley who was staring down at him with concern. He plastered a smile onto his face and took the cup. “Oh, yes! Perfectly fine!”

He sipped his punch and looked away, avoiding Anathema’s eye. A minute later, though, she leapt up and took his hand.

“Come on, let’s go dance! I love this song!”

Both Crowley and Aziraphale protested, trying to pull away from her, but it was no use. She dragged them out to the dance floor by the hands. She immediately began to sway and twist around them, dancing like a snake for a snake charmer. Aziraphale and Crowley glanced at each other, and Aziraphale gave an awkward smile. They began to do their best at copying what everyone around them was doing, and as it turned out, they were both quite terrible at it. But the more they did it, the less they cared.

They danced to song after song, bouncing around each other and laughing every time they caught sight of the other. They looked ridiculous and it was beautiful. After several fast-paced dance songs, the pace changed. It slowed, and around them, people began to couple up. Anathema had dragged Newt onto the dance floor and wrapped her arms around his neck as they swayed. Aziraphale swallowed and glanced at Crowley, who was staring at Anathema. He began to walk off the dance floor, but suddenly Crowley’s hand was on his. Aziraphale stared up at him.

Crowley gave his best impression of an eighteenth-century gentleman and bowed. “May I have this dance?”

Despite himself, Aziraphale smiled. “Are you sure? People are going to stare.”

Crowley shrugged. “Fuck them.”

Aziraphale sighed and allowed him to pull him closer. Crowley took his hand in his and placed his other hand on his hip while Aziraphale placed his on his shoulder. Even though there were a few inches between them, Aziraphale felt extremely close. They swayed slowly to the song. Aziraphale tried to look everywhere but at Crowley’s face. He had settled on one of Crowley’s buttons, when Crowley’s voice forced him to look up.

“Angel?”

He looked up into his golden eyes and his heart fluttered in his chest. Crowley wore the gentlest and most caring look Aziraphale had ever seen. Aziraphale felt frozen, trapped in his eyes, and he never wanted to be released.

“Yes, Crowley?”

“Do you want to get out of here?”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “We haven’t been here for very long.”

“We came here for the experience. I think we’ve experienced enough of it.”

Aziraphale licked his lips. “Where do you want to go?”

Crowley smiled. “It’s a surprise.”

This peaked Aziraphale’s interest. “Oh. Well, alright.”

Crowley stepped away from him but continued to hold his hand as he pulled him across the dance floor to the exit. They rushed past the girl at the table and out into the cold. Crowley turned the heater on when they got into the car. Aziraphale’s heart beat quickly, filled with a rush he had never felt before. They sped through mostly empty streets, and it was clear Crowley had a destination in mind. They finally pulled up in front of a college building, and Aziraphale frowned.

“Crowley? What are we doing here?”

Crowley stepped out of the car. “Just trust me. Come on.”

Aziraphale got out of the car, because he truly did trust Crowley. Instead of going into the building, Crowley walked around the side to a gate. There was a large lock on it, but Crowley pulled a key out of his pocket and a moment later it was open. Once through the gate there was lit path heading to another building. They followed it, and when they reached the doors, Crowley paused.

“Crowley, dear, what’s going on?”

Crowley smiled, and then pushed the door open. A gust of warm air hit Aziraphale’s face, which was pink with the cold, and he sighed. He stepped inside, and the sigh caught in his throat. There were plants everywhere. It looked like they must be in some sort of green house. Trees grew in a canopy overhead, curled into a path that was lined with flowers. Aziraphale stepped forward and found himself following it. The rich greens of the foliage were broken up by all manner of flowers, most of which Aziraphale couldn’t name. As the path reached its end, Aziraphale’s eyes widened. The trees opened into a magnificent indoor garden, with a tinkling fountain in the middle.

Aziraphale turned to see Crowley standing beside him. “My dear, what is this place.”

Crowley smiled. “It’s the University’s greenhouse. It’s normally only accessible to students, but I have connections.”

“It’s absolutely stunning.” Aziraphale walked forward to look into the water of the fountain. Aziraphale realized this must be Crowley’s happy place. “Thank you for bringing me here. This place must be special to you.”

Crowley was silent for a moment as he stared at him. “Not as special as you.”

Aziraphale looked up at him and blinked. Crowley was looking at him with something close to desperation. He took a deep breath and then stepped closer. “Aziraphale, there’s something I need to say to you. It’s something that I’m terrified to say, but I have to. Because if I don’t it will drive me insane, I know it will. It’s something you might not want to hear, and if that’s the case, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to push you or make you do anything you don’t want to. And if you don’t feel the same, just tell me and I’ll never mention it again.”

Aziraphale found he was frozen to the spot. When he didn’t say anything, Crowley continued.

“Aziraphale, before I met you, I was heading down a bad path. It was a path filled with danger and darkness. And hell, I’m still in that world, just a bit. But the first time I saw you, when you looked up at me like I was the goddamn moon and you were the sun, it did something to me. Because that’s was it felt like. Like I was just a rock hurtling through space, trapped in darkness. And you were so damn bright that you lit me up too. And ever since, I’ve been trying to bask in that light. When I’m with you, I don’t feel like everything is hopeless. For the first time since I was a child, I can see a future for myself.”

He took several steps forward so that he was standing right in front of him. “And the future that I see has you in it. You’re all I think about. I think about your smile that could melt an iceberg, and about how your curls that look like a halo in a certain light, and about how the blue of your eyes is like breathing fresh air after being suffocated. I think about your books, and your horrible sense of fashion, and the way you talk like you were born a century too late. You’re ridiculous and impossible and beautiful. You’re everything that I thought I could never have. But when you look at me, it feels like it could be possible. I don’t know what the future holds. All I know is that I need you in it, no matter what that looks like. I just needed you to know.”

Crowley swallowed and licked his lips. “To know that I love you. In every way and in every sense of the word. I’m in love with you. And if you don’t feel the same that’s… that’s fine. It’ll have to be. Because I need you in my life.”

Aziraphale stared up at Crowley. He was sure he hadn’t breathed the entire time he spoke. He allowed the words to wash over him, to sink into his skin and mind and fill him with a joy he have never known. He realized he was still just staring wide eyed at Crowley when Crowley shifted and blinked.

“Like I said, it’s ok if you don’t-“

Aziraphale didn’t let him finish. He grabbed him by the collar of his suit and pulled his lips down to meet his. Crowley let out a shocked squeak that Aziraphale had never heard before. Crowley was stiff for only a moment before he melted into him. Or perhaps melted wasn’t the right word. Crowley was like lava, scalding and swift and a force of nature. His hands found their way into Aziraphale’s curls as he opened his mouth, deepening the kiss. Aziraphale had never kissed anyone before, so he allowed for his enthusiasm to make up for it. Aziraphale felt Crowley’s tongue flick into his mouth and he gasped, reveling in the feeling.

He didn’t realize Crowley was backing him up until his back hit a wall. Aziraphale allowed his hands to lock around Crowley’s neck. Crowley’s whole body was pressed against Aziraphale’s. Aziraphale, acting on instinct, bit down on Crowley’s lower lip and pulled slightly. This elicited a moan from him that sent a shock wave of desire through Aziraphale’s body. Crowley pulled back, staring at him with dazed and wonder filled eyes.

“So, am I to take this to mean that you-“

“I love you too.” Aziraphale rasped, trying to catch his breath. “Of course I love you. How could I not? You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, both inside and out. Of course I want you in every way possible. I just didn’t think it was possible for you to want me in the same way. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But if you’ll have me, I would very much like to be with you.”

Crowley laughed, sounding breathless. “Aziraphale, you’re a god damn miracle, you know that?”

He leaned in and pressed another kiss to his mouth, this time gentler. Aziraphale sighed into it. He never wanted him to stop. Crowley leaned back again, rubbing his cheek with his thumb and gave him an amused smile.

“Aziraphale, would you like to go on a date with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale go on a proper date.

It had been three days since Crowley had confessed how he felt about Aziraphale. Three days since his life had changed for the better. After they had kissed and laughed and talked, Crowley had driven Aziraphale home. He hadn’t wanted to. He wanted to spend every minute with him. But that wasn’t realistic, and Crowley knew it. As it was winter break, Crowley hadn’t seen him since that night. He could have, he knew, but he wanted tonight to be special. He was finally taking Aziraphale on a proper date. They had gone out to eat plenty of times together, but this was different. Now it was official.

So Crowley had planned the best date he could think of. He had at least been able to text Aziraphale. If he hadn’t, he was sure he would have gone insane. As he drove in the Bentley to pick him up, he couldn’t help but smile to himself.

He had been so terrified that night, when he looked at Aziraphale and knew that he had to tell him. It had spilled forth, with little regard to his own self-preservation, breaking free like a boiler pushed past its limits. And when he had finished and Aziraphale had just stared at him with those wide blue eyes, unmoving and unspeaking, he had been sure that he had done it. He had pushed him away. Had gone too fast for him. But then Aziraphale had reached out to him and his lips were on his and his hands were on his coat and he was _kissing _him. Crowley almost closed his eyes now as he drove, remembering the way Aziraphale had tasted. Like tea and mint and warmth. And then he had said the words that absolutely rocked Crowley’s world. He loved him back. He was in love with him. And he agreed to go on a proper date.

Crowley pulled up in front of Aziraphale’s house. He was about to get out of the car, when the front door flew open and Aziraphale rushed out. He smiled and waved as he rushed towards the car, and Crowley smiled back. Aziraphale slid into the passenger seat.

“Were you waiting by the window for me to show up?” Crowley asked, amusement thick in his voice.

Aziraphale’s ears went a bit pink. “I- no, well, yes. So what?”

Crowley laughed and shook his head. “So nothing. It’s cute, is all.”

Aziraphale went even more pink. Crowley knew it would likely take some time for Aziraphale to get used to him saying things like that. “Well, thank you dear. You’re rather cute yourself.”

Crowley shook his head as he began to drive. “I don’t think anyone would describe me as _cute_.”

“I would.” Aziraphale muttered. “Cute and… sexy.”

Crowley almost swerved off the road, which forced Aziraphale to reach up and grasp at the roof. Crowley swallowed loudly, and once Aziraphale got over his alarm, he looked rather proud of himself.

“Angel, you can’t just go around saying things like that.”

“Why not?” Aziraphale pouted.

Though when he looked into his eyes, he saw a glint of something a little… devilish.

Crowley smirked. “Bastard.”

Aziraphale wiggled slightly in his seat, and it took everything in Crowley to not reach over and pull him into his lap. They had after all, only kissed that once, and Aziraphale was new to all this.

“So,” Aziraphale said, still smiling, “Where are we going? You mentioned dinner, but it’s only two.”

“Oh, we are going to dinner. But that’s a little later.”

This seemed to peak Aziraphale interests. “What’s first?”

“First things first, let’s get into London.”

They were both silent as they drove. Crowley glanced over and noticed Aziraphale’s hand lying open on his lap. Crowley took a deep breath, then reached over and grasped it in his. Aziraphale gave a little start, but then smiled. He intertwined their fingers, and Crowley relaxed back into his seat, with only one hand on the wheel.

They reached London not too much later, and Crowley drove to their destination. When he parked the car, Aziraphale raised his eyebrows.

“Where are we?”

They got out of the car and Crowley walked around to take his hand again. He led him to the building he had his eyes on, and Aziraphale’s face lit up.

“A museum?”

Crowley nodded. “The Natural History Museum. I though we could take a walk through history together.”

Aziraphale beamed. “That sounds lovely, my dear.”

They spent the next few hours strolling through the various exhibits. Aziraphale gasped at the massive skeletons of animals long since extinct and marveled at the beautiful architecture around them. Crowley noticed a few people staring at them every so often, and glared at them until they looked away. He knew that they must look odd together. Complete opposites. But really, they weren’t opposites at all. They were complimentary, both of them mirroring everything the other had. It almost felt to Crowley like they he had only been half completed before, like he had been missing an entire part of himself. And now that Aziraphale was here with him, hand in hand, he was once again whole.

They left the museum at around six and headed back to the Bentley.

“Oh, Crowley, that was absolutely wonderful! I had never been there before, but I always wanted to go. Thank you.”

Crowley gave him an easy smile. “No problem, angel.”

“Are we going to dinner now?”

“Mhhm.”

Aziraphale didn’t press for a more concrete answer, and instead just settled comfortably into his seat. Less than ten minutes later, Crowley pulled up to the restaurant. Aziraphale peered out the window and his eyes went wide.

“Crowley, The Ritz?”

“Yep.”

“But, isn’t it quite expensive?”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry about the cost. This is my treat to you, and I want you to enjoy it. Now come on, I have a reservation.”

Even though Aziraphale still looked a little apprehensive, he also looked extremely excited. They walked into the Ritz hand in hand and Crowley gave the hostess a charming smile. Even though he was only eighteen, people often assumed he was in his early twenties. He supposed this had to do with the way he dressed and walked like he owned the place. As for Aziraphale, even though he was fresh faced and obviously young, the way he dressed aged him up a few years. So as the hostess looked them over, she returned his smile.

“Hello, do you have a reservation?”

“I do. Crowley.”

She peered at the computer and smiled. “Perfect. Right this way.”

She led them to a table near the back in the middle of the floor. Crowley stepped forward and slid out Aziraphale’s chair for him, which earned him a beautiful blush. The hostess beamed at them, obviously charmed by this. Crowley took his seat and she placed the menus in front of them.

“Your waiter will be right with you.”

Crowley gave her a wink. “Thanks.”

Once she was gone, Aziraphale stared at him with wide eyes. “Crowley, this place is so fancy.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re dressed for the occasion then, hmm?”

Instead of his normal jumpers and khakis, Aziraphale had instead dressed up in handsome three-piece tan suit. It had a waist coat and everything, with a bow tie securely around his neck. Aziraphale smiled and began to examine the menu. The waiter approached a moment later.

“Good evening gentlemen. May I offer you refreshments?”

“Oh-“ Aziraphale began, but Crowley cut him off.

“We’ll have your best Merlot.”

The waiter smiled and inclined his head. “Very good, sir.”

He scurried off to retrieve their wine, and Aziraphale blinked at him. “I’ve only ever had wine once.”

Crowley raised his eyebrows. “Oh, sorry. Did you not want me to order for you?”

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I’m just not used to it.”

Once their wine was poured and the orders were placed, Aziraphale sat back and examined the restaurant. He smiled as his eyes moved over the other patrons, and Crowley smiled as he watched him. He loved the way Aziraphale’s eyes twinkled in the lights. He looked like he belonged here. Crowley slid his chair closer, bringing Aziraphale’s attention to him. He took his hand out of his lap and laid it on the table so that he could easily hold it.

“Thank you, Crowley. This date is wonderful, especially for my first date.”

“I’m glad you like it.” Crowley sipped his wine.

When the food finally came, Aziraphale was practically bouncing in his seat. Crowley had known that Aziraphale loved good food, but he hadn’t been expecting such a strong reaction. He smiled indulgently at him as he cut into his first dish. When the food touched Aziraphale tongue, he let out a moan. And boy, that did something to Crowley. He shifted in his chair, turning so that he could better watch him. Now that how they felt was out in the open, he could watch him fully. He didn’t have to sneak glances from behind his glasses. He leaned forward on his hand, allowing his eyes to take in every aspect of Aziraphale. To memorize him. The way he closed his eyes when he took a bite, the way he licked his lips afterward to get every last flavor, the soft sighs and moans he made. It was all incredible.

Aziraphale dabbed at him lips with his napkin. “How are you enjoying it, dear?”

“Oh, I’m enjoying myself very much.”

Aziraphale glanced at his plate, which he had barely touched. “But you aren’t eating.”

Crowley chuckled. “I didn’t say I was enjoying the food.”

Aziraphale blushed and smiled, looking away. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Ask away.”

“Do you have any plans for Christmas day?”

Crowley frowned. “Uh, no, I don’t think so. My mum will probably be out.”

Aziraphale nodded. “Well, it’s just that I was wondering if you wanted to come over and spend the day with me and my family. It’s nothing fancy. Just my parents, my aunt and uncle, and my two cousins. Maybe my other aunt and uncle as well, but they aren’t guaranteed. You could come over for Christmas dinner and stay for cocoa afterwards.”

Crowley stared at him. In truth, he hated Christmas. When he was much younger, his mother had tried to make it not terrible. She had scraped up a few gifts and a tree. But that had stopped when he was nine. Growing up, he had been forced to see all the kids around him get gifts and go on holiday and have fun with their families. Meanwhile, he had been home alone, eating canned soup in an empty house.

He cleared his throat. “Um, do your parents not mind me coming over?”

Aziraphale shook his head. “I already asked them. I told them your mother would be working. I’m sorry for just assuming, but…”

“No, no, that’s fine.” He shifted. “Um, yeah, sure. Why not?”

Aziraphale gave him one of his brightest smiles. “Oh, good! Well, now I’m very excited.”

“So, do they know about us?”

Aziraphale frowned. “Oh, no. Not yet. But I do intend on telling them.”

Crowley chewed his bottom lips. “Ok. I’m not pressuring you or anything…”

“I know!” Aziraphale said quickly. “But I want them to know. I’m not going to hide who I am from them. Not anymore. Not now that I have you.”

Once they finished with dessert, Crowley paid the bill and they walked out hand in hand. The air outside was cold and biting, and Crowley inhaled deeply. He tilted his head back to look up at the dark sky, and as he did, he felt the cold touch of a snowflake touch his cheek.

Aziraphale laughed. “It’s snowing!”

Crowley didn’t particularly like snow, but Aziraphale looked happy, so he smiled. Once in the warm car, Crowley blew hot breath onto Aziraphale’s cold hands.

“Thank you dear.”

“Anytime angel.”

They drove back home to the gentle sound of the radio, as the snow came down around them more heavily. A little after nine, Crowley pulled up in front of Aziraphale’s house. Crowley really didn’t want Aziraphale to go, but this was typically how dates ended. Aziraphale looked up at his house, and Crowley got the impression the Aziraphale didn’t want to go either.

“Well,” Aziraphale sighed, “I had a wonderful time. This has honestly been one of the best nights of my life.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “Just one of them? Which night beats this one? Just so that I know what I have to go up against next time.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “Actually, the other best night of my life was three days ago. It also happens to include you.”

Crowley felt his chest grow warm. “Yeah, that was the best night of my life as well. But just so you know, I’m going to work the rest of my life to one up it.”

“Crowley, I want every happy memory I make to have you in it.”

Crowley smiled and leaned forward. Aziraphale’s eyes went wide, and then he was leaning forward as well. Crowley let his lips just brush against Aziraphale’s, soft and delicate. But all too soon, that wasn’t enough. He leaned further into it, bringing his hand up to grab Aziraphale by the back of the neck.

Aziraphale gasped and brought his own hands up to grab Crowley by the front of his shirt. Crowley unbuckled his seat belt and slid closer to him, pressing him against the car door. Crowley had given it a small test before, but this time he added his tongue to the kiss with more force. Aziraphale seemed surprised, but not against it. Tentatively, Aziraphale pressed his own tongue into Crowley’s mouth. Crowley moaned. He moved his mouth from his and began to kiss the sensitive skin beneath his jaw and along his neck. Aziraphale gasped and arched into him. Crowley worked his mouth down to his collar bone. Every fiber in his body wanted to continue, to take this further. He pulled away, breathing heavily.

Aziraphale watched him, his own breathing labored. “Why did you stop?”

Crowley laughed. “Trust me, I don’t want to. But… I know you aren’t as experienced. And I don’t want your first time to be in car.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “Oh. I didn’t rather think we _were _going to go that far. I was just enjoying what we were doing.”

Crowley smiled. “Trust me, so was I. If you weren’t you, and I didn’t feel the way I do about you, I would take you back to my place right now.” He reached up and ran his thumb over Aziraphale’s lips. Aziraphale shivered. “But I’m not going to do that. You deserve every experience to be perfect. So we’ll wait.”

Aziraphale looked down and frowned, then looked back up. “But we can still kiss, right?”

Crowley raised an eyebrow and chuckled. “Yes, of course we can angel. Whatever you want. We’re moving at your pace, always remember that.”

Aziraphale nodded and reached out to him, cradling his face against his palm. “Thank you so much. I don’t deserve you.”

Crowley frowned and bit at Aziraphale’s hand. “Shut up. Don’t ever say that. You deserve everything. If anything, I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you.”

Aziraphale frowned but didn’t argue. “Well, I had better go.”

Crowley wanted to hold onto him, but he just nodded. Aziraphale leaned in and pressed his lips to Crowley’s once more. Then he got out of the car and ran to his front door. He turned and waved once, and Crowley waved back.

Once he was inside, Crowley took a deep breath. He had thought he already fallen, but he’d be damned if wasn’t still going down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all your enthusiasm for this fic! It's extremely motivational and wonderful and I truly appreciate all of your amazing comments!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley comes over for Christmas day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the delay. I've had work and family in town and a ton of other responsibilities. I also wanted to mention something else. I have received a few very rude comments on past chapters. I deleted most of the particularly rude ones, but I still wanted to address this. The comments mostly contained issues with the fact that there were inconsistencies with the fact that this takes place in Britain and there are some "Americanisms". I already know this. I'm just writing this for fun and because I love Good Omens and the fandom. One comment said I could "At least" do more research, and that this whole thing is ridiculous and I should have set it in the U.S. Please understand that none of these chapters are prewritten, I'm writing them all as I go. All I'm trying to do is write a fun story about characters we all love. I will likely continue to make mistakes, as I do not live in Europe. If this bothers you, going forward, you do not need to read on. It's fine, really. It just takes a bit of the fun away from writing this when I open my comments to see a multiple paragraph comment talking about how lazy the writing is because the school has lockers. I'm not going to stop writing it just because a few people have been unkind, but I would really appreciate it if we could lay off the negativity. Thanks!

Crowley stared up at Aziraphale’s house from the front seat of his car. He wasn’t typically one to get nervous, but he would be lying if he said his stomach wasn’t twisted into knots. He had forgone his normal black attire for something slightly more festive and welcoming. He adjusted his dark red cashmere sweater. He took a steadying breath and climbed out of the car. Careful not to drop anything, he lifted the three packages that sat on the passenger seat. He walked to the front door, and while balancing the packages in one arm, rang the doorbell. He held his breath as he heard voices shouting from inside, and then the door swung open.

Aziraphale stood in the doorway, his blonde curls a mess and his blue eyes wide with excitement. He had forgone his normal beige or tartan sweater for a red and green one with a Christmas tree on it. It had only been a few days since he had seen him, yet Crowley felt his heart soar at the sight of him.

“Hey there, angel.”

Aziraphale beamed. “Cowley! Oh, my dear, I’m so glad you came!”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Why wouldn’t I come? I told you I would. I don’t break promises to you.”

Aziraphale flushed and nodded, looking at the packages. “Oh, are those for me?”

“Well, you and your parents,” Crowley shrugged. “I wasn’t sure what to get them, but I didn’t want to come empty handed.”

Aziraphale took the packages out of Crowley’s arms. “You didn’t have to get us anything.”

“But I wanted to.”

Crowley followed Aziraphale into the house and shut the door behind him. They walked into the living room, and Crowley stopped at the entrance. There were already several people seated around the room, Aziraphale’s family, Crowley assumed.

“Everyone, this is Crowley. He brought gifts!” Aziraphale announced, walking to the tree and setting the presents down beneath it.

Aziraphale’s mother stood and approached him. “Crowley, it’s lovely to see you again.”

He began to lift his hand to shake hers, but she instead embraced him. He stiffened for a moment, then returned it. “Thank you for having me, Ellen.”

She smiled warmly. “Oh, of course! We’re happy to have you.”

“Crowley! Good to see you again, my boy.” Aziraphale’s father walked forward from where he had been pouring himself a drink and stuck out his hand. Crowley shook it and nodded. “Hello, Robert.”

Aziraphale came to stand beside him. “Er, Crowley, this is my aunt Sharron and her husband David.” He indicated the two middle aged people on the sofa. Sharron was looking him over carefully, as though trying to memorize him. Crowley waved.

“And these are my twin cousins, Elise and Jack. They’re only a year younger than us.”

Elise looked up from her phone and gave Crowley a once over, smiling at what she saw. Her dark hair and round eyes gave her the look of someone of innocence, but her smirk said something else.

“Hey. Are you sure you’re friends with cousin Zira? You don’t exactly look like you’re in the same social group.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. So, Aziraphale hadn’t told anyone yet. Well, he wasn’t about to out him now. “Yes, Aziraphale and I are very good friends.”

She narrowed her eyes but didn’t say anything more. Jack just smiled at him from where he sat beside his sister.

Aziraphale shifted, looking uncomfortable. “Right, um, my aunt Deirdre and my uncle Arthur are also coming with their son Adam. They should be here soon.”

Crowley nodded, doing his best remember all the names. Aziraphale sat down on the love seat across from his aunt and uncle and Crowley dropped down beside him. He almost threw his arm over Aziraphale’s shoulder but stopped himself. If Aziraphale wasn’t ready to tell his parents yet, then that was fine.

Aziraphale’s family made polite conversation with each other, and Crowley soon found himself zoning out. He focused instead on Aziraphale. This had become a common occurrence. He felt as though he were in orbit around him, constantly circling him and being dragged closer by the second. His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Ellen answered it, and three people were welcomed into the room. A man and woman came in followed by a young boy with a mop of brown hair. The boy ignored the welcomes of everyone else around the room and walked immediately up to Aziraphale.

“Hey, Zira!”

“Oh, hello Adam! My, you’ve gotten bigger since I last saw you.”

Adam smiled. “Yeah, I grew two inches. I’m taller than Pepper now.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “I’m sure she absolutely hates that.”

There was a twinkled of mischief in Adams eyes. “Yeah, she does. She started wearing taller shoes.”

Adams eyes moved to Crowley. “Hi.”

Crowley hated people, but he actually liked kids. They said what they meant and were often open to other ideas. “Hey.”

Adam tilted his head. “I like your tattoo.” He pointed the snake that peaked out from beneath his hair.

“Thanks. Do you like snakes?”

“Oh yeah! They’re really cool.”

“Alright everyone,” Ellen said, “Come to the table. Dinner’s ready.”

Everyone made their way into the dinning room. Crowley took the seat beside Aziraphale, both sitting on the same side as Adam and the twins. Aziraphale’s aunts and uncles sat on the other side, with his parents at he heads of the table. They passed around the turkey and side dishes in silence.

Crowley glanced at Aziraphale and saw that he was looking at him. He winked, and Aziraphale went a bit pink. He turned back to his plate and saw Sharron watching him. He smiled and raised an eyebrow. She sniffed and went back to cutting her turkey.

They droned on about all their respective jobs, asking polite questions that older people always felt the need to ask, and Crowley once again zoned them out. He was terrible at small talk. He had never been very good at pretending to care about mundane things that didn’t matter or interest him. He didn’t notice when someone spoke to him until Aziraphale nudged him.

“Hmm?”

Sharron pursed her lips. “I asked, what University are you looking to get into?”

Crowley shifted. “Oh, um, I actually wasn’t planning on going. I was thinking of maybe starting my own business.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. Crowley had never told him that before.

Sharron frowned. “But surely that could wait until after University. It’s very irresponsible for you to not go. Don’t your parents want you to?”

Crowley grimaced. “They don’t care, actually.”

David patted his wife on the hand. “My wife is right, though. Not to mention, University is the best place to meet girls. That’s where Sharron and I met.”

Crowley sighed and was about to tell them that he was in fact not interested in women, when Aziraphale spoke up.

“Actually, there is no need for Crowley to meet anyone else. Because,” he glanced at Crowley, and he could see both the nerves and the resolve in his eyes, “Crowley and I are in a relationship.”

A silence settled over the table, everyone looking between Aziraphale and Crowley. Aziraphale cleared his throat. “And by that, I mean, he is my boyfriend and I am his. We’re gay.”

Sharron huffed. “Really, Aziraphale, you can’t be serious? You aren’t gay.”

Aziraphale frowned. “Yes, I am.”

She shook her head. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re a good, proper young man. This phase will pass, just you wait and see.”

The rest of the table was dead silent, and Aziraphale had begun to turn quite red. He reached out and took Crowley’s hand, placing it on the table. “No, this is not a phase. I love Crowley and he loves me.”

“Oh, for Heavens sake, that’s not-“

“Sharron!”

Everyone’s head snapped around to look at Aziraphale’s father. He had gone a bit pink himself. “That is quite enough Sharron. If Aziraphale is happy, then it is none of your business what he does with his life. I don’t poke and prod about what your children do with their love life and I would appreciate it if you had the same manners. I for one am,” he cleared his throat and looked at Aziraphale, whose eyes had gone quite wide, “I’m quite proud of him for making the choice and being brave enough to tell us.”

He turned back to his plate and began to eat again, as though nothing had just happened. Sharron looked like she had been slapped, and when everyone else looked at her, she at least had the grace to look ashamed. Everyone began to eat again, though a tense silence had fallen over the table. Crowley looked at Aziraphale and squeezed his hand. Aziraphale was still staring at his father, and his eyes were bright and shining with tears. Aziraphale swallowed and began to pat at his eyes with his napkin. Crowley felt the overwhelming urge to pull him into a tight embrace. Before anyone else could do anything though, Adam spoke up.

“Hey, Zira, you and your boyfriend should come to Tadfield to play with my friends and me sometime.”

Aziraphale smiled warmly at his little cousin. “We would love to, Adam.”

After dinner, everyone sat around the living room and opened gifts from each other. Adam received a new pair of shirts and jeans from Sharron and her family, a football from Aziraphale’s parents, and a magic kit from Aziraphale. His eyes lit up when he saw it.

“Whoa! Magic? This is awesome! Thanks Zira.”

Aziraphale wiggled in his seat. “It’s no trouble, my dear. I’m glad you like it.”

Crowley’s gifts to Aziraphale and his family were passed around. Crowley tried to look like he didn’t care if they liked it or not, but he was unable to stop from watching out of the corner of his eye. Ellen unwrapped hers first.

“Oh, my, Crowley is this designer?”

She held up the small white Valentino bag. Crowley nodded.

“Dear, you didn’t need to spend money on me.”

He smiled. “It was no trouble.”

Robert opened his box to find a very expensive bottle of scotch, and his eyes visibly widened. He looked up at Aziraphale.

“Son, if you don’t keep this one around, I think we’ll still be inviting him to Christmas next year anyways.”

Aziraphale laughed. “I fully intend on keeping him.”

He looked up into Crowley’s eyes with so much warmth and happiness that Crowley felt like he may drown in it. He wanted to lean forward and kiss him, but then Aziraphale was turning away to open his own gift. Crowley felt another wave of nerves. Aziraphale tore off the paper and stared. When he didn’t speak for a minute more, Crowley leaned in to speak in his ear.

“Do you like it?”

Aziraphale looked up. “My dear, is this a first addition Oscar Wilde?”

Crowley nodded. Aziraphale looked like he was going to burst into tears, but instead he grabbed Crowley by the collar and pulled his mouth to his. They kissed passionately for several seconds before Aziraphale pulled away.

“It’s incredible. Thank you, my love.”

Crowley ran a thumb across Aziraphale’s cheek. “Of course. Anything for you, angel.”

Later that even Aziraphale and Crowley sat out on the front porch, both wrapped in a blanket and with a mug of cocoa each. Aziraphale was curled under Crowley’s arm with his head on his chest.

“This has been the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”

Crowley looked down at him. “Same.”

Aziraphale shifted so that he could better look at Crowley. “I’m sorry I didn’t get you a gift. I didn’t realize we would be exchanging presents, and I don’t know what I could have possibly given you anyways.”

Crowley caressed Aziraphale’s face. “Don’t worry about that angel. You’ve given me everything I could have possibly wanted just by being here with me. I’ve never had a family to do this sort of thing with.”

Aziraphale pressed a kiss to Crowley’s palm. “From this day forward, I’ll be your family.”

Resting their forehead’s together, Crowley closed his eyes. “I don’t think I deserve you.”

“You do.” Aziraphale said it with force. “You deserve everything.”

“Well then,” Crowley said with a smile, “It’s a good thing I have it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahoo! Let me know what you guys thought of this chapter! I will try to update again soon.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley go back to Crowley's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! The rating changes for this chapter! If you don't want to read smut, you can skip over this chapter. I made sure to not include any major plot points in this one, so if you want this fic to remain all fluff you don't need to read it. For everyone else, read on!

For many people, the end of winter break was a sadness. This was not the case for Aziraphale. The end of winter break meant he got to see Crowley every day, multiple times per day. He woke up early on Monday morning and made sure to make himself look extra nice. He wore his best tartan jumper and combed his curls until they were somewhat under control. He ran out the door at seven fifteen to the sound of a rumbling engine. Crowley smiled at him from the driver seat of the Bentley and raised an eyebrow at him as he slid into his seat.

“Well, don’t you seem eager?”

Aziraphale smiled at him. “Good morning to you too, dear.”

He shook his head and chuckled. “You’re the only person who I know is happy to go back to school.”

“Well, if it means I get to see you more often, why wouldn’t I be more excited?”

Crowley blushed slightly. “You’re ridiculously sentimental.”

The drive to school was quick, and when Crowley pulled into the parking lot, Aziraphale glanced at him. “So, we haven’t discussed how we’re going to be together in school.”

Crowley frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well,” Aziraphale chewed his lips, “It’s just that I’m already a target. I don’t want you being one as well.”

Crowley narrowed his eyes. “Aziraphale, I need you to listen to me very carefully. I am not afraid of these people. If they have a problem with us, they can take it up with me. I will not hide you and pretend that I’m not crazy about you just because a few suburban twats take issue with it. And if anyone gives you trouble when I’m not with you, you let me know and I will make sure they never do it again.”

Aziraphale felt heat rise to his face. Hearing Crowley say he was crazy about him made him feel like he was filled with helium. It still didn’t feel real. How could Crowley love him?

Crowley pulled out a cigarette and lit it, which made Aziraphale frown. “Must you smoke those things, darling? They’re disgusting and horrible for your health.”

Crowley watched him as he took a long, slow drag. Even though Aziraphale hated that he smoked, he had to admit that he looked incredibly sexy doing it. Crowley turned his head and blew out the window.

“You’ve got to let me have at least one vice.”

Aziraphale pressed his lips together but didn’t argue. They both got out of the car. Crowley walked around to Aziraphale’s side and they began to walk up to the school together. Aziraphale was about to put his hands into his pockets when Crowley reached out and took it. He continued to smoke with the other. The image really was a strange one, but it made Aziraphale feel lightheaded. Crowley was putting their relationship out there for everyone to see. And it was clear that people did see.

Students heads turned to watch them as they walked down the halls, their whispers chasing after them.

“Did you see them?”

“They were holding hands.”

“So, it’s true then?”

Aziraphale hated having eyes on him, but he held his head up high anyways. He was proud to be with Crowley, and he wanted people to know it. Why shouldn’t he be? Every girl in the school had wanted to be with Crowley, and yet somehow, he had ended up with him. It was truly a strange world. His thoughts were interrupted by a shout. He looked up to see Anathema standing in the middle of the hallway, her eyes on their clasped hands. She looked absolutely ecstatic.

“Oh my God! Has is finally happened? Have you to morons finally admitted how you feel about each other?”

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Catch up, will you? We did that two weeks ago after the dance. Been dating and everything since then.”

Anathema was practically jumping with joy. “I knew it! I knew you would figure it out.”

Aziraphale finally let go of Crowley’s hand to open his locker. “Yes, yes, you’re very perceptive Anathema.”

“Honestly, you two are going to make the cutest couple!”

“Pshh,” Crowley rolled his eyes. “We’ve been the cutest couple since day one.”

Anathema opened her locker, and in one swipe pushed the contents of it into her backpack. “Your humility is staggering. Anyways, I have to go meet Newt. I’ll see you two love bird at lunch.”

She bounced off, leaving the two smiling after her. Aziraphale shook his head.

“She acts like she predicted this from the start.”

“I don’t think anyone could have done that.” Crowley watched Aziraphale as he put his books into his locker. “Hey, do you want to come over to my place after school?”

Aziraphale looked up at him in surprise. “Oh, you’ve never invited me over before.”

Crowley shrugged. “Yeah, I know. It’s not exactly a nice place, but my mum works until ten tonight and she always goes out for drinks afterward. So, we’d have the place to ourselves.”

Aziraphale’s heartbeat picked up at that. They would be alone, in a house, by themselves. Truly alone, for the first time. Despite himself, Aziraphale found his eyes wandering Crowley’s body.

“Oh, alright. Sure. Sounds fun.”

Crowley smiled and nodded. “Cool.”

Aziraphale swallowed. “Mhm, cool.”

Later that afternoon, they pulled up in front of Crowley’s house. Aziraphale stared out the window at the worn-down dilapidated building. The front yard was tiny and filled with weeds, and if Crowley hadn’t told him differently, Aziraphale would think the place was abandoned. They got out of the car and Aziraphale followed Crowley up to the front door. A loud pop came from down the street and Aziraphale turned to see what had made it, but before he could identify to source, Crowley had pulled him inside. The inside of the house wasn’t too much better. The living room was tiny, consisting of an old tattered love seat, a flimsy coffee table, and an old box tv.

Crowley cleared his throat and Aziraphale looked at him. He looked uncomfortable. “Right, so this is my house. It’s not much, but it’s a place to sleep.”

Aziraphale smiled. “It’s fine, really. I like your…minimalists lifestyle.”

Crowley snorted loudly. “That’s called being poor, angel.”

Aziraphale blushed as Crowley led him down a short hall. “They bathroom is there, if you need it. And this is my room.”

They walked into a small room that finally looked like it belonged to Crowley. Artsy posters were hung on the walls, with a large tapestry hung behind a double bed. A small flat screen television sat on a dresser against the wall and a closet that looked like it contained only dark clothing sat partially open. Aziraphale smiled.

“This certainly feels more like you.”

Crowley smirked as he kicked off his shoes. “Yeah, well, it’s the one place that’s really mine.”

Crowley dropped onto the bed and slid back so that his back was against the wall. He patted the spot beside him. “Come on angel, take off your shoes and have a seat.”

Aziraphale licked his lips and did as he said. All of his sense were heightened as he sat down beside Crowley, their legs pressed gently together. Crowley turned on the tv.

“Do you care what we watch?”

Aziraphale shook his head, so Crowley turned on some sitcom from the nineties. Honestly, Aziraphale was not paying attention. Instead, his mind was on Crowley’s hand that laid open in his lap. Aziraphale considered his options. Crowley was likely waiting for him to make the first move. He had said they were going at his pace, after all.

And so, with his heart pounding in his chest, Aziraphale reached past Crowley’s hand and rested his hand on his thigh. He felt Crowley tense immediately, and he held his breath. He felt Crowley’s eyes on him. Slowly, Crowley lifted his own hand and reached over, laying it in the same place Aziraphale’s was on his leg. Aziraphale looked up at him. Crowley leaned closer to him, his breath like a caress against his mouth.

“Angel, what are you doing?”

Aziraphale shook his head. “Honestly, I don’t know. I just know I want to touch you.”

Crowley’s breath caught in his throat and he raised his eyebrows. “Well then, by all means, touch me.”

Aziraphale had no idea was he was doing, but he figured it was best to let his instincts guide him. He slid his hand further up and squeezed. Crowley swallowed loudly and shifted. Aziraphale let his hand trail up to his shirt, and then slid his finger beneath the fabric to the soft skin of his stomach. Crowley shivered beneath his touch, almost closing his eyes as Aziraphale’s fingers rubbed past a nipple.

Aziraphale glanced down and saw the bulge in Crowley’s pants. Deciding, for once in his life to be bold, he turned himself around and threw his leg over Crowley so that he was straddling him. This was like an on switch for Crowley. His hands immediately surged up into Aziraphale’s hair, and he pulled his mouth down to his. The kiss was passionate, both of their tongues fighting for dominance over the others mouth. Crowley bit down lightly on Aziraphale’s bottom lip, and this earned him a low moan.

Emboldened by this, Crowley moved his mouth down to Aziraphale’s neck and began to give small bites, scraping his teeth over the skin and the easing them with soft kisses. Aziraphale’s breath grew more ragged as Crowley worked his way down to his collar bone. Crowley’s hands slid under his jumper and up his back, his fingers digging in gently against the soft skin. Aziraphale tightened his grip on Crowley shirt. Every fiber of his being felt like it was on fire. A month ago, he could have never imagined he would be in Crowley’s bed, being ravaged by the most attractive man he had ever seen.

Crowley rolled his hips upwards, and the movement against Aziraphale made him cry out. Crowley chuckled against his neck.

“Are you alright?”

Aziraphale nodded. “Yes, yes, I’m fine. More than fine, I think.”

Crowley looked up at him, a mischievous smile on his face. “Do you know the sorts of things you like?”

Aziraphale frowned. “I like? Um, book, and-“

Crowley laughed loudly. “No, angel, I mean sexually.”

A small tremor went through Aziraphale’s body as his eyes widened. “Oh. Um, no, I don’t know. I’ve never done anything like that before. Have you?”

Crowley shrugged. “Yeah, I few times.”

Aziraphale didn’t want to admit it, but a surge of jealousy went through him. It made sense, of course. Crowley was extremely attractive, and he went after what he wanted. “With other boyfriends?”

Crowley shook his head. “No, you’re the first real boyfriend I’ve had. Just casual hookups at parties or out on the town. I never saw them again, usually.”

A small smile lit up Aziraphale’s face. Well, that was better at least. He didn’t like to imagine another boy in the passenger seat of the Bentley, with Crowley’s arm snug around their shoulder. The image was wrong in his mind.

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “What? Are you jealous angel?”

“No, of course I’m not!” Aziraphale knew Crowley could see right through it.

Crowley was still smileing as he brought his hands around to the front to rub Aziraphale’s chest. “Don’t worry babe, you’re the only one I’ve ever loved. And you don’t need to look so smug about that!”

Aziraphale tried to hide the look that had crept onto his face but gave up. “I can hardly help it dear. I never thought someone like you would love someone like me.”

Crowley hooked a finger onto Aziraphale’s collar and pulled it down to see more of his chest. He placed a wet kiss against it. “What? You mean a hooligan like me can’t be with a prissy goody good like you?”

Aziraphale hit his arm in mock outrage. “I am not a priss!”

Leaning back from his chest, Crowley gave him a dubious look. “Aziraphale, I think you invented the word.” Aziraphale was about to protest again when Crowley pinched his nipple and all those thoughts disappeared. Crowley continued. “It’s not a bad thing. I like it. All the more for me to corrupt with my evil wiles.”

Aziraphale spoke with staggered breath. “Well then… if… if you are going co-corrupt me, I’ll have to, ah, tame you.”

Crowley chuckled darkly. “You could never.”

Aziraphale looked down at him with wide, sad blue eyes. “Really, dear? Never?”

Crowley sat back. “Oh, angel, I was only kidding-“ He stopped when he saw the devilish smile on Aziraphale’s face. “Oh, you bastard. I’ll show you tame.”

He grabbed Aziraphale by the hips and flipped him so that he was on his back and Crowley was over him and between his legs, his hands on either side of his head. He ground hips against Aziraphale’s.

“Well, since you don’t know what you like, we’ll just have to find out.”

Aziraphale gasped as Crowley rubbed the palm of his hand over the bulge in his pants. He pushed up into it. Crowley leaned down so he could whisper in his ear, his breath hot against his neck.

“Can I take off your pants, angel?”

Aziraphale swallowed, then nodded. He found he was shaking as Crowley undid the top button of his pants and slid down the zipper. He was shaking so much that he didn’t realize Crowley was doing the same. Crowley watched Aziraphale’s face as he gripped the waistband of his khakis and slid them down to his knees. Aziraphale squeezed his eyes shut. He was afraid that if he watched what Crowley was doing, he would physically combust. But as Crowley began to press soft kisses to the insides of his thighs, he couldn’t help his eyes from fluttering open. Crowley kissed up to the seams of his briefs, his eyes still on Aziraphale’s face. He pulled back slightly.

“Is this ok?”

Aziraphale licked his lips and nodded. Crowley continued the kisses on the other leg. He slid one hand up and under the fabric on the side of the underwear. Aziraphale squirmed. His hand was _so close_. It was driving him insane.

“Aziraphale?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I give you a blow job?”

Aziraphale’s eyes shot down to Crowley’s face. Crowley’s head was tilted slightly to the left, one eyebrow raised expectantly. Aziraphale swallowed. He had never had that done before, but he knew that he wanted Crowley to do it. He nodded.

Crowley’s smiled grew. He gripped both sides of his briefs and pulled them down, allowing Aziraphale’s erection to spring free. Crowley leaned back and looked him over, his eyes taking in the sight before him. Aziraphale squirmed, feeling self-conscious. He had no idea what sort of guys Crowley had been with before. When Crowley chuckled, Aziraphale’s face went bright red.

“Angel, you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”

“Um, is that bad?”

“Bad?” Crowley looked at him like he had gone mad. “No angel, it’s not bad. It’s… it’s really good.”

He leaned down then, and before Aziraphale could prepare himself, ran his tongue up the length of his cock. Aziraphale cried out and dug his hands into the sheets. Crowley smiled at his reaction. He did it again, this time running his tongue over the slit at the head.

“Oh, ah, Christ Crowley.”

Crowley smirked. Then, with one last devilish look, he took him all the way into his mouth. Aziraphale let out a shout and thrust upwards involuntarily. Crowley grasped his hips and thrust him back down. Crowley narrowed his eyes at him, sucking slowly from base to tip. When he pulled off, he smiled.

“Do try to stay still.”

“S-sorry.”

Crowley went back down and slid his mouth over him, letting his tongue curl around the base and pressing flat as he came back over the head. Aziraphale let out a shuddering breath. He felt like the blood was rushing too quickly through his body. He took deep breaths to stay calm, but as Crowley took him all the way in again, he swallowed around him. Aziraphale yelped and dug his hand into Crowley’s hair. Crowley moaned at the sudden rough contact. Aziraphale, feeling embarrasses, began to remove his hands, but Crowley shook his head.

“No, I like it. Pull it, if you want.”

Aziraphale bit his lip. He had to admit, that was extremely hot. He dug his fingers in once more and tugged. Crowley quickened his pace, moving up and down and moving his fist around him in rhythm. Aziraphale had to admit that just the sight of Crowley, red hair tied back, tattoos all visible, golden eyes looking up at him, was enough to get him off.

Aziraphale cried out, his fist tightening in the blankets. “Crowley, I’m- I’m about to, ah, I-‘m gonna-“

Crowley tightened his mouth around him as Aziraphale came. Aziraphale had masturbated before, but this was another experience all together. His back arched off the bed as Crowley held him through the orgasm. When it finally ended, Aziraphale fell back on the bed, completely out of breath. Crowley slid his mouth off him and wiped himself of the blankets. He then crawled up and laid beside Aziraphale on the bed.

“How was it?”

Aziraphale shook his head, his eyes half closed. “That was… I’ve never felt anything like it before.”

Crowley grinned and pulled Aziraphale towards him, tucking him against his chest. “I’m glad I could be the first one to do that for you.”

Aziraphale pressed his face into Crowley’s chest. “So am I.” He peaked up at him. “Um, do you want me to do you?”

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “Eventually, hell yes. But not right now. Let’s take it slow. There’ll always be time later to do what we like.”

Aziraphale smiled. “Well, if you’re sure.”

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Aziraphale’s forehead. “I am. Now if you don’t mind, I love this episode.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I know it's been awhile I'm so sorry! I promise I haven't given up on this fic. I still love this fandom and this story, so I will begin posting updates again. I lost someone very close to me and I was having a hard time dealing with it, so I took a break from writing for a bit. But I'm back now! I'm not sure if anyone will still be interested in this fic since it's been so long, but I'm still invested. So, here you go!

Aziraphale awoke to a loud bang. Crowleys bedroom was now shrouded in darkness and shadows, and he realized they had fallen asleep. He glanced blearily at the alarm clock on Crowley’s nightstand and saw that it was just after eight pm. He moved his eyes to Crowley, and even in the dark room he could see that Crowley was awake. He was lying very still and frowning.

“Crowley? Is everything ok?”

Before Crowley could respond, the sound of laughter filtered in from the living room. Aziraphale sat up.

“I thought you said your mom wasn’t supposed to come home until later.”

Crowley sighed and ran a hand over his face. “She wasn’t supposed to. I guess she got off early.”

The raucous voices from the other room made Aziraphale flinch. “Is she drunk?”

Crowley sat up. “Sounds like it.”

“But, it’s only eight pm on a Monday.”

Crowley shrugged. “That’s never stopped her before.”

Aziraphale took Crowley hand. “It’s alright. We can just stay in here until they leave or fall asleep.”

Crowley shook his head. “I don’t think that’s an option. My mother has been known to stay up until the morning drinking and partying.”

Aziraphale considered this, then smiled. “Well, that’s alright. We could always keep ourselves entertained.”

A sly smile came across Crowley’s face as he raised an eyebrow. “Oh? What did you have in mind?”

Aziraphale ran his hand down Crowley’s thigh. “Well, I never got the chance to reciprocate earlier.”

Crowley closed his eyes as Aziraphale rubbed his thigh, but the shrieking laugh of a woman made him jump. He groaned.

“No, unfortunately I don’t think that will work. I’ll never be able to focus with them in the other room.”

Aziraphale sighed, but secretly agreed. He doubted he would be able to do much of anything to Crowley with his mother in the other room. “Very well. Should we go?”

Crowley looked at the door and grimaced. “I don’t want you to have to see that.”

“Crowley, I promise I won’t judge you for whatever your mother does. I know you aren’t her.”

Crowley flexed his jaw, then nodded. “Alright. Gather your things and just stay close to me. Don’t talk to her if you can avoid it.”

Aziraphale wanted to tell Crowley that he had absolutely no interest in talking to his mother. He didn’t want to know someone who could treat a person as wonderful as Crowley so horribly. She should have protected him, but instead she was the one who inflicted the pain.

Once his shoes were on and his backpack was slung over his shoulder, he stood behind Crowley, who had his hand on the door handle. Aziraphale placed a hand on Crowley’s back.

“It’s alright. I’ll be right beside you.”

Crowley glanced up at him. “That’s what I’m worried about.”

Before Aziraphale could ask what Crowley meant, he had opened the door and stepped out into the hall. Aziraphale staid right behind him as they made their way into the living room. All of the lights had been turned on and five people sat around the room, three men and two women. As soon as he and Crowley entered the room, all eyes moved to them. A blonde woman who sat on the couch narrowed her eyes at them.

“I didn’t know you were home Anthony. Who’s this.”

By the way Crowley stiffened when she spoke to him, Aziraphale guessed this was his mother. He stepped forward and gave her his best smile.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Crow- Anthony’s friend, Aziraphale.”

One of the men snorted. “He looks like a fairy to me.”

The others chuckled. Crowley’s hands balled into fist and he stepped towards the man. “Disrespect him again and she how easy it to laugh with a broken jaw.”

The man leapt up from his seat on the couch, obviously ready for a fight. “Bring it pretty boy, I’ll knock your ass into next week.”

Before a fight could break out, Crowley’s mother stood up. “Sit down Mike. It’s not worth it. Anthony, take your friend and go.”

Crowley glared at her but seemed to decide that was the best course of action. He took Aziraphale firmly by the arm and they began to move towards the door when Mike called out.

“See you later fags.”

Before Aziraphale could stop him, Crowley had spun back around and was in Mikes face.

“You know what? Fuck you! Yeah, we are gay. So fucking what? At least I don’t look like a God damn Neanderthal fucked a ferret and shit me out like you, you fucking-“

Before he could finish his sentence, Mike took a wide swing right for his head. Aziraphale let out a yelp as Crowley ducked the swing and upcut into his jaw. The other two men in the room leapt up and made a grab for Crowley, so he swung a fist into the shorter mans temple and thrust his elbow into the others stomach. Mike had recovered by then, and made to hit Crowley, but his mother shoved him away.

“Get the fuck out of here Anthony! What’s wrong with you? Can’t you be normal for once in your fucking life? Take your gay friend and leave!”

Aziraphale, who was practically hyperventilating by this point, grabbed Crowley by the back of his shirt and practically dragged him from the house. Crowley managed to get his jacket from beside the door before it shut firmly behind them. The cold of the night air encompassed them, but Aziraphale hardly felt it. Adrenaline was still coursing through his veins and his heart rate pounded painfully in his chest. Crowley stormed away from him towards his car, then turned back, his face twisted into a mix of fury and pain. Aziraphale was silent as he paced. He had never seen Crowley like this before. It always seemed like the things people said didn’t affect him, but apparently when his mother was concerned it was different. With a cry of fury, Crowley slammed his fist into the side of his Bentley.

“Crowley! Dear, please calm down. I don’t need you breaking your hand.”

Crowley shook his head, his eyes screwed up tight. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have had to see that. Come on, let me drive you home.”

Aziraphale walked towards him slowly and placed his hand on his arm. “Crowley, I don’t think you are in any condition to drive. Come on, let’s take a walk until you calm down.”

For a moment it looked like Crowley was going to argue, but then his shoulders sagged, and he nodded. “Alright. Fine.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets and began to walk down the sidewalk, Aziraphale rushing to keep up. They didn’t say anything for several minutes. Their breath came out in huffs of mist around them, the cold air burning Aziraphale’s throat and stinging his eyes. When Crowley finally spoke, his voice was quiet.

“So, this is my life. Impressed with what you see?”

Aziraphale frowned. “Crowley, I don’t care where you’re from.”

Crowley scoffed. “Of course you do. You come from a stable family in a nice house and good money. I come from trash.”

Aziraphale stopped and grabbed Crowley’s arm. “Stop that! I already knew you didn’t come from a privileged life! I have never judged you for that.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a bit different hearing about it and seeing it. Look, if you don’t want to be with me anymore I get it. I wouldn’t want to be involved in this crap either if I had the choice.” Crowley looked away, his face bitter and resentful.

Aziraphale reached up and forcefully turned Crowley’s faces towards his. “I know what you’re doing and it isn’t going to work. I know that you’re hurt and your trying to push me away, but I’m not leaving. When I said I love you I didn’t mean just for the moment or for the week. I will love you no matter what. Whether that’s poor and living in a shack or living in a penthouse in London, I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me.”

Crowley’s eyes searched his, as though looking for any ounce of insincerity. When he didn’t find any, the angry mask broke and was replaced by a look of pure heart break. He let out a shuddering breath and threw his arms around him, burying his face in Aziraphale’s neck.

“I’m sorry Angel. I didn’t mean to take anything out on you. Of course I know that you love me.”

Aziraphale closed his eyes and hugged him tightly back. He knew Crowley had issues. He had known it from the start and he knew what he was getting into. He would work through all of it with him, for as long as he needed.

“Well, isn’t that sweet.”

At the sound of the strange voice, Aziraphale pulled away from Crowley. In a matter of moments, Crowley’s entire demeanor changed. His vulnerable and sad face transformed into one of rage and surprise, and he immediately moved to stand between Aziraphale and the two men who stood a few feet away. One was unbelievably pale, even in the darkness of the street. The other was dark skinned, though his eyes held an unhealthy tint of yellow. Crowley’s whole body was tensed in front of him.

“Hastur. Ligur. What the hell do you want?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh. What do these two want? Let me know what you think and if you are still interested in this fic! Thank you so much!


	20. Chapter 20

The light of a cigarette illuminated Hastur’s face. Crowley watched as he took a long drag.

“You know what we want Crowley. You’ve been avoiding us, so we figured we would stop by while you were with your little friend.”

Crowley’s entire body felt like it was one bundle of nerves, all on the brink of coming undone. He could take them if they attacked, but that left the risk of Aziraphale getting hurt, and that was not an option.

“I already gave you my answer. I told you to leave me alone.”

Ligur shook his head. “Bee didn’t like that answer very much.”

Crowley felt Aziraphale’s hand wrap around his wrist. “Crowley, do you know these gentlemen?”

Crowley clenched his jaw. “Aziraphale, these are some of my former… colleagues.”

“Ah.” Aziraphale’s voice shook slightly. “I see. Well, gentleman, Crowley is not interested in rejoining your… organization.”

Hastur snickered. “If you know what’s good for you pansy boy, you’ll stay out of this. Wouldn’t want to dirty your pretty manicured hands. This doesn’t concern you.”

Aziraphale stepped around Crowley to stand beside him, but Crowley shifted so that his body was still between him and the thugs.

“I can assure you that anything involving Crowley does concern me.”

Hastur ignored him and looked to Crowley. “Does he know? Does he know what you did?”

Aziraphale lifted his chin indignantly. “Yes, I do. Crowley has told me that he was in your little gang. He did what he had to in order to survive.”

A sickly smile crossed Ligur’s face. “But do you really _know_ what he’s done?”

Crowley had enough. He took a step towards them, his hands balled into fists. “Shut up. Leave, now, before I have to make you.”

But Ligur and Hastur didn’t seem fazed. Their smiles remained on their faces. Ligur’s eyes were still on Aziraphale.

“Do you know what he did for us? What he enjoyed doing?”

Aziraphale shook his head. “I don’t care.”

“No?” Hastur raised an eyebrow. “Not even if he hurt people? If he killed people?”

This time Aziraphale didn’t answer. A sweat had broken out on the back of Crowley’s neck despite the cold. He knew his hands were shaking badly and his mouth had gone very dry. He glanced behind his shoulder to Aziraphale.

He looked less confident now, his brows furrowed and his eyes wide. He met Crowley’s gaze, his eyes filled with questions and worry. Crowley wasn’t sure what his own face looked like, but it seemed to confirm what Hastur had said. He took a deep breath and looked back to the pair.

“You have until the count of three to leave.”

“Or what?” Ligur laughed. “You’re unarmed and outnumbered. I doubt the pansy can defend himself.”

“I’ve taken you both before. I can do it again.”

Hastur nodded. “That’s true. But you haven’t taken all of us.”

The sound of footsteps behind them made Crowley turn. Two more people descended from the shadows. Dagun and a young man he didn’t know stood several feet away. Crowley moved swiftly so that he was standing with the two groups on either side of him and Aziraphale behind him. Alright, now he was worried. Because he was in fact unarmed. He didn’t care what they did to him, he had been in the hospital before. But if they hurt Aziraphale, or took him, there was nothing he could do to stop them.

“Don’t do this Hastur. You don’t want a war on your hands.”

Hastur threw back his head and laughed. “A war? What, you against all of us? Not much of a war so much as a suicide mission. Look, Bee said they don’t need you to come back for good. Just do one job, and that’ll be it.”

Crowley scoffed. “Yeah, right. And then another job after that and then another. You’ll never let me go.”

Hastur placed a hand on his heart and raised his other. “Scouts honor. Bee wants you to come see her. But as some insurance, unfortunately, we have to take your boyfriend.”

Crowley’s stomach twisted and he heard Aziraphale let out a whimper. He clenched his jaw. “No. I won’t let you touch him.”

“Don’t worry.” Ligur smirked. “As long as you do as you’re told, we won’t hurt him. Much.”

Crowley reached back and took Aziraphale’s hand. Aziraphale’s eyes met his and he saw they were filled with pure terror. This wasn’t his world.

“Alright fine, I’ll come with you.”

“Crowley!” Aziraphale cried. “No, you can’t.”

“It’s ok, Aziraphale.” He looked him in the eyes. “Do you trust me?”

Aziraphale’s lips quivered, but he nodded. Crowley tightened his grip on his hand and smiled.

“Good. Bentley, now.”

Without waiting to see if he had understood, he ran straight for Hastur and Ligur. The look of shock on their faces indicated they had not expected this turn of events. He still held Aziraphale’s hand firmly in his and was glad to find Aziraphale running along beside him. Ligur leapt out of the way, so as to not be bowled over, but Hastur made an attempt to grab Crowley. He got an elbow to the nose for his troubles.

They ran past the pair and made their way to the Bentley. Crowley ran to the driver’s side and threw open the door, and by the time he was seated Aziraphale was already buckled in. He shoved the key in and a moment later they took off. Crowley glanced at the rearview mirror to see the four figures still standing on the curb.

Crowley didn’t look at Aziraphale as he raced down street after street. He couldn’t. He new how he would be looking at him. After a long time, Aziraphale finally spoke.

“Aren’t you going to take me home?”

Crowley screwed up his face. “Angel, I can’t. They probably know where you live. It’s too dangerous.”

Aziraphale was silent for a moment, and then, “Stop the car.”

Crowley continued to drive wildly down the roads.

“I said stop the car!” Aziraphale shouted. “Right now Crowley!”

Crowley had never heard Aziraphale shout before. The sound made his heart clench, and tears pricked at the back of his eyes. He did as he was told and pulled over to the side of the road. He expected Aziraphale to get out. Instead, they fell into silence. When Crowley finally looked at Aziraphale, he saw that he was shaking and had tears on his cheeks.

“Aziraphale, I’m so sorry.”

“Crowley, if they know where I live, I have to go home. My parents are there.”

Crowley shook his head. “They won’t go after your parent Aziraphale. They won’t think them important enough to me. They’ll be fine, I promise.”

Aziraphale smacked his hands down on his thighs. “You don’t get to promise me anything! You promised you were out of that gang!”

“I am out!”

“But you knew they wanted you back?”

For a long moment, Crowley was silent. “I suspected it. I hoped they would leave me alone. Aziraphale, please. I never meant to bring you into this. I just thought for once in my life I could have something nice. I have never been loved before, not like how you love me. And I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. I would die for you Aziraphale.”

“I don’t want you to die for me! I want you to live! I fully expected to live out my life alone until I met you. Do you think if I lost you, I could ever love again?”

Crowley reached out and cupped Aziraphale’s tear streaked face in his hands. “Aziraphale, listen to me. I’m going to fix this. I promise. I won’t ever let anything happen to you.”

Aziraphale stared into his eyes. “What are you going to do? You can’t go back to working for them.”

Crowley shook his head. “No, I can’t. I need you to lay low tomorrow and possibly the next day. Can you do that? Tell your parents you’re staying at Anathema’s house or something. I’ll take you somewhere secure.”

“And then what?”

Crowley let out a sigh and closed his eyes. “Bee only speaks one language. Money. And I only know one person with enough money to fix this for me.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is a bit of a short transitional chapter, but I hope you like it. Also, I was re-reading all the comments from previous chapters and I just wanted to say thank you. The Good Omens community is seriously the best community I've ever been apart of. All of your comments are so freaking nice and motivational. Anyways, thanks, and I hope you enjoy!

Aziraphale stood in the middle of the dimly lit one room flat. A double bed was pushed against one wall, with the other wall being taken up completely buy a tiny kitchen and bathroom.

Crowley moved around the space, turning on the heater by the window and setting down Aziraphale’s backpack. “I know it isn’t much, but I only have this in case of an emergency. Which this is.”

Aziraphale pressed his lips together and didn’t say anything. He walked to the window and looked down at the empty street below. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t turn.

“I’m so sorry for this angel. I promise I’m going to fix all of this.”

“What if you can’t?” He turned his head slightly to look at Crowley. “What if they don’t accept your bribe? What will you do then?”

Crowley seemed to consider it. “I guess I would have to leave. For a little while. Maybe go to another country and lay low for a while.”

Aziraphale turned away again, trying to hide the pain on his face. “And what about me? You would just leave me to deal with it?”

A silence hung in the air for several moments. “Would you come with me?”

Aziraphale finally turned to fully face him. “I can’t just leave the country Crowley! I have to finish school. And then I have to go to university. I have a life here and I can’t throw it all away just because my boyfriend is an ex-gang member!”

Crowley flinched and look genuinely hurt. “Aziraphale, I don’t know what you want me to do! If I could change the past I would! But as that’s not an option I’m doing everything in my power to fix this!”

“Well what if that’s not enough? What if you can’t fix this?”

Anger flashed in Crowley’s eyes. “Hey, I told you about my past! You knew everything about me and still you said you accepted me. If it was too much maybe you should have just stayed away!”

“Do I know everything though?” Aziraphale asked, his voice rising. “I didn’t know that you killed people! And I accepted it when I thought you were out!”

A humorless laugh escaped Crowley’s lips. “Oh, I see how it is. It’s all ok when it’s just a fun, exciting backstory for me. But when you see that it’s my life it’s too much for you. Well guess what angel? This is my life! If it’s too much for you then you don’t need to be apart of it!”

Aziraphale felt like he had been slapped, but he was too angry to slow down. “Maybe I won’t be!”

“Fine!” Crowley stomped away from him to the door. He stopped with his back to him. When he spoke, he just sounded tired. “I’ll call you when the coast is clear. If I don’t call with in forty-eight hours, you can go home. Because I’ll probably be dead, and they won’t have any use for you.”

With that, he slammed the door behind him and was gone. With Crowley’s exit, all the anger in Aziraphale dissipated and was replaced by a cold dread. Aziraphale sank onto the bed, his arms wrapped around himself and a chill taking over his body despite the heater.

He wanted to run after Crowley. He wasn’t angry at him, not really. He was frightened. But with the sudden thought that Crowley might not return, the idea that the last thing he said to him was in anger terrified him. He allowed a sob to escape his lips, and then another. He laid down on the bed, the tears and emptiness of the flat consuming him.

#

Crowley knew he shouldn’t be driving like this. His hands shook so bad that he could barely hold the steering wheel. He felt like the world around him was falling apart. When he finally reached his destination, he cut the engine off and placed his forehead on the steering wheel.

He should have known this would happen. He should have known that this would be too much for Aziraphale. This always happened with people. They were there for the fun times, when things were happy and going well. But as soon as things got hard, they left. Why would Aziraphale be different?

_Because he is different, _a small voice in his head said.

No, obviously he isn’t. He said it himself. He doesn’t want to stick around.

_He’s afraid. He doesn’t mean it. This is Aziraphale. Soft, sweet, loving Aziraphale. He loves you._

Maybe that isn’t enough. Maybe love isn’t all that’s needed. He pressed the palms of his hands to eyes, as though willing the tears to stop. Either way, it didn’t matter. He would protect Aziraphale no matter what he decided to do. He would protect him for the rest of his life if he could. Because he loved Aziraphale with every fiber of his being. And he wanted him to be safe. If that meant not being with him, then so be it. He slammed his hand on the steering wheel. He wished that he could just miracle all of this away, just make Bee forget about him. But he didn’t have that power. So instead, he would do the one thing he had sworn to himself he would never do.

He looked out the window at the massive house. Its windows were all dark and empty, like a body with no soul in it. Everything in Crowley told him to drive away. To think of another way to get the money or to get out of this mess. This wasn’t worth it. But even as those thoughts filled his head, the image of Aziraphale overrode them. Aziraphale with his big trusting eyes who looked up at him so much fear and worry.

So, with a deep breath, Crowley got out of the car and approached the front door of the house. He felt like a prisoner walking to his execution. He stood on the doormat, trying to slow his pounding heart, and then rang the doorbell. After several seconds with no answer, he rang again. Lights flicked on inside the house, and a moment later he heard bustling behind the door. He held his breath as the door swung open to reveal a middle-aged man with dark red hair in a silk robe. 

Crowley set his jaw. “Hey, dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst train guys. It honestly hurts me to put my boys through pain. We'll have to see how things go with Crowley's dad next chapter! Comments are super appreciated and motivational!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm aware it has been awhile, but I have not and will not abandon my fics. On a plus note, there will be updates on Basophobia and Paper Wings tomorrow! So yay for more content, even if it is spread over three very different fics.

“Anthony?” his father asked rubbing his eyes. “What are you doing here? It’s nearly two in the morning.”

Crowley shoved his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, I know what time it is. I had to come talk to you.”

“Can it wait until morning? I have to-“

“No!” Crowley snapped. He clenched his fists in his pockets. He had to keep this under control. It would do him no good to start screaming at the man in front of him, not if he wanted him to do what he asked. “No, it’s important. I need to talk to you now.”

His father stared at him from under a lowered brow, then nodded. “Alright, come in.”

Crowley walked over the threshold as his father stepped back. A massive staircase stood ahead of him, curling its way up to a second floor. Above him hung a twinkling chandelier of crystals. He had never been here before, had never had the desire to see the world his father had abandoned him for.

“Please, come into the sitting room,” his father said, motioning to the darkened room to the left.

Crowley followed slowly, watching as his father turned on a lamp and sat on a plush cream-colored sofa. Crowley shifted from one foot to the other, eyes dancing around the room.

“Anthony,” his father’s voice cut through his frantic state, “please, sit. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Crowley dropped onto the couch across from his father, his hands clasped tightly in front of him. It was best to get this over with. “I need money.”

His father raised his eyebrows. “Money? This really couldn’t have waited until tomorrow?”

“No.”

He sighed and crossed his arms. “How much?”

Crowley had thought about this, trying to determine how much would get Bee to leave him alone for a little while. “Ten thousand pounds.”

His father’s eyes widened and he sat forward. “Ten thousand? What on Earth do you need that much money for?”

“That isn’t important.”

“It most certainly is important!” his father said, shaking his head. “If I’m going to give you that much money then I need to know what it’s for.”

Crowley could feel his patience wearing thin. “I owe it to some people. I have until tomorrow to pay it.”

“Anthony, if this has anything to do with that gang then absolutely not. You can’t pay those sorts of people; they’ll never leave you alone.”

Crowley leapt up. “Yeah, you can leave the lecture out of this. Can you just give me the money?”

His father sighed. “No. Anthony, you need to learn this lesson.”

Crowley felt like fire was suddenly rushing through his veins. He was vaguely aware that he was laughing. “A lesson? You’re going to teach me a lesson? You’re going to sit there on your fancy ass couch in your designer robe and talk to me about lessons? Like my entire fucking life hasn’t been one great big battle to survive?”

“Son, keep your voice down.”

“No!” Crowley shouted. “I won’t! You gave up your right to teach me lessons the day you walked out on me and left me with her!”

His father stood. “Anthony, I’ve tried to apologize for that. I was sure she would take care of you the best she could.”

“Oh yeah? Well it turns out the best she could do was let her shit head boyfriends beat the crap out of me! The only reason I joined a gang to begin with was so that I could survive! That’s your fault!”

“I’m sorry-“

“Sorry isn’t good enough! You left me! I was four! You went off and got rich and got married and left me behind so you could pop out a couple of perfect children.” Crowley was aware that tears were pricking at his eyes.

“I tried to make it right!” his father cried. “I came and found you. I gave you a car and money for clothes. I offered to bring you here and give you a better life.”

“Yeah, when I was fifteen! You waited eleven years. I didn’t need you by that point and I didn’t want you. I hated myself for taking your stupid gifts, but I told myself that it was better than nothing. I have _never _asked you for anything. But I’m asking you now.”

“Anthony, it’s not a good idea-“

“I don’t care! If I don’t get this money, they will kill me! They will kill my boyfriend. And I’ll rob a bank before I let that happen. I’ll let them kill me before I let them hurt him. So you need to decide if you give more of a shit about me or some money.”

His father stood completely still, his eyes searching and sad. “They’ll really kill you?”

Crowley shrugged. “Yeah, that’s kind of what gangs do when you cross them.”

His father pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. Crowley felt the desperation filling his chest, so he stepped forward. “Dad, please. I’ll never ask for anything again. I’ll leave you and your perfect family alone.”

His father opened his eyes. “That’s never been what I wanted Anthony. I want you to be part of my family.”

“David? Is everything alright?”

Crowley turned to see a dark hair woman standing in the door of the sitting room. She also wore an expensive looking robe, and she was looking at them with frightened eyes.

“Lauren, yes, everything’s fine. I’ve told you about my son, Anthony. This is him.”

Some of the fear left Laurens eyes. “Oh, I see. Is something wrong?”

His father walked to her and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Everything is fine dear. Go back to bed, I’ll be up in a bit.”

Lauren nodded, her eyes moving back to Crowley for only a moment before turned and walking up the stairs. When she was gone, his father turned back to him. Without saying a word, he walked across the room to a desk that sat against a wall.

“I assume they don’t take cheques?” He lifted a small metal safe from one of the drawers and pressed a few buttons on the panel until it popped open. Crowley watched as he counted out enough money, then slid it into a large envelope. He walked back to Crowley and handed it over. Crowley grabbed it, but his father held on.

“Anthony, after this I would like for you to come back. Not tomorrow or even next week. Whenever you’re ready. I know this doesn’t begin to make up for what happened, but I want to build some sort of relationship with you.”

Crowley swallowed, then nodded. Now wasn’t the time to argue. He had to get back to Aziraphale. He tucked the envelope into his jacket and walked away without a backwards glance. Once he was in his car, he took several deep breathes. He hadn’t meant to lose control like that. But that didn’t matter now. He had to go to Bee and fix this.

He drove quickly through the streets, his focus entirely on what he would say to Bee when he saw her. But as he drove, something caught his attention. In the distance, the orange light of fire and smoke lit up the sky. Crowley felt as though a boulder had been dropped into his stomach. It couldn’t be.

He turned the car violently at his next left, speeding in the direction of the fire. There was no way it could be where Aziraphale was. Why would their building be on fire? They couldn’t have found him. It had to be another building. But as he turned the corner onto the street of his building, his worry turned into terror. The entire five story building of his flat was on fire. Fire trucks and people surrounded the area, with firemen battling the raging flames.

Crowley leapt from the Bentley and raced up to the building. Before he could get close, however, the arms of several cops pulled him to a stop.

“Hey, son, calm down! You can’t go in there!”

“Let go of me!” Crowley screamed. “He’s in there! Aziraphale! Aziraphale! Please, my boyfriend is in there! Angel!”

But the arms didn’t let go. “Son, I need you to calm down! The professionals are doing everything they can to get everyone out.”

Crowley sank to his knees. This was his fault. He had brought Aziraphale into this, and now he was dead. They had somehow found him and killed him. He had seen this done before, back when he was with them. They set these fires so that all evidence of their crime would be burned away. He stood as though he were in a dream. He was vaguely aware of the officers yelling something to him, but he wasn’t listening. He walked back to the Bentley in a trance. They had killed him. They took his angel from him. And now, he was going to take everything from them. He wasn’t going to live past tonight, but he found he didn’t care, because neither would they. They wanted the old him back, well they were going to get it. They would see what happens when a demon has nothing to lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I manged to get the fire into this fic, because I like the angst. Comments are appreciated and motivational! I will try to make my updates more frequent!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Believing Aziraphale is dead, Crowley goes to seek revenge on Bee and her gang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so sorry for the delay. With the holidays and a new job it was very difficult to find writing time. But the next chapter is already half written, so it should be up shortly! I hope you like this chapter!

Aziraphale blinked in the dim light of the room. He groaned and rolled over, trying to remember where he was. He was in a small room with a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling and he was laying on a small mattress on the floor. As the memories flooded back to him, he shot upright. This turned out to be a mistake. He flopped back down with a cry of anguish as his head pulsed horribly.

He had been moving around the small kitchen in the flat, making some tea to make himself feel better. Crowley had only left him there thirty minutes before, and not crying was proving to be a terrible challenge. He hated the things he had said to Crowley. He prayed with everything that he had that Crowley would come back.

The sound of the door being kicked in had startled him enough to drop the towel he was holding onto the stove, which immediately caught fire and curled with flames. Two men had stridden in around the splintered wood, the two men who had threatened them earlier that night. The fear that had gripped Aziraphale’s heart had been enough to nearly choke him, but he had put on a brave face, just as Crowley would. Crowley would want him to be brave.

“Get out of here you thugs! Crowley isn’t here!”

The pale skinned one had smiled a horrible smile. “Oh, we know. We aren’t here for him.”

The next thing Aziraphale remembered was being hit over the head, and then darkness. And now here he was, in a dark room on a dirty mattress. He swallowed the terror that threatened to rise in his throat. He would be ok. He had to be. Crowley would come for him. Unless…

A series of horrible scenarios flashed through his head. What if they already had Crowley? What if they had captured him before coming for him? What if he was being tortured at that very moment? Or…

What if Crowley just didn’t come for him? What if he decided that he just isn’t worth it? Why would he risk his life for someone who had said such terrible things to him? Someone who valued completing school over his own safety.

Aziraphale pulled his knees up to his chest. If it were between those two options, he hoped it was the latter. He didn’t want Crowley in danger, even if it cost him his life. He would rather die alone than lose Crowley as well. He choked on a broken sob.

Just then the door flew open. Aziraphale let out a gasped and pushed his back against the wall. The person that strode in was not who he had expected. When Crowley had described Bee, some great crime boss, he had been imagining a large and intimidating woman. Maybe someone with tattoos. But the woman who stood before him could never be described as large. She was maybe five feet tall, with a dark mop of hair hanging around her head. Dark eyes looked down at him with malice.

“You can’t be serious,” she drawled. “This is him?”

The pale skinned thug walked in behind her. “Yeah, we couldn’t believe it either. But this is him.”

Bee dragged a chair in behind her and set it so that she was sitting in front of Aziraphale. “So, you’re the one to tame the great Crowley.”

Aziraphale swallowed. “I wouldn’t say that. It’s not as if he’s a wild animal.”

A nasty smirk pulled at her lips. “I think you and I know a very different Crowley’s. So, tell me, what exactly does he see in you?”

He frowned. “I don’t know.”

“But he does care for you?” she pushed.

He looked down. “Perhaps you should ask him that.”

She nodded. “Oh, I plan to. I’m very curious about why Crowley, who was known for being ruthless and careful, would fall for such a pudgy little nobody like you.”

Aziraphale felt a flame light up inside his chest. These people didn’t even know him! “You don’t know anything about him! He’s not like you.”

She let out a sharp bark of laughter. “He’s exactly like us. He’s just as much a monster as I have ever been.”

He shook his head, his heart resolute. “No. He left. He wants to be better. You’re the one who is trying to force him back into this horrible life. He will come for me.”

A sneer pulled at her lip. “Oh, I’m counting on that. And when he does, when he comes and begs for us to give you back, we’ll give him our terms. As long as he stays in line and does what we say, you’ll be safe. If he doesn’t, if he doesn’t obey, you die.”

Aziraphale’s mouth felt dry. He couldn’t let that happen. He wouldn’t be the reason Crowley was forced back into this life. And he knew, in that moment with perfect clarity, that he would go with him. He would run away to whatever country Crowley took him to without a second thought. It would be difficult, but as long as he had Crowley, he would be fine.

“I won’t let you control him.” He was surprised by the steel in his voice.

Bee raised an eyebrow and leaned forward on her knees. “And how exactly do you plan on-“

Before she could finish her sentence, the sound of shouting and gun fire rang out above them. She jumped up and turned to Hastur, who was staring open mouthed at the ceiling.

“What the fuck is that?”

He shook his head. “No idea.”

Bee threw one last glance at Aziraphale, then raced out the door with Hastur on her heels. Once the doors were locked once again, Aziraphale fell back against the wall. He was sure that was gun fire he heard. But who could…

The horrible idea formed in his mind. Had Crowley come for him, guns blazing? Why would he do that? Something so reckless would surely get him killed. He closed his eyes and pressed his face to his knees. He had never wanted someone to be harmed before, but he prayed that if Crowley really had come for him like a one-man army, that he would be to one to come out victorious.

* * *

Gravel rained out behind the Bentley as Crowley slid to a stop outside the warehouse that Bee operated out of. He didn’t have a plan. He didn’t need one. They had taken the one good thing in his life, the one person he loved. He would take out as many of them as he could, and then he would die. He couldn’t go on living knowing he was the cause of Aziraphale’s death. Aziraphale, a beacon on light and goodness, had been extinguished because he had gotten too close to Crowley.

_“You’re broken, and that’s why you destroy everything and everyone you get close to.”_

Huh. He supposed his mother was right after all. He stepped out of the car and gripped the gun in his hand. Seven bullets. That’s all he had. He already knew where three of them would go. As he approached the door, he realized he should be feeling something right now. Adrenaline should be coursing through his body, his heart should be racing, he should possibly be afraid. But he wasn’t. He felt nothing. Just a desire for it be done. Maybe a little bit of anticipation to see the look on Bee’s face when she realized her plan had backfired. But mostly he was just tired.

Tired of a life that had given him nothing but pain. Even when he had tried to do the right thing, suffering was all that was in store for him. He had left the gang; he had tried to make peace. He had fallen in love. And where did that get him? Where did that get Aziraphale?

He choked back a sob. No, he couldn’t do that yet. Not here, not now. If he left here alive, which he knew he wouldn’t, then he could break down. But for now, he had a job to get done. They needed to pay for what they did to Aziraphale.

The moment he kicked in the door, people were moving. Two people near the door leapt up and drew weapons. He fired off a shot but missed as they fired back. He ducked behind a metal piping unit. The two gang members were shouting at each other.

“Is that Crowley?”

“Yes!”

“What the fuck is he doing? Bee said he would come but she never mentioned he would attack!”

“I don’t fucking know! Go get her!”

He peeked around the corner as he heard footsteps running away. Bee had seriously thought he would come to talk after they killed his boyfriend? Did she truly think he was such a heartless monster that this could be solved amicably? She hadn’t believed he would come for her.

He could see the other person from where they were tucked behind the desk. He only had six bullets left, and he needed to get to Bee without using as many as possible.

“I assume you’ve heard about me?”

A moment of silence, and then “I have.”

“So then you know you don’t want to get into this fight with me. I will win. I’m only here for Bee, Hastur, and Ligur. Walk away now and you can be out of this.”

More silence. Crowley thought that they weren’t going to answer, but then, “She’ll kill me if I walk away.”

“Not if I kill her first.”

Another beat. “And you’ll just let me walk out?”

“I’m not here for you.”

A deep breath. “Yeah, alright. How do I know you won’t just kill me the moment I move?”

“I guess you’ll just have to believe that I’m after bigger fish.”

He heard movement after a moment a looked out. A tall, dark skinned teenager climbed out from being the desk. He had to be younger than Crowley, no more than sixteen likely. He scurried towards the door, but before he could disappear Crowley’s voice stopped him.

“Hey kid. Don’t come back to this life. It will only lead to misery and death.”

The teen looked back, his face etched with fear, and nodded. Once Crowley was sure they were gone, he moved from his spot to the larger open space where he knew Bee would be. Sure enough, as he stepped through the doorway, he spotted her. She was flanked by Hastur and Ligur. Perfect. They were all in one place. He raised the gun, but Bee’s voice stopped him.

“What the hell are you doing Crowley? Have you lost your mind?”

He gritted his teeth, fury roiling through him. “You honestly thought you could take him from me, and I would do nothing? After everything you’ve seen me do?”

She narrowed her eyes. “And you thought this was the best plan of action? You will never get out of here alive, not with him.”

He frowned. “What the hell are you talking about? With who?”

She was staring at him as though he had lost his mind. “With your little boyfriend. He’s no fighter.”

Crowley’s mind felt like it was working in slow motion. What was she talking about? Aziraphale was dead… wasn’t he?”

“Aziraphale… he’s…”

Realization dawned on her face. “You thought we had killed him, and you came here for revenge.” She let out a snort. “Well, he’s not dead. But he will be unless you lower your weapon.”

Crowley was barely listening to her. Aziraphale wasn’t dead? How could that be possible? It had to be a trick. But why?

He straightened up and pointed the gun directly at her head. “Bring him to me. Prove that he’s still alive or I’ll end this here and now.”

An ugly sneer pulled at her lip. “You wouldn’t dare. If you kill me, they’ll never let you leave.”

He tightened his finger. “If he’s dead, I have no plans of leaving this place.”

She seemed to see something in his face that convinced her, as he saw her eyes widen a fraction. She turned her head slightly towards Hastur. “Go get him. Bring him up here.”

Hastur didn’t need to be told twice as he scurried off towards one of the doors. A silence stretched in the space between them. Crowley realized his hand was shaking. He couldn’t let himself believe it. This had to be a trick. Hastur must have run off to get reinforcements. Aziraphale couldn’t be-

His thoughts were stopped in their tracks the moment he saw him. Aziraphale stumbled through the doorway, a bloody mark on his forehead but otherwise looking fine. He wasn’t dead. Crowley felt as though up until that moment his world had stopped spinning, and now was suddenly hurtling through space once more. He chocked back a broken sob when he made eye contact with Aziraphale.

Aziraphale’s face broke out into relief, and then morphed into fear. His eyes darted between Crowley and Bee.

“You see, he’s alive. Now lower your gun so we can discuss this.”

Crowley took a deep breath, worried that his voice would shake. He was pleased to find when he spoke it was without a quiver.

“No, that’s not what’s going to happen. You’re going to give him to me, and we are going to leave. Then you are going to leave us alone and never bother us again.”

She gave him a twisted smile. “And why would I do that?”

He looked her dead in the eye. “Because if you don’t, I won’t miss. And if you send someone after us, I will kill them and then hunt you down. I am done with this, all of it. But if you push me, I will not hesitate to burn all of you to the ground. If you are so convinced that I am your enemy, then I will be it.”

Bee looked like she was chewing on her tongue. Then, with a look like she tasted acid, motioned towards Hastur.

“Let him go.”

The moment Aziraphale was released, he ran to Crowley and gripped his arm. Crowley swallowed hard against the emotion that rose up within him. Aziraphale was traumatized and frightened. Once they got out of here, Aziraphale would probably never want to see him again. Aziraphale was soft and gentle. This world wasn’t meant for him, and he would see him safely delivered from it before leaving him.

He backed away with Aziraphale behind him until the reached the door. Then, taking Aziraphale’s hand in his, began to run towards the exit. Aziraphale kept up with surprising ease. They burst out of the door and into the early morning light. Crowley had thought he would never see a sunrise again. They leapt into the Bentley and Crowley began to drive at a ridiculous speed away from the warehouse. The only thought on his mind was that he needed to get Aziraphale to safety. Once he was sure he would be fine, he would leave, and he would never put Aziraphale in harms way again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're beautiful comments have kept me going on this fic, and I promise I will continue until it is finished! Let me know what you think of this chapter!


	24. Chapter 24

He didn’t say a word as he drove, he couldn’t. What could he say? I’m sorry that it’s my fault you got kidnapped and beat? I’m sorry that I dragged you into this world of shit and pain? Aziraphale hadn’t said anything either, his eyes distant as he stared out the window. Crowley wouldn’t be surprised if he hated him now. It would be what he deserved. He had been given the chance to be happy, to have someone so pure and perfect love him in return, and what had he done? He’d let it fall to shit.

He realized after twenty minutes that he had no idea where he was driving. He couldn’t take Aziraphale back to his house, not looking like he did. His own house was out, as his mother would likely be there. His eyes landed on a motel.

“Do you… do you mind if we stop here? You can wash off before I take you home.”

Aziraphale looked at him, and then nodded his head. Crowley pulled into the motel and parked around the back.

“Just wait here, I’ll go get us a room.”

“No!” Aziraphale said quickly. “No, let me come with you.”

Crowley recognized the tone of his voice. He was still afraid. He didn’t want to be alone.

“Ang- Aziraphale, you look a mess. If they see you, they may call the police.”

Aziraphale blinked in alarm and looked in the mirror. “Oh, oh my. I didn’t realize I looked quite so unkept.”

“Yeah, just… just stay here. I’ll be back in a minute, I promise.”

There was still fear in Aziraphale’s eyes, but he nodded. Crowley practically ran to the front of the building and into the office. He paid for a room for one night and then made his way back to the car. Even from a distance he saw the relief that washed over Aziraphale’s face when he saw him again. It made the ache in Crowley’s chest worse.

He led Aziraphale to the room on the first floor. It was small, with a single queen-sized bed, but it was clean and quiet. Crowley shut the door behind them as Aziraphale made his way to the bed and sat down heavily on it. Crowley watched in silence as Aziraphale pressed his face into his palms and rubbed slowly up and down, as though that would wipe off the memory of the past day.

Crowley walked to the bathroom and pulled a washcloth off the counter and ran it under cold water before going back to Aziraphale. He stood in front of him and held out the cloth.

“Um, here. For your head. The blood looks like it’s caked on.”

Aziraphale blinked slowly, looking from the cloth and back to Crowley. “Could you do it for me? I can’t see where the blood is.”

Crowley let out a shaky breath, then nodded. He could do this one last thing for him. He owed it to him, just like he owed it to him to leave and never see him again when this was all over. He sat on the bed and it sunk beneath his weight. He pressed the cloth as gently as he could to the area with the most blood, but Aziraphale still winced away from it.

“Sorry.”

“S’okay.”

He wiped until all the blood was gone and only a bruise remained. Without thinking, he allowed for his thumb to brush gently along his hairline, tracing the outline of the bruise. It would stand out against his pale skin and white blond hair. He swallowed and closed his eyes.

“I’m so sorry for all of this Aziraphale.”

Aziraphale shook his head. “No, my dear, it’s fine-“

“It’s not fine!” Crowley cried as he leapt up. Aziraphale flinched back, but Crowley didn’t notice. “None of this is fine! They came after you. They hurt you! Because of me. Being near me put you into danger. I knew something like this would happen, but I was selfish. So fucking selfish. I was so desperate for you to love me that I put my own needs before your health and safety. I thought I could have a normal life, but I was wrong.”

“No, Crowley, none of this is your fault! This was all them. You did everything you could.”

Crowley shoved his hands into his hair, gripping it tightly. “And yet it wasn’t enough. Nothing I do is ever enough. You deserve better than this.”

He realized Aziraphale had stood and was trying to get him to look at him, his hands pulling at Crowley’s shirt. “No, no my dear. Please don’t say that. You are enough.”

“No!” The word choked out of him, half a sob. “You see, you’re too good. Too good for me. I knew it when I first met you and I ignored it because I’m a selfish piece of shit.”

In the back of his mind he recognized that tears were running down his face, but he could do nothing to stop it. Aziraphale was still trying to hold onto him.

“Crowley, please, look at me. You are not selfish! You came for me! You put yourself in danger to save me!”

Crowley wiped around to face him, his face contorted in anguish. “Aziraphale I thought you were dead! I saw the burned building and I thought they had killed you!”

Aziraphale had finally let him go and was now just staring at him, open mouthed. “But… if you didn’t come for me… then why…?”

The question hung in the air between them, Aziraphale’s eyes searching his as though he would find an answer. Crowley just shook his head.

“Angel, I thought you were dead.”

He watched as Aziraphale’s transformed in horror. “You… Crowley, are you saying that you came to… to what? Kill them? You would have gone to jail! You would have thrown your whole life away!”

Crowley felt like his heart was crumbling. “Angel… at that point I thought my whole life had just been murdered. You are the only life I can imagine having that’s worth living. I wasn’t planning on leaving that building alive.”

Aziraphale lifted a hand to his mouth, tears quivering on pale lashed. Crowley wanted to reach out and wipe them off, but he didn’t dare. Aziraphale would probably never want to touch him again. He was incredibly surprised, then, as Aziraphale stepped forward and wrapped him in his arms. Crowley froze under the tight embrace. Aziraphale was shaking horribly, and Crowley just wanted to comfort him. He returned the embrace, burying his face into the soft curls. After a moment Aziraphale stepped away, and then hit him hard on the arm.

“Don’t you ever be so stupid again, do here me?” he shouted.

Crowley stared at him dumbfounded. “What?”

“I will not have you go around throwing your life away because you feel like being dramatic! Of course you would still have a life even if I wasn’t in it.”

Crowley’s face contorted in disbelief. “How do you figure that? What do I possibly have?”

“Well, you have… your Bentley… and your money, not to mention your good looks. Even if I was gone, you would move on and have a good life.”

Crowley shook his head slow. “Aziraphale, how can you not know this by now? You’re it for me. You’re the best I could even have, more than I could ever deserve. And I’ve ruined it. I’ve lost you.”

Aziraphale frowned. “My dear, I’m right here. You haven’t lost me.”

Crowley sank onto the bed and buried his face into his hands. “You said it yourself back at my flat. This is too much for you. You don’t want to be a part of my life.”

A long moment passed, then Crowley felt gentle hands wrap around his wrists. He peaked through his fingers to see Aziraphale kneeling in front of him, his eyes a stormy grey in the dim lighting of the room.

“Crowley, listen to me. I said those things in anger. I didn’t mean them. Of course I want to be a part of your life. You mean everything to me. Before you, I was just floating through life, hoping to make it day by day. But you changed all of that. You gave me something to look forward to. I finally saw a life that didn’t involve being alone. You are the kindest, most loving, and most wonderful person I have ever met. And if you think I’m going to let some low rate gangsters get in the way of me loving you, you’ve got another thing coming.”

Crowley felt like he was simultaneously falling apart and growing back together all at once. He let out a broken sob, and then he was kissing Aziraphale. He gripped at his collar and pulled him close to him, the taste of tears and blood mixing together in their mouth. Neither of them cared. Aziraphale pushed against Crowley’s chest so that he was flat on his back. The bed creaked under their weight as Aziraphale climbed on top of him, his legs straddling Crowley’s waist.

Crowley couldn’t get enough of him. He wanted everything Aziraphale would give, and at the moment it seemed like that was everything. He felt Aziraphale finger slip beneath the hem of his shirt and slide of his chest. He shuddered at the touch.

Aziraphale leaned back only an inch. “May I please take this off?”

Rather than answer, Crowley surged up once more, capturing his lips and yanking the shirt off as he went. Once his chest was bare, Aziraphale pushed him down and sat up. His pale eyes raked over him hungrily, his hands gripping the skin around his hips.

“Crowley, I want you.”

“You have me.”

A small growl slipped from Aziraphale’s lips that stirred something in him. His erection strained against his jeans and pressed into Aziraphale’s leg. Aziraphale’s bit his lip at the sight.

“I think you know what I mean, my dear, and I think you want the same.”

And dear God, he did. But could this really be what Aziraphale wanted? “Are you sure? Are you sure you want to do this with me?”

A gentle kiss was pressed to his chest, blue eyes flicking up to look at him through thick lashed. “Only with you. Only ever with you.”

The last of Crowley’s restraint snapped. He grabbed at his hips and flipped them over so that Aziraphale was on his back now. He let out a little gasp.

“Then I want _this _off,” he caught the hem of his jumper in his teeth, “now.”

Aziraphale let out a shuttered breath and did as he asked. Once it was off and thrown to the floor, Crowley leaned back to look at him. He had never seen him with his shirt off, and the sight was one he wanted to memorize. The soft roll of his skin was as smooth as butter and Crowley wanted to taste every inch of him. He realized he had been staring for too long when Aziraphale lifted his arms to cover his chest.

“I… I know that I don’t exactly look like you.”

Crowley gently pried his hands away. “No, you don’t. You look much better.”

Aziraphale blushed a soft pink, the color trailing down his chest. Crowley leaned forward and ran his tongue all the way up his sternum, stopping to flick his tongue over a nipple. Aziraphale whimpered. Ah, so he was sensitive. He did it again to the other nipple.

“_Crowley,” _he whined.

“Yes angel?”

“If you don’t take those pants off right now, I’m afraid I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

“Hmm, is that a promise?”

Aziraphale’s hands were already on the button of his jeans. He tried to pry them off, but at the awkward angle it was impossible. Crowley chuckled.

“Here, let me help you with that.” He climbed off the bed and peeled the ridiculously tight jeans off before kicking them away.

“And those,” Aziraphale said, nodding to his underpants.

Crowley smirked. “As you wish.”

He tossed them into the same pile as his jeans. Aziraphale remained where he laid on the bed, held up by his elbows, as his eyes moved over Crowley’s body. It took some effort for Crowley to not cover himself up. He knew the scars on his stomach and chest were glaringly visible on his pale skin. But he remained as still as possible, letting Aziraphale see every part of him. After a moment, Aziraphale let out a breath.

“My dear, you are simply the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

Crowley couldn’t help but to laugh a little. “What a coincidence.” He took the two steps back to Aziraphale and draped himself over him. “Your turn.”

Crowley gripped the tops of his tan pants and pulled them down. He had already seen Aziraphale’s bare erection, had already had the taste of him in his mouth, but there was something different about seeing him completely naked. He looked like a damn renaissance painting. So pale and soft and beautiful. Pure and perfect.

“Aziraphale, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” Aziraphale insisted.

“Angel, we don’t have any lube. I told you I want your first time to be perfect, and I meant that.”

That stubborn little pout that Crowley so loved pulled at his bottom lip. “But _Crowley! _I want you.”

Crowley chuckled. “Such a spoiled little angel, aren’t you?”

A devious smirk played across his face. He reached up with one hand and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him down by the scruff of his hair. Crowley inhaled sharply as Aziraphale spoke directly into his ear. “And what are you going to do about that, you wicked demon?”

A shiver that had nothing to do with the cold ran across his body. Where had his angel learned _that?_

“Don’t worry, there are other ways for me to make you fall apart.”

He caught Aziraphale’s bottom lip between his teeth and pulled as he rubbed the length of his cock up Aziraphale’s. The friction made them both shudder. Crowley reached between them and wrapped his long fingers around both of their members. As he worked his hand up and down, he used his thumb to rub across the head of Aziraphale’s cock, allowing the drops of precum that had accumulated there to slick his hand. Aziraphale cried out and dug his nails into Crowley’s back.

“You like that, angel?”

Aziraphale squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. “Don’t stop my love, please don’t stop.”

Crowley almost came right then and there, hearing that term of endearment in such an intimate setting. “No, I won’t. Never.”

Aziraphale began to thrust up into his fist, the tip of his cock sliding against Crowley’s. “Oh, my dear, you’re so good. So lovely and perfect. You take care of me so well.”

Crowley couldn’t have helped the whimper he let out if he tried. The tenderness of Aziraphale’s voice cracked his heart right in two. He pressed his face into Aziraphale’s shoulder.

“No, I’m- I’m not. Not good.”

Aziraphale groaned as Crowley changed up the pace, going faster and squeezing a bit tighter.

“Oh, but you are. You are kind and- ah! God, are so perfect. Perfect for me. I love you, I’ll always love you.”

Crowley bit down on a sob as he came. Aziraphale followed quickly after him, tossing his head back and gripping his shoulder tightly. When they were both spent, Crowley felt the strength go out of him. He collapsed onto his side beside Aziraphale. They both laid there for a long moment breathing heavily, then Aziraphale turned to him.

“Come here, my dear.”

Crowley had no strength left to fight that demand. He pulled himself up and tucked his face against the crook of Aziraphale’s neck and wrapped his arm around his chest. Aziraphale snuggled into his warmth and began to slowly card his fingers through Crowley’s hair. He felt like this moment was delicate and could break if he said a word, but his treacherous mouth didn’t care.

“Did you mean it?”

Aziraphale hummed sleepily. “Mean what, dear?”

“That’s you’ll always love me?”

He felt Aziraphale shift and knew he was looking at him. “Yes, my love, I do. I’ll follow you anywhere, be it heaven or hell. I would walk through hellfire if it meant I could have you for eternity.”

Crowley snorted, though his heart restricted. “Bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

Aziraphale smiled. “Well, it is you my dear.”

Crowley snuggled closer. “In that case, I’d drive the Bentley though a ring of fire if it meant I could get to you.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Oh, heaven forbid, not the _Bentley. _I would never ask you to risk something so precious.”

He gripped his chin and tilted his face down so that he was looking him in his eyes. “_Nothing _is as precious to me as you. Nothing.”

Aziraphale ran his fingers across Crowley’s cheek, his smile slipping a bit. “I know my dear, I know. I feel the same.”

They remained like that for a long while, tangled together atop the bed, until sleep pulled them under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, we are past most of the angst! I'm sorry for the delay. Your lovely comments have kept me going.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back baby! Now that I am contained to my house for the foreseeable future, I'll actually be able to get back to posting regular chapters for this fic along with Paper Wings. I really hope you guys like this chapter.

Aziraphale awoke slowly, the alluring pull of sleep trying to keep him under. For a moment he forgot where he was or what had happened, but as soon as he felt the warm body against his he remembered. Crowley. They had fought their way through hell and back, and now they were together. He smiled and pressed his face in Crowley’s side.

“What are you smiling about, angel?”

Aziraphale opened his eyes and looked up to find Crowley watching him. “Oh, just… you. Having you here with me.”

Crowley brushed his fingers gently over his brow. “Same. I thought I lost you.”

“You didn’t.”

Crowley sighed. “I know, and I’ll make sure to never let you go again.”

He pulled away then, sliding out of the bed and began to get dressed. Aziraphale watched him, watched the way his muscular back bent as he retrieved his shirt and pulled it on, his tattoos stretching and moving with him. Crowley finished dressing and turned to see Aziraphale watching him. A small smile pulled at his lips.

“What?”

Aziraphale stretched. “Oh, just admiring my boyfriend.”

Crowley snorted. “You’re a dork. Come on, it’s nearly four. Did you tell Anathema to cover for you?”

“Well, I sent her a text last night asking her to come up with something but seeing as I left my phone and backpack at your flat, I have no idea if she ever responded. Will we be able to go back there and grab my things?”

Crowley paused in picking up their discarded items. “Angel, the building burned down.”

Aziraphale sat up. “What?!”

“Yeah, that’s why I thought you were dead.”

Aziraphale slowly lifted his hands to cover his face. “Oh God, it’s all my fault.”

Crowley came over and sat beside him. “No, angel, it’s not. The fault belongs completely to those assholes.”

“Was anyone hurt?”

Crowley looked down. “I don’t know. I was sort of distracted with thinking I’d lost you.”

Aziraphale pushed his face harder into his hands. “Oh, Crowley, those poor people in that building.”

“I’m sure they’ll be fine. And I’ll buy you a new phone as soon as we can. But we really do need to get you back home. I don’t want your parents to start getting worried.”

Aziraphale nodded numbly and began to dress and gather his things. They didn’t have much. When they made their way out to the Bentley, Crowley stopped in the doorway, looking in every direction.

“Are we still not safe?”

“No, no, I’m sure they’ll leave us be now. I just want to be careful. You’ll have to deal with me being a little paranoid for a while.”

Aziraphale gave him a patient smile. “I’m sure I’ll survive.”

Crowley flashed him a look, but then they were moving quickly across the parking lot and sliding into the car. The sun was already low in the sky and it would be dinner soon at his home. How was he going to explain his bruised appearance and missing backpack?

They drove in silence as they entered familiar territory. How had it only been one day? He felt as though a month had passed since he and Crowley had been watching sitcoms in his bedroom. But in one night everything had shifted. Somehow, he felt infinitely closer to Crowley. He supposed you couldn’t go through something like that and come out the other side bonded forever.

Crowley had risked his life to save him. More than that, he had wanted to die when he thought he was dead. He didn’t like that. He glanced at Crowley out of the corner of his eye. His amber eyes were on the road and one hand was on the wheel. He wore a small frown though, like he was thinking of something unpleasant. He wanted to reach out and smooth it, to comfort that burning fire he knew was inside of him. He had fought for so long that Aziraphale wasn’t sure he knew how to stop. Twenty years from now, would he still be looking over his shoulder? Crowley had protected him from so much, Aziraphale wanted to do the same for him now.

“Crowley.”

“Hmm?” Crowley blinked and turned to him.

“I would follow you anywhere, you know. If you wanted to leave, so that you could feel safe. For however long you wanted, we could go away.”

Crowley frowned. “What about school?”

“I’m nearly done, and I could always finish it online.”

“What about your parents?”

“They would be confused, but I’m eighteen. They would understand with time.”

Crowley’s eyes searched his face. “But this is your home.”

Aziraphale let out a deep breath. “My dear, you are the only home I want.”

He watched Crowley’s throat as he swallowed hard and turned back to the road.

“Bloody poet.”

But Aziraphale saw how glassy his eyes got. Crowley tried very hard to put on a veneer of danger and hardness, but beneath that lay a man who wanted desperately to be loved. When they pulled up in front of Aziraphale’s house, he cleared his throat.

“Right, well, like I said, we should be safe. I don’t think we’ll have to leave.”

Aziraphale bit his lip. “And you wouldn’t go without me, would you? You wouldn’t just leave?”

Crowley stared at him, his eyes going soft at the edges. “No, angel, I won’t. I promise. I told you, I’m never going to lose you again. For as long as you’ll have me, I’ll be here.”

“Well,” Aziraphale chuckled, “that’s going to be a very long time my dear.”

“Good with me.”

“Yes, well, I had better go in.” Aziraphale looked up at his house. “Will I see you tomorrow?”

Crowley nodded. “We should probably go back to school tomorrow. Don’t want you falling behind.”

Aziraphale blinked. School. Right. After everything that had happened it seemed so mundane, so inconsequential. But Crowley was right. They needed to get back to normal.

“Of course.”

“I’ll pick you up at the usual time.”

“Alright. Well, I’ll see you then my dear.”

They lingered, neither wanting to separate. Rationally, Aziraphale knew that he needed to. But being apart now felt like it would cause physical damage. He licked his lips and nodded.

“Right.”

He reached for the door handle, but suddenly Crowley was pulling him back to him, his arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders and his face pressed into his shoulder. They held each other in an embrace that would be considered uncomfortable in any other situation. But right now, they needed this. It felt as though if they squeezed tight enough, they could blend together and become one. After what felt like a long time, Crowley let go and leaned back.

“Sorry. Just felt like doing that.”

Aziraphale smiled. “It’s quite alright darling. Are you sure you’ll be ok?”

Crowley returned a smile that looked a little too strained at the corners. “Of course I will. I’m always ok.”

Aziraphale wanted to contradict him, but at that moment he felt too tired. “Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow morning my love.”

He got out of the car and closed the door before either of them could change their mind and rushed up to his front door. He glanced back once and waved. Crowley waved back, though his face still didn’t look quite right.

When he stepped into the house, the first thing he heard was his mother calling out to him.

“Aziraphale? Is that you?”

He took a deep breath. “Yes, mum, it’s me.”

As soon as she walked into the front entrance she frowned. “What happened to your head?”

He touched the bruise lightly and winced. “Oh, that. Anathema and I went for a walk and I fell down an embankment. Hit my head. It’s not that bad, really.”

His mother placed her hands on her hips. “And why didn’t you answer any of my texts or calls?”

“Ah, right.” He had thought of his excuse on the way here. “I had my backpack with me when I fell, and my phone was in it. It fell into a river and I lost it.”

She narrowed her eyes. “What river?”

He waved a hand. “Oh, you know, just a small river near her house.”

Wanting to make a quick exit before she could ask any more question, he began to make his way up the stairs, but her hand on his forced him to stop. When he looked back at her, her eyes searched his. He could tell she didn’t believe him.

“Aziraphale, did…” She paused. “Did Crowley do this?”

His eyes went wide, and he snatched his hand away. “What? No! Of course not!”

She sighed. “I’m sorry, he seems like a nice young man. But, you know, he’s from a rougher neighborhood and his past is a little shady. I wouldn’t want you getting caught up with someone who treats you poorly.”

“No, Crowley would never… wait. How do you know what neighborhood he’s from? And about his past? I never told you any of that.”

His mother looked down. “I just wanted to make sure everything was safe.”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened further. “Did you look him up? Did you dig into his past?”

Her silence was enough of an answer. He felt as though he was going to hyperventilate, his blood was pumping so fast. He had never yelled at his mother before, but at that moment the fury that was sweeping though him felt overwhelming. When he spoke, his voice shook with barely contained rage.

“No. No, you do not get to do that. You have _never _taken an interest in my life or my hobbies, and now that I’m finally happy with someone who makes me genuinely happy, you do not get to make horrible accusations against him. And just because he isn’t from some upper middle-class family with two parents and picket fence? No. I won’t let you. He has been through too much and I will not add to that list. “

“Aziraphale, please.”

“No! He loves me and I love him.”

“Darling, everyone thinks their first love will be the only one. You don’t need to settle.”

Aziraphale balled his hands into fists. “I am not settling. Crowley is the kindest, sweetest, most loving person I have ever met. When I’m with him I feel like I actually matter. He listens to me and he cares about my interest. He goes out of his way to make me feel special, he cares about me more than anyone else I have ever known.”

“Now that’s not fair. Your father and I care about you.”

Aziraphale crossed his arms. “Mother, who’s my favorite author?”

She stared at him blankly.

“What’s my favorite food? Favorite color? Favorite class? What do I want to do for living?”

She snapped her fingers. “A teacher! You want to be a teacher.”

Aziraphale laughed sadly and shook his head. “I haven’t wanted to be that since I was twelve. I want to own a bookshop. But see, Crowley knows that. He knows all of that. Because he asks. He cares about me more than just on the surface. You like the idea of me. You like the person you have built up in your mind. Crowley likes all of me, ever the unsavory bits that father scoffs at and you tolerate. So, if you want me to stay in your life, if you want to keep me, then you had better learn to accept all of Crowley, even the unsavory bits.”

As he had spoken, his mother had paled. She looked down at her feet, shame written all over her face. Aziraphale turned and ran up the stairs before she could say anything else. Once he was in his room he collapsed onto his bed. It felt like so long since he had laid here. And he felt different, all the way down to his bones. He pressed his hands to his face and thought about what he had said to his mother. It was all true.

He couldn’t explain it, but what he had with Crowley didn’t feel like any other typical high school romance. It felt as though he had known him for thousands of years, in every life. Like they had both been built from the same star dust and forged in the same cosmos. Like they were always meant to be together. They were ineffable.

* * *

Crowley pulled up to his house and slammed the car door behind him. God, what he would do to just lay down and sleep for a few decades. But of course, he couldn’t do that. Aziraphale needed him. He expected the house to be empty, so when he stepped through the front door and found his mother sitting on the couch, he froze. She looked up at him and frowned.

“Where have you been?”

Her voice sounded clear. Sober then. That was good.

“Out.”

Her eyes flicked back to the television. “With that boy?”

He paused beside the couch. “Aziraphale. Yes.”

“Hmm. Didn’t know you were gay.”

“Well, now you do. Not that you give a shit.”

She glared. “That’s not true. I give a shit.”

He snorted. “What, are you going to care just enough to be homophobic? Classic.”

“I don’t care that you’re gay. At least this way there’s no chance of anyone getting pregnant.”

He rolled his eyes and began to walk down the hall. “Yeah, wouldn’t want to end up like you.”

Something hit the wall beside him, and he stopped. The remote lay on the floor from where it had bounced off the wall.

“You don’t have to be such a fucking asshole Anthony.”

He turned back. “This is kind of what happens when the only role models you have growing up are an alcoholic abusive mother and her various shithead boyfriends. Sorry to be an inconvenience to you.”

He watched her jaw clench and unclench. She was better at controlling her temper when she was sober. “That isn’t fair. I did the best I could.”

Crowley pressed his hands to his face. He was so tired. Tired of having this pointless conversation with her. “You’re never going to apologize, are you? You’ll never admit that you’re wrong. You seriously can’t see how all the horrible things you did to me influenced who I’ve become. And that’s why you can’t also see that I am so much better than you. I beat the odds. I didn’t become you. I will never continue this fucked up cycle of abuse you’ve built your life around.”

He wanted to walk away, but her voice cut like a razorblade. “Are you kidding me? Is that what you call becoming a gang member? Breaking the cycle?”

“I got out of that! And the only reason I joined was because I knew I would end up dead if I didn’t. But I left that life. And I’m finally happy. And if I ever do have children in the future you can bet your ass that I’ll be better than you. I will never make them feel small or worthless. I’ll never let anyone hurt them. I won’t hit them for asking questions. Even if we don’t have much, I’ll make sure they know that they are loved and wanted every day. I will _never _be you.”

He began to turn but stopped. “I’m leaving.”

His mothers voice was sharp. “What are you talking about?”

He swallowed, gathering all his courage. “I’m moving out. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t go to sleep wondering if I’ll wake up to a crash or a gunshot. If I want to really be free from this life, then I need to get out fully. That means leaving you behind as well.”

When his mother didn’t say anything, he turned back. She was staring at him as though she was only now seeing him for the first time.

“So, what? You’re just going to abandon me?”

He rubbed a hand over his mouth. “Mum, you abandoned me a long time ago. I’ve been using your empty shell as a crutch for years. If I want to survive, I need to learn to walk on my own.”

She looked down. “What about me?”

“I can’t keep worrying about you. If you ever get your life together and figure your shit out, maybe we could try again. But I need time. And as long as you’re like this, I can’t be here.”

“Where will you go?”

He shrugged. “I’ll get a job. Maybe find a small flat. Just a short lease, because I’ll be moving wherever Aziraphale goes for college.”

He had thought his mother would get angry when he told her he was leaving. Maybe try to hit him or throw something. And if she were drunk, she probably would. But right now, she just looked lost.

“Anthony, I… I did my best.”

He let out a long breath. “I know you think that.”

Without another word he walked down the hall to his room and closed the door. He needed sleep and a shower. He didn’t have any room inside himself anymore to be angry at his mother. She was a broken shell of a person and it would just be a waste of his energy. He needed to move on. If he ever wanted a real life with Aziraphale he needed to build a future for them. A future that did not involve these slums or his past. Aziraphale deserved a warm home, with soft blankets and hot cocoa. He deserved shelves and shelves of books and cozy fireplaces and gentle touches. And Crowley would do everything in his power to give him that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked writing this chapter. It felt transformative for the boys and very needed. I hope you are all still interested in this fic! These boys will get to their happy ever after eventually. Let me know what you think! I went back and reread all of the past comments so that I could get pumped to finish the rest of this fic.


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